Page 2-THE NEWS-April 1980
THE CHARLOTTE JEWISH NEWS
Published monthly by:^
Charlotte Jewish Federation
and
Jewish Community Center
Marvin Bienstock, Director
Charlotte Hebrew Academy
Rabbi Sanford Tucker, Director
Editors -Ann Langman
Rita Mond
Club Editors. RoseMassachi
& Mary Gordan
Feature Writers Estelle Hoffman
Muriel Levitt & Michael Shapiro
International News Marta Garelik
Copy Reader Fran Burg
Copy deadline the 8th of each month
P.O. Box #220188
Charlotte, N.C. 28222
Living Alone In Charlotte
Editorials
Yom Hashoa
On April 13th the community will once again commemorate Yom
Hashoa (Day of Remembrance) at Holocaust Square. This annual
event’s purpose is to keep our eyes open to the ever-present danger
that can come about through indifference, self-centeredness and
bigotry. We will gather together on that day to remember the five
million non-Jews and the six million Jews killed by Nazis during
what became known as the Holocaust in World War U.
We know that the world is not free of the treachery of people who
wish power and do not care how they get it. There is a hatred and
suspicion in us all that makes a Holocaust possible. We must make
the commitment to work harder for harmony, peace and love among
all people.
In the evening there will be a special service held at Covenant
Presbyterian Church on Dilworth Rd. sponsored by the National
Conference of Christians and Jews. This service will be one of
dedication and commitment in regard to the Holocaust. It is open to
the public and members of the Christian and Jewish communities
will take part in both the service and the candlelighting ceremony.
J*Go out into the world in peace; have courage; hold on to what is
good; return to man evil for evil; strengthen the fainthearted; sup
port the weak; help the suffering; honor all men and women; love
and serve G’d, rejoining in His power.”
We urge you all to attend the ceremonies at Holocaust Square and
at the church on the 13th!
Growing Old
To most of you who enjoy biographies, and particularly like to
read about celebrities, we heartily recommend an excellent book on
the life of the late Groucho Marx entitled, “Hello, I Must Be Going.”
This is more than a biography; it is a painful lesson in a^ng. It
takes in the whole history of the Marx brothers, but specifically
deals with the last five years of Groucho’s life, and what it meant for
him to be in his 80’s.
On the very opening page there is a quotation from this man who
is a 20th century philosopher. When an interviewer asks Mr. Marx,
“How old are you?” his response is,“This is not the question — the
question is how am I old?”
Growing old in America has become less of an achievement and
more of a nightmare for too many individuals. The breaking up of
families, the distances put between them, attitudes of young people
toward older people, in^tion, high rentals, crime in the street, have
all made the prospect of being old very difficult.
Tlie aging process begins at bhe time of birth. If one were to take a
very negative view of life, it could be said that we start dying the day
we are bom. But that’s not really true — we start to live, and to grow,
and to develop, and to try to fulfill. Some people say we do all this so
that our later years might be fhiitfiil. This may not be a proper way
of looking at things. If we are successful in our lives and keep our
minds and bodies healthy, then if we are privileged enough to live
into our later years, they can be more rewarding, more useful and
helpful. However, no matter who we are, no matter how well we take
care of ourselves, we will at some point slow down.
Your Jewish immunity Center is dedicated to making the
golden years, the senior years, whatever one chooses to call them,
happy ones. Through our Chai program the center looks for ways
and means to help those who have gone through life to share new
experiences, to utilize talents and skills learned, and to be looked
upon as human beings of dignity.
Evepr week the ^ai Qub meets for a program, lunch, to
socialize, to share; not to cry together, not to complain (although
this takes place), but to do and to be, so that each member can
answer the question of “How am I old,” in a positive fashion.
“Youth is not a time of life — it is a state of mind. It is not a matter
of ripe cheeks, red lips and supple knees. It is a temper of the will, a
quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions. It is a freshness
of the deep spring of life.”
— S. Aullman, From the Summit of Four Score Years
By Estelle Hoffman
The State of Loneliness has
no borders, and anyone may
become one of its inhabitants.
Most people who live alone did
not choose to live that way.
There is our neighbor, who said
that she was a member of a
family of four until a year ago.
Now she lives alone, her former
husband in a distant state with
one son, the other son grown
and also gone. The change has
been traumatic.
The question has been raised
about ^e condition of the per
son living alone in Charlotte.
Answers are determined by the
differences in personality and
needs of the in^vidual, but the
society in which one lives does
have some effect on his life.
In the case of a person who re
quires constant companionship,
no location can be satisfactory.
If there were a former mate, the
loss may be an added sorrow.
However, there is no doubt that
anyone may feel alone, even in
the company of one or more peo
ple who fail to afford desirable
companionship, like children,
who, while inspiring devotion
and furnishing a sense of*being
needed by the parent, cannot
contribute to an atmosphere of
stimulating conversation, or
make possible the interchange
of ideas and expression of
mature and serious concerns
and thought. This suggests
there may be situations equal to
or worse than living alone.
Someone who has been
burdened by years of hard work
or care of an invalid may feel
thrilled by a sense of fr^om
when released from respon
sibility. Should such a person
have a backlog of interests he or
she was never able to explore,
like travel or attending school at
any level, that individual might
enjoy such pursuits alone.
However, our social structure
creates problems for many peo
ple who live alone.
Do married women consider
an unattached female to be a
threat to their marriages, even if
a friendship existed when the
single woman was married?
Women, young and old, often ex
press this belief when they are
not invited to social functions of
the kind they formerly attended
with their husbands.
It might be necessary to exert
an effort to overcome the
awkward feeling one may ex
perience in the presence of
someone who has suffered a loss
of any kind. One friend who is
concerned with people who live
alone told me that she believes it
behooves the single person to
make others feel at ease, but ad
mits such skill is difficult for one
who pulls away for the very
reason that he or she feels ill-at-
ease.
A person arriving in the com
munity alone is in a different
situation from that of the person
finding himself alone after an
extended residence in Charlotte.
C^e such man who came to
CSiarlotte with the company
who employs him, a gentle per
son, finds abundant warmth
and opportunity for recreation
among his co-workers and ac
quaintances he has made in the
synagogue. He has only praise,
rather &an criticism, of the at
titude of people towards him.
A young adult alone in the
community requires different
avenues for making acquain
tances. Like the older person, he
or she needs to find people who
share his or her interests, but
with different goals and a
limited range of age. In
C!harlotte many young Jewish
people feel that the Jewish pop
ulation here is not large enough
to allow adequate choice. Such a
young man or woman, if suf
ficiently interested in a career or
hobby, may not require a broad
social arena, but that is not the
usual case.
For a woman who is nearly
middle aged or older, who
desires a partner in matrimony,
or even for dating, the number of
single women compared to un
married men is so great as to
make slim the possibility of
success. Such people of both sex
es may want a different circle of
friends who engage in activities
more attractive to single people
than married couples. The new
ly formed Young Ck)uples Club
of Temple Israel is splendid and
there are currently 2 single
For the Record
THe Editors welcome oommentc and
right to edit.
reserve tile
By Norman Olshansky
Regional Director ■
Anti* Defamation League
At a recent social function I
attended, just as I was entering
the room, I couldn’t help but
overhear one of my friends
whisper to another, “...we better
cut out the ethnic jokes; Norm
just came in.”
What’s so wrong with ethnic
humor? Some of it is downright
hilarious. Many famous com
edians have been catapulted to
stardom based entirely on their
ability to tell ethnic jokes. Per
sonally, I do not feel that ethnic
humor is necessarily evil. There
are, however, certain types of
ethnic jokes which are and
should be of grave concern.
There needs to be a distinction
made between those jokes which
portray a negative, inaccurate
and heavily prejudiced image
from those which express
humor in a positive and ac
curate manner. Unfortunately,
through largely negative ethnic
humor and other forms of
stereotyping, we have come to
know Poles, Italians, Mexican-
Americans, Jews and blacks in
a/iegative way. While the intent
may be innocent, over a period
of time these stereotypes and
jokes tend to reinforce negative
attitudes and for many people,
especially children, the joke
becomes fact and the inaccurate
portrayal is seen as truth. Many
people do not have direct con
tact with members of various
ethnic or minority groups and
therefore are exposed only to
these and other native
stereotypes.
When you hear a Polish, black
of Jewish joke, you usually hear
humor which plays on the
ridiculous, absurd or prejudiced
attitudes held towards those
groups. Whether or not the in
tent is innocent, in most cases,
the joke is, in fact, a put-down of
the group. Such jokes, when told
over and over, take their toll.
They reinforce and develop
negative attitudes about the
targeted group.
I was recently with a leader
from the Polish-American com
munity who was lamenting the
impact of Polish ethnic jokes on
youngsters of Polish descent. He
indicated that they are affecting
the self-concept of Polish youth.
Tliis has also occurred in the
Jewish commimity regarding
personal identification, lack of
pride and/or willingness to ex
press oneself within the context
of their Judaic experience or
background.
What may be hilarious for the
moment could be very damag
ing in the long run. Hopefully, at
the next party, it won’t be
necessary for the ADL Director
to walk into the room before
someone reminds their friend
that negative ethnic humor is
not necessary, in order to find
material for funny stories.
By the way, did you hear the
one about...
groups, one for the 35 and older
and one for the 18 and up group.
These groups are one way of
meeting new people.
With efforts well supported to
help die underprivileged, the.
handicapped, the old, and the
sick members of our community,
is tiie person living alone the
only one who lacks our concern?
It is not fair for a person m^o
has not been in anoUier’s situa
tion to judge it. Regardless of
syinpa'thetic attempts to unders
tand, it takes experience to
reali^ another’s feelings. It is
easy, however, to recognize the
sjrmptoms of loneliness, like the
need to talk to someone, any
one, even a stranger, about
something, anything, without
thought of whether the listener
may care or want to hear. Who
has not had the experience in a
supermarket or beside a swim
ming pool, for example, of hav
ing a stranger, usually not
young, begin a conversation in
which he or she unburdens a
load of thoughts or a problem or
rapid personal history, clearly
in need of a listener.
While there may be no respon
sibility, periiaps, to cheer the
plight of a stranger, single per
sons among our own circles may
cause us concern. Does it create
inconvenience or expense to
consider and respond to the
needs of the people we know who
are, in one way or another,
alone, people who may indeed,
add to an occasion in a
beneficial manner? What is our
fascination for even numbers?
It seems that in our society we
wish to have pairs, totals divisi
ble by two. E^s a dining table
tip if three people are seated on
one side across from four on the
other? The automobile called a
“coupe” without a back seat is
almost obsolete; yet, that back
seat is generally unoccupied.
Someone who is reluctant to
venture forth alone at night
may gladly accompany others
who attend theatrical perfor
mances or similar functions. We
are not troubled at all by the odd
number of days in the week, the
year, and some months. A
preference for even numbers of
people is not easily understood.
Rallying to the aid of victims
of a calamity is popular. Quietly
cheering those in a continued
situation of unhappiness
remains a virtue easily ignored.
The Jewish community of
Charlotte is exceptional in its
response to a variety of human
ne^s. Many single people liv
ing alone in C!harlotte feel that
theirs is the area that has been
and continues to be neglected.
The Jewish
Calendar
CANDLELIGHTING
April 1 - 6:37 p.m.
April 4 - 6:40 p.m.
April 6 - 6:41 p.m.
April 7 - 6:42 p.m.
April 11 - 6:45 p.m.
April 18 - 6:51 p.m.
April 25 - 6:56 p.m.
May 2 - 7:01 p.m.
HAPPY PASSOVER