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Page 4 • The News - November, 1994 H By ALdrienne Rosenberg ow does a caregiver re spond to the death of a loved one with dementia? While the majority of relatives and friends respond to the death of a loved one with feelings of grief, loss and sor row, the death of a person with Alzheimer's often brings a sense of relief. It is not that there is not a feeling of sadness, but the abnormal behavior and strain of seeing a loved one who is confused and often does not recognize you, is difficult to balance with the person who was once vibrant, happy and participatory in life's activities. Perhaps a story from a person's own perspec tive may help explain it better. "The November day in 1979 was gray and overcast. Deep shadows cast against the kitchen wall. I lingered over a cup of coffee as I waited for a call from the neurologist. It was the day the neurologist would share with Dad his diagnosis of what was wrong with Mom. My anxiety grew as the cold autumn day fore- "The telephone's shrill ring interrupted my thoughts, I took a deep breath and answered/' told a storm coming. I wondered if it could be any of the things my Dad and I had discussed. We wondered if she had my grandfather's disease, senility. Perhaps it was a brain tumor. Per haps it was a mental disorder. Certainly it was something that could be fixed. She was only 56. It took great courage for my father to enter his wife of 33 years in the hospital. But she could barely function. I was glad Dad had agreed to get help for her. Symptoms had been slow in coming. For the past couple of years, she had been complaining of leaving a room and then forgetting what she wanted to do. Once in a while she bumed a pot of soup or other foods on the stove. She remembered something was cooking only when the heavy odor of burning food permeated the house. Her checkbook, usually carefully in order would be incorrectly bal anced. Birthday cards, something she had always been diligent about, were sent late or not at all. It became easier for Mom to remember things from the past and to confuse what was hap pening in the present with per sons or events from the past. These were not too difficult to handle, and we attributed this to normal forgetfulness. In the next phase of Mom's deterioration, she entered into a state of confusion and fear. She became aware that some thing was happening to her which she couldn't understand, and it frightened her. During this period. Mom was even more confused about people, places and things; she became agitated when out in a crowd. She began hiding things in the house and putting on several layers of clothes, some often backwards or inside out. Attempting to get her to quit were often met with resis tance and hostility. We were afraid to leave her alone or let her drive. Mom had been an active, out-going, fun-loving person. Now she was with drawn, secretive, and was CHANiJKAH 56 Berrvbrook Farm Natural Food Pantry COMPLETE LINE OF NATURAL FOODS & VITAMINS Juice Bar • Sandwiches, Salads & Soup Made Fresh Daiy To Go 11-4 Organically Grown Produce Nutritional Books • Birkenstock Sandak Cruelty Free Natural Cosmetics Champion Juicers Vitamin & Senior Citizens Discounts Personalized Service 1257 East Boulevard 334-6528 M Sat 9:30^ slowly losing touch with her former life. She would some times call Dad by another relative's name or accuse him of not taking her home. This was hardest on him. The telephone's shrill ring interrupted my thoughts. I took a deep breath and answered. Dad said the neurologist stated he firmly believed Mom had Alzheimer's Disease. He stated she would only get more con fused and would eventually be incapacitated. He could not tell how she would progress. But it turned out that those who get it in their 50's usually have it progress faster than those who are older when it first hits. It may be we would have to put her in a home when she could no longer be managed at home. Finally, he said there was no cure. I was devastated. The hard facts of what the doctor said made me shudder with disbe lief. After I got off the phone with Dad, I leaned my head on the kitchen table and sobbed. Emotional pain swelled up and seemed to choke my breath away. I felt anger that my mother and dad should have to suffer at a time in their lives when they had plarmed to en joy themselves. And what would this mean for the qual ity of my life? I felt guilty at that thought; but, nonetheless, it was there. The next 12 years were ones of making sure Mom was taken care of. We all were affected emotionally, financially, and with worry. It was hard for all of us to reconcile this woman who gradually became a veg etable with the woman, wife, and mother she had once been. It was especially hard on Dad. What helped us was to attend an Alzheimer's Support Group once a month. There we learned we were not alone and could talk to others who were experi encing the stress and nightmare of watching a loved one slowly deteriorate in mind and body. We learned how to deal with the memory loss and the difficult behavior—as more and more brain cells died. So, when I got the call that Mom had died (by that time, she was living in a nursing home), I felt relief that the bur den we had all felt was over. I felt free from the worry. In some ''I was devastated. The hard facts of what the doctor said made me shudder with disbelief... Emotional pain swelled up and seemed to choke my breath away... And what would this mean for the quality of my life? I felt guilty at that thought; but, nonetheless, it was there." ways, I felt guilty that I felt this way. But the mother I had known had "died" many years before. Now we would not have to watch her, my dad and others suffer because of a dis ease for which there is no cure. Jewish Family services co sponsors an Alzheimer's Sup port Group with the Alzheimer's Association on the third Monday of each month from 7 to 8:30 p.m. at the Sha lom Park building. There is no charge for this group. To learn more about this and to gain sup port from others who are going through the stages of Alzheimer's, please call Jewish Family Services at 364-6594 or 364-6596 or the Alzheimer's Association at 532-7392. ROLE OF THE JEWISH PRESS A Local View By Maurice A. Weinstein During the 50 years of the American Jewish Press Associa tion, the major source of news has been the events leading to the Declaration of Indepen dence of the State of Israel and thereafter: the wars, the immi gration of Jews from Arab coun tries, relationships with the U.S., peace with Egypt, the im migration of Jews from the for mer Soviet Union and the changing political circum stances within Israel. If the Declaration of Prin ciples with the PLO succeeds, if the Washington Declaration with Jordan emerges into a peace treaty and the shuttle di plomacy with Syria evolves into a peace-treaty, then Israel will be at peace with its imme diate neighbors. Of course, there will be continued but di minishing terror. Israel hcts diplomatic rela tions with 147 countries - the most recent being Russia, China and the Vatican. Israel and Mo rocco agreed to establish mutual liaison offices. There should be an abandonment of the Arab boycott or a substantial diminu tion of it. Israel will become a normal nation-state with a sub stantially improved economic future. Eventually there will be a severe reduction in news from Israel. The role of the Jewish Press should be enhancement in the dissemination of the entire spectrum of Jewish thought— continuing Jewish education. Philip M. Klutznick once said: "An uninformed Jewish, community will be the tragedy of the future." Mr. Weinstein is a promi nent local attorney and past chair man of the International Council of B'nai B'rith. WE CAN HEI.P YOU SEE YOUR BEST ■ Modem, thfflroogh S Cairiict Leofcs - A Inosd program. Comp>iehen$Cve eye state* many ose$ you can weaf ihem d4h£'ait €!q^ipn;^ to mure coniplete accuracy. home from your M visit !ONVBN!Brrr A WEES. WAJX 11^ DOCTORS OF OPTOMETRY NEXT TO LENSCRAFTERS E>R. JEFFREY I. MUSLER & ASSOCIATES Eastland Mall 563-7611 Carolina Place Mall 541-8232 Southpark Mall 364-7982 MEN TAILOR WOMEN MADf TO Mf ASDRf CIOTHING OVFft 20 YRS IXP LOMAX 401 S. Sharon Amity Road (across from Cotswokj Mall) 36S-9E63 HOWARD M. COHEN ATTORNEY AT LAW 335-8139 SUITE 608 CAMERON BROWN BUILDING CHARLOTTE NC 28204
The Charlotte Jewish News (Charlotte, N.C.)
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