Pag94‘Th§N9Wi-Hlay, 1995
Jewish Family Services
By Adrienne Rosenberg
JFS Director
E
very crisis happens in the life of an indi
vidual can be considered major—be it the
death of a family member, divorce, un
employment or any other situation where life
seems out of control. In each of these situations,
there are adjustments to be made, feelings to be
sorted out and new life styles to be adopted.
When we have to face our own vulnerability, it
can defmitely be a scary and helpless feeling.
Such is the case when someone suddenly
themselves or a loved one diagnosed with
L a chronic, perhaps terminal health problem.
All that was once taken for granted is now hid
den amid medical needs, financial concerns, interrupted life styles and a
growing awareness that what one had been able to do physically is no
longer possible.
The losing control of one’s body—or part of it—and becoming
dependent on others as a result is not easy for most people. This is
especially true in our society which values good health, independence
and good looks. We do not prepare people how to discuss illness or
even know to be around illness. When a friend of mine recently had a
mastectomy, she commented how most people had trouble knowing
what to say to her. Some even stayed away because they were so un
comfortable. Frequently, she found herself comforting them.
The fact remains that when someone fmds he or she is seriously ill,
that person needs support to help with the scare of feeling vulnerable,
helpless and facing the unknown. Some people find others rally around
when the news is first learned, but they feel abandoned as they wrestle
with the emotional reactions. These reactions usually include times of
feeling despair, anger that one’s body has let them down and the de
pression, and even guilt that follow. It is now more than ever that the
ill person would like to know people are there to be supportive. It is
good to have people who will listen, understand, to touch and hug, to
cry with, and to encourage hope and acceptance of the future.
Each person handles illness differently. Not all can be non-com-
plainers or not be viewed as demanding and grouchy. What is also true
is that it is not always possible for some friends and family members to
be patient with illness, while they themselves are trying to adjust and
cope with their own inner feelings about the situation and how it im
pacts on them.
Thus, emotional ups and downs are normal for the patient and their
significant others. The challenge for both parties is to share the emo
tions rather than to avoid discussing what is happening. It is through
this sharing that a bond and some form of acceptance mutually may
occur. It is saying to each other that both sides may not like what is
happening but by sharing words and feelings about the illness, neither
party has to feel alone.
Sharing does not totally help us cope with an illness. It does help
us feel less alone and vulnerable. Actually, sharing can bring people
emotionally closer at a time of life when emotional support is crucial
and appreciated. It lets one know they are still important to significant
others. Certainly there are other steps necessary as one gradually learns
to cope with a permanent illness or disease. But feeling secure in our
relationships means we know there are others applauding us as we make
the adjustments to a difficult situation. %
LIFE IS FULL OF UNCERTAINTY.
YOUR PLAN FOR LONG TERiVI CARE
SHOULDN’T BE.
While you can’t predict the future, you need to plan for
the unexpected, both personally and financially.
Sometimes that’s not so simple. Especially when you
consider this: the average annual cost of long'term nurs>
ing care today is about $36,000. It’s a disturbing statistic,
but an important one. You need to ask yourself if you’re
prepared for the unexpected. That’s why John Hancock
developed ProtectCare*.
ProtectCare* is a long'term care policy that can help
provide the indepetulence you want'both personally and
finatKially-with the coverage you need. Here are just a
few of ProtectCare**s outstanding benefits:
Pays for skilled care, both at home or in a nursing home.
No prior hospitalization required.
Covers care required because of Alzheimer’s Disease.
Guaranteed renewable for life.
Roz Greenspon
Long Term Care Specialist
(704) 366-5797
Real life, real answetl*
FOR FREE INFORMATION
704-366-5797
Directory Of Who To Call At
JFS For Assistance
Adolescent problems Sandy Lewis, M. A.
Employment or Career Issues Sandy Lewis, M.A.
Financial Assistance -Adrienne Rosenberg, MSW, ACSW
General Counseling Sandy Lewis, M.A.
Senior Concerns Laurie Gordon Harris, MSW, CCSW
Volunteering to Help Others Laurie Gordon Harris,
MSW, CCSW
All Other Concerns
Adrienne Rosenberg, MSW, ACSW
ALL CAN BE REACHED BY CALLING
JEWISH FAMILY SERVICES
All Services are Confidential and Provided by
Professional Masters-Level Counselors.
AT 364-6594 or 364-6596
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Charlotte Jewish
Preschool Hosts Exciting
Auction
ThcChj|i^ottc
ICWISI
VmAofA
Save
the Date!
The Char
lotte Jew-
i s h
Preschool
invites the
entire com
munity to
our Night
of 129
Stars Gala on Saturday, May 13th
at 8 p.m., in Gorelick Hall at the
Jewish Community Centerf 129
Stars means each of our children
is a STAR! The evening will re
flect the silver screen era of the
1930’s, and the star motif will
carry throughout. We are planning
a rcd-carpet “opening night,” a
replica of the famous Hollywood
hillside sign, and movie star look-
a-likes to mingle with our guests.
Big Band music will play through
out the evening, a fabulous hors
d’oeurve and dessert buffet will be
served and an Astrologer will be
on hand for those brave enough to
look into the future. The evening
will be a wonderful social event
that we hope everyone will attend!
There will be both a silent and
a live auction during the evening.
The silent auction will begin
promptly at 8 p.m. After everyone
has had an opportunity to enjoy
the wonderful food and music we
will have a live auction featuring
a small number of our most spec
tacular items. Among the many
exciting items available at auction
will be a Sail on Lake Norman, a
Kentucky Derby Party, a
Gymboree Birthday, a Wheelbar
row filled with Gardening De
lights, and a Day at Charlotte
Polo. There will be many stand
alone auction items (Jewelry, Sa
lon Certificates, Dinners etc.) as
well as theme packages - perfect
for anyone searching for just the
right gift. Items will be in all price
ranges, but non-bidders are very
welcome as this is a social event!!
Please join us, and bring your
friends and neighbors to what we
know will be a really fun party.
Tickets are $10 per person; reser
vations can be made at the office
of the Charlotte Jewish Preschool.
For further information, call Anne
Sinsheimer at 333-7110
G'Oi. :
My 12 year old child was
recently diagnosed with major
emotional problems. I feel so
guilty and feel I must have done
something wrong to have this
happen. How do I tell my fam
ily and friends? Won’t they
think less of me and my hus
band? Where do I turn in the
Jewish community for support?
AEL
AELi
When something as serious
as this happens in a family, we
often blame ourselves and feel
ashamed. The reality is that
there is much more we don’t
know about human behavior
than we do know. Each person
is an individual and reacts to
things differently depending on
a number of personality, envi
ronmental and genetic factors.
Jews have the same problems
in families as in the broader
community. I believe it is bet
ter to seek help for your child
and family than hide something.
This is no different than hiding
a physical problem your child
might develop. Unfortunately,
our society has not always
placed these in the same light
despite recent documentation of
physical factors contributing to
emotional problems. Yes, some
people may not be understand
ing but certainly your rabbi and
JFS are there for you to know
you are not alone in the Jewish
world. Perhaps as you grow in
acceptance of what you do not
want, you can bring understand
ing of this problem to others
around you. I wish you luck in
this difficult period of your life.
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