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The Charlotte Jewish News - April 2010 - Page 9 Because I Said So By Mariashi Groner, director, Charlotte Jewish Day School Our sages teach us that there is nothing extraneous and redundant in the Torah. Every letter, vowel, or dot has a reason and a lesson for us. So, there is no question that every mitzvah and type of mitzvah commanded in the Torah has a rea son and a purpose. I have always wondered about the category of mitzvot called Chukim. In the Torah the 613 mitzvot can be divided into three categories, the first being Mishpatim, laws that are logical and easy to understand. They are also laws that one would typically see in a well-run, responsible community. In an ordered society one would not even need these laws included in the Torah. The second category is Edut, laws that are seen as testimonials, reminders of events, miracles and history. Mitzvot connected to Shabbat, Sukkot, Pesach and oth ers like them are all categorized as Edut. Once again, there is a ration ale connected to these. As humans we like to mark time, experiences and memories. However, the third category, as I mentioned above, is Chukim, laws that absolutely make no sense and at times defy logic. There is no rhyme, reason or method (as we know it) to these mitzvot. Kashrut (following kosher dietary laws), Shatnez (not wearing wool and linen together), and others like these are all Chukim. So, back to my original ques tion: What is the reason and pur pose for laws that really don’t make sense? They are laws that we follow just because God said so. In modem society that can cause discomfort. We are a free, democratic society. We believe that nobody has a right to tell us what to do, unless we understand why we have to do it. When our children misbehave or make bad choices, we are advised to talk, explain and reason. So how does the inclusion of Chukim type laws teach us about our life-style today? I am not suggesting that there should be no reason, explanation or logic in the choices we make. In fact, I believe that the methodolo gy of teaching discipline, rather than disciplining children, is an improvement over how educators have managed their classrooms and schools in the past. Educators often use global behavior manage ment plans. But... I remember the year that I threw these plans out in favor of individualized plans as needed for each child’s specific learning style and emotional make up. Lots of conversations, self reflection, and reasoning takes place. There is an opportunity for understanding and common sense. However, it must be that since the Torah contains command ments that have no apparent rea son, there is a place for those com mandments in our lives, too. Parents and educators today are often uncomfortable with the Morah Donna Receives Graduate Certificate in Jewish Education Donna dcGroot, who teaches 3rd and 5th grades Hebrew and Judaica, has recently completed her Graduate Certificate in Jewish Education at Baltimore Hebrew University (now integrated into Towson University.) When asked why she chose to spend two and a half years in this intensive pro gram, she replied that she wanted to formalize and validate her teaching experience and knowl edge. Donna holds a Bachelors Degree from UNC, Chapel Hill, in sociology and psychology, an RN certificate from a nursing school in Israel, and a Masters Degree in maternal and child health from use, Columbia. Ten years ago, after working and teaching in many areas of nursing, Donna decided that her m “because I said so” reason. We need to reconsider this discomfort. There are times when children should do something simply because they were told to by a responsible adult. I believe that often our reasoning is too abstract and confusing for children to con sider, and they would rather that we just make the decision for them. When we do not take this responsibility we leave them feel ing unsafe and uncared for Wendy Mogel writes, “Children are not our equals, and they don’t want to be. It’s important to start teaching that you are the Boss when they are very young, and to keep reminding them until they’re old enough to leave home.” Take a look at the Ten Commandments. The first one states very clearly, “I am your Lord, your God, you will have no other gods besides me.” He is the authority. He is the “Boss.” In the same way, we should tell our chil dren, “We are your parents; we have a responsibility to raise you as a productive human being, and you will do as we say, because we said so.” The negotiations that take place between parents and children — and I am embarrassed to admit, in my home, too — are counterintuitive and counterpro ductive. Also, in the Ten Command ments we are told to honor our parents. Interestingly, it does not tell us to love our parents. That is, in and of itself, a lesson. The Torah is not concerned whether or not we love our parents, as much as it is concerned that we give them honor because they are our parents. There is no other reason. There are many parent-child rela tionships that do not seem to war rant honor, and yet the Torah com mands us to honor them just because. Let us put the original order back as it was intended. Let’s teach our children honor, respect and obedience to authority. The hierarchy in a family is important; it clearly identifies each family member’s place. Children embrace structure, defined bound aries and clearly articulated expec tations. So if your children ask you why you are making changes that they think are too strict or unfair, you can just tell them, “Because I said so.” ^ PICK A ROSENFELD for All Your Real Estate Needs ~ Over 35 Years Experience ■■ Home 704-321-0220 ■V Barbara Helen Adams Realty 704-517-1547 Marshall Queenstowne Realty 704-517-1073 ZERO GRAVITYRECLINER with Lift Assist For those who need assistance rising from a seated position, this fully powered lift chair also offers the therapeutic benefits of zero gravity. Recline to a full zero gravity position, in which spinal pressure and muscle tension are relieved, circulation is improved, and feelings of fatigue are counteracted. Visit Relax the Back fora full demonstration. Fully^ Reclined - Position feel better, work better, live better PARK TOWNE VILLAGE 4435 PARK ROAD Between Montford & Woodlawn Near Starbucks 704-523-3377 relaxtheback.com Morah Donna deGroot cele brates receiving her graduate certificate in Jewish education. true goal in life was to be an excel lent Hebrew and Judaica teacher. While simultaneously teaching at CJDS and Hebrew High and directing the religious school of Temple Emmanuel of Gastonia, Donna learned about many new curricula and attended many workshops and mini-courses. She has always utilized and improved upon the latest cutting-edge mate rial. Some of Morah Donna’s favorite courses of study were: learning to integrate special needs students in Jewish studies; com parative prayer, where she studied the siddurim and philosophies of the various Jewish movements; and the history of Jewish educa tion in Holland. The most inspir ing part of the program was Donna’s independent study in Israel, where she found new ways to teach about Israel in a positive light. After several frantic years of checking the syllabus on Tuesdays, reading everything on Shabbat, and writing academic papers every Sunday and Monday, Donna claims that she is finished with formal schooling. Only time will tell if this is true. Meanwhile, CJDS is proud of Donna’s con stant quest for knowledge, and we wish her many more fruitful years on our staff ^ Medicare Supplement Insurance I can Help You!!! • Compare the different Medicare Plans. • Determine which plan is best for you. • Find which company offers the most competitive rates for the plan you want. 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