The Charlotte
JEWISH
Vol. 34, No. 9
Tishrei-Cheshvan 5773
October 2012
An Affiliate of the Jewish Federation of Greater Charlotte
We’re All in This Together
October is Domestic Abuse Awareness and Prevention Month
In the women’s restooms at
Shalom Park, you’ve seen the
tear-off pads in the stall. They say,
“Are you being hurt by someone
you love? It’s not your fault: Get
help.”
For Jews, Oetober begins with
Sukkot, a time to eelebrate our
homes as shelters of peaee or
Shalom Bayit, whieh is also the
name of a volunteer ageney dedi-
eated to fighting domestie abuse
in our Jewish eommunity. At
Sukkot, we eontemplate life’s
importanee and fragility, remem
bering the temporary shelters our
forefathers used during the
Exodus. Fittingly, this holiday
falls within Domestie Violenee
Awareness Month. For vietims of
abuse, homes are metaphorieal
sukkot: fragile, isolated, vulnera
ble to terrifying outbursts and
plaees where people feel lost and
hopeless as our forefather did in
the desert, waiting for aeknowl-
edgment and the help that will
allow them to be truly free.
Aeeording to studies eondueted
by Hebrew Union College, Jewish
Women International, and loeal
surveys in plaees like Cleveland,
Baltimore, and Columbus, some
one is being hurt in approximately
10-25% of Jewish households.
In eonjunetion with Shalom
Bayit and Jewish Family Serviees,
all of Shalom Park and several
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other Jewish ageneies are uniting
onee again during the month of
Oetober to deelare that domestie
abuse will not be tolerated and to
eneourage those suffering at hands
of an abuser to eome forward and
seek help. Many ageney staff and
volunteers will wear purple rib
bons, symbolizing domestie abuse
prevention; Rabbis will give ser
mons; messages will appear in
newsletters and broehures; free
standing blue silhouettes revealing
loeal stories of Jewish survivors
will be displayed; presentations
will be made at Board and staff
meetings; and youth groups will
eolleet old eell phones for shelters.
(See sidebar for sehedule of ser
mons/displays.)
While our homes and temples
and Jewish eommunity are our
shelters, “many feel isolated,
walled away in silenee and in
fear,” says Stephanie Starr,
Exeeutive Direetor of Jewish
Family Serviees. “Domestie abuse
is not always easy to spot. It is a
pattern of behavior. Some days, he
or she is niee and loving; other
moments terrifying. Usually the
abuser is eharming to the outside
world and only abuses the spouse.
This makes it more diffieult for
others to believe the vietim.”
Compared to non-Jewish
women, Jewish women often take
five times longer to leave an abu-
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sive spouse, aeeording to studies
by Hadassah and Jewish Family
Serviees of Toronto. Perhaps the
fear that she will not be believed is
one reason. Additional reasons a
vietim may feel eompelled to stay
ineludes spousal finaneial eontrol;
self-blame for the abuse; and
shame. It is rare for eommunities
to talk about domestie abuse. Even
when there is physieal abuse,
women often do not get help until
her ehildren get abused as well, as
deseribed below by “Judy”:
Every day he told me how stu
pid I was. Professionally I was
moving upward, but at home I
eouldn’t even eut up a vegetable
the right way. Anything short of
perfeetion brought on the rage. If I
didn’t keep my mouth shut, he
turned on the kids. The day he
pieked up my eldest by the hair
and threw him aeross the room, I
knew I had to leave. The aftermath
was just as diffieult as I was afraid
it would be. No one believed me
and no one believed the ehildren.
He was that good at being eharm
ing and manipulative with the out
side world. People didn’t think it
eould happen in a Jewish family.
“We see ehildren from these
homes and the devastation
wreaked when all one parent eares
about is eontrolling and dominat
ing and ‘winning,’” says Elka
Bernstein, Direetor of The
Charlotte Jewish Presehool (CJP).
CJP eolleeted and donated $250 to
the work of Shalom Bayit this past
sehool year. “Both as teaehers and
as friends, the most important
thing we ean do is learn about
abuse and to learn what to say and
what not to say, beeause I do
believe every one of us knows
someone who is being abused.”
“Silenee is an abuser’s best
friend,” notes Sue Worrel,
Exeeutive Direetor of the Jewish
Federation of Greater Charlotte.
“We ean’t be neutral, as individu
als or as a eommunity. Friends,
family, and vietims themselves
should go to Jewish Family
Serviees, eall the eonfidential line
of our volunteer advoeates at
Shalom Bayit, or talk with their
Rabbis or Cantors or someone you
trust,” says Ms. Worrel.
Join this effort by wearing pur
ple this Oetober. Look for purple
pins and broehures at every
Jewish Ageney and visit our loeal
Jewish eommunity web site,
www.shalombayit-ne.org for
resourees and to learn more. To
save one life, is to save the and Amy Krakovitz contributed to
world. ^ this article.
Marsha Stickler, Nancy Rones,
Displaying the purple pins they are making for the Jewish community
to wear in October are BBYO members (left to right) Noah Kipnis,
Sarah Fellman, Karla Jagodinsky, and Jacob Meyer.
Domestic Abuse Awareness and
Prevention Events in October
Wednesday Evening, October 3
Temple Beth El Sisterhood
Sukkot Dinner
Marsha Stickler, Chair of
Shalom Bayit, Speaker
October 5
Temple Beth El
Rabbi Judy Schindler, Sermon
October 6
Temple Israel
Rabbi Ezring, Sermon
October 13
Charlotte Torah Center
Rabbi Chanoch Oppenheim,
Sermon
November 5
Jewish Learning Institute at
Chabad House
Rabbi Yoseph Groner, Speaker
The silhouettes will be on
display weekdays during the
month of October on Main
Street at Shalom Park
Please remember to pick up a purple pin at most reception areas of
our Jewish agencies during the month of October.
Don’t miss the free concert with
A Capella group Sixl3
Saturday, November 3, 7 PM, Temple Israel
Listen now at www.sixl3.com
This is a Michael Meiselman Legacy Event.
See page 12 for more details.