Celebrate Pride in a positive way this summer
Q-Notes ▼ June 10,2000 ▼ PAGE 3
by Darren Frei
Special to Q-Notes
Jerry is 26 years old. He serves cofFee to con
servative professionals in downtown Salt Lake
City, Utah. Every June, he and an assortment
of close gay friends make a pilgrimage to West
Hollywood for a chance to hold hands in pub
lic, dance with shirtless boys, buy useless trin
kets, and smuggle a trunk load of porn back
into squeaky clean Utah. After Jerry has
stamped his gay card at the Pride Festival, he
can function once again as a minority in an
overwhelmingly homophobic community.
“Thank God for Gay Pride,” he says. “I look
forward to it more than I looked forward to
Christmas when I was a kid.” The Gay Pride
celebration helps Jerry feel that he’s part of a
larger movement, and not feel as isolated as he
does the rest of the year. His pride in his ac
complishments and his love for his friends out
weigh his desire to party like this every day of
the week. Pride is a healthy part of his life.
Paul is 35 years old. He lives in a dilapi
dated bungalow near Santa Monica Blvd. in
West Hollywood, California. Every weekend,
he and an assortment of close gay friends get
together for a decadent dose of drugs and sex.
Like Jerry, he looks forward to Gay Pride every
year. In fact, he’s already saved up enough
money to buy the drugs he needs to ensure that
he and his friends don’t waste time with any
thing as pesky as sleeping. “I’ve been to better
parties on the circuit,” Paul says. “But this is
Gay Pride — hot boys throughout the day, right
in my backyard.” A big part of Paul’s celebra
tion has to do with the constant stream of
muscle boys that file past his bedroom window.
“At least 20-30 guys will stop by throughout
the day,” he says proudly. Paul doesn’t see any
thing wrong with his behavior. “I’m proud of
my body and if other guys appreciate it, why
not? I feel confident with drugs and they’re a
'part of me now.” Paul sees Pride as another ex
cuse to party.
Clearly, the meaning of Gay Pride varies sig
nificantly from individual to individual. One
can analyze the superficiality of Gay Pride as
easily as local newscasters do, pointing the cam
era toward G-strings and chaps, and away from
people who base their pride in self-love instead
of exterior labels.
Gay Pride is the one event our community
can depend upon annually to display the out
ward signs of unity to a homophobic world that
needs to be jolted out of complacency and ig
norance. But with Millennium March organiz
ers and the Human Rights Campaign in the
midst of criminal allegations, the notion of dis
playing sincere internal pride as a unified com
munity is poisoned with irony.
What does gay pride mean anymore in a
community where middle-age gay men, riddled
with addiction, cannot confront their demons
of internalized homophobia by any means other
than by resigning themselves to a life of escap
ism? “I feel confident with drugs,” Paul says.
Why does a large proportion of our commu
nity find it necessary to ground their confi
dence, their pride, in drugs and sex? This es
capism has nothing to do with the creative spirit
that has helped fuel the vitality of the queer
movement.
“Pride is creativity.” Brian, a 32-year-old
development executive in the film industry,
says. “It has to do with someone deciding to
bike across the state to raise money for AIDS
or to perform a taboo play on the street in front
of thousands of passers-by.” Creative expression
is not the same as escaping from reality with
drugs, alcohol, and sex. Escapism has to do with
denial, self-hatred, and shame.
David, an aspiring screenwriter jokes, “I like
my pride tempered with a lot of shame.” He
appreciates the idea of the festival, but prefers
to stay away from the hoopla surrounding it.
“It serves a purpose because it reminds people
of a time when you couldn’t be vocal and it was
dangerous to be vocal.”
He has mixed feelings about what Ptide
means. “Are [we] celebrating homosexuality or
are [we] celebrating sex? Is it about feeling bet
ter about yourself, or is it about shaking your
bacon? It’s hard to separate one from the other.
It’s a festival so it should be fun — should they
cordon off the festival and charge admission?
No.”
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David’s comments are echoed by a growing
number of individuals who question the rel
evancy of gay pride as it appears to be more
about external displays of muscles, rainbows
and controlled substances, and less about en
gendering internal feelings of pride and learn
ing to love ourselves in a hostile world. Indeed,
festivals should be fun. But shouldn’t one leave
a gay pride celebration instilled with a sense of
self-worth and pride rather than a hangover?
The majority of people I spoke with agree.
To them, pride has nothing to do with rain
bow flags, bumper stickers and pride rings.
“Pride means self-respect,” says Kali, a 41-
year-old actress and stand-up comic. “I wish
the festival were more open to straight people
and families, regardless of race and whether or
not they can afford tickets.”
Despite her disdain for the chain-link cage
that encloses the official L.A. Gay Pride cel
ebration, Kali loves to participate. “We’re all
human. I’m not going to boycott the festival
and stop anyone else from having fun. I go to
be with friends, listen to music and simply to
enjoy the summer heat.”
The issue isn’t whether or not the festival is
worth saving — it serves a vital role. “Pride is
about fighting ignorance and showing straight
people that we are a powerful force when we
unite,” says Shelly, a clothing designer. “Pride
should not be exclusionary and divisive.”
The organized Gay Pride Festival can be an
essential step toward coming out and finding
tools to build self-esteem. Gay Pride provides
common ground and visibility for gay and les
bian seekers. But once we’ve found that sense
of community, can we just resign ourselves to
“Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we
die”?
Many believe that Pride has become noth
ing more than a party holiday with people nod
ding their heads to the ideals of equal-rights
and visibility and then hiding in shame and
complacency the rest of the year.
“It reminds me of the way my parents prac
tice religion,” Doug, a local musician says.
“They go to church only on Christmas and
See PRIDE on page 12
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