April 14, 2001
Parents speak out: Our lives were shattered by a baseball bat
by Pat and Wally Kutteles
Special to Q-Notes
[This essay is reprintedfrom Hostile Climate
2000, published by People for the American Way.
Pat and Wally Kutteles are the parents ofPfc. Barry
Winched, who was slain in his Army barracks in
1999.]
year ago, we were living peacefully and
quietly in Kansas City, Missouri. We had three
wonderful sons.
Our son Barry was
a bright young man
with a promising
career in the United
States Army. Barry
was a good kid, and
he had become a
good, kind and
honest man.
By the Army’s,
own measures,
Barry was an out
standing soldier.
Already, the Army
had awarded him a number of medals. He was
the best .50-caliber gunner in his company and
his fellow soldiers referred to him as “Top
Cun.” Barry’s goal was to become the best
helicopter pilot in the Army. We grieve that
Pfc. Barry Winchell
we will never get to see Barry fulfdl the prom
ise of his youth.
In the early morning hours of July 5, 1999,
while he slept in his barracks at Fort Campbell,
Kentucky, Barry was viciously attacked and
killed by a fellow soldier. This soldier, who was
supported and encouraged in this crime by
another soldier, beat Barry to death with a base
ball bat. They killed him, in part, because they
thought he was gay
We both have military connections, includ
ing Wally’s service in the Korean War. We en
couraged Barry’s interest
in a military career. We
were proud that Barry
wanted to serve our
country. Barry had
struggled in school be
cause of a learning dis
ability We were happy
that, in the Army he had found something in
which he excelled.
What we did not know at the time was that
the Army our son served so well and so proudly
was fostering an atmosphere of hatred that
would lead to his murder. A year ago, we did
not know our son was being harassed daily by
his leaders and fellow soldiers.
Barry knew we loved him. Our children’s
happiness, not their sexual orientation, is all
that matters to us. If Barry was discovering that
he was gay, we know he would have told us
when the time was right for him. We have both
mentored kids in the past and Pat has worked
with troubled teenagers, including gay kids who
have been rejected by their parents. This rejec
tion is heartbreaking, and we shared this with
all three of our sons as they were growing up.
We wanted our sons to know that our love for
them is unconditional. If you love your child,
whether gay or not, you’re going to fight for
him. We loved our son very, very much. And
The Army allowed an atmosphere of hatred
toward gay men, lesbians and bisexuals. The Army
allowed our son to be murdered.
we want the world to know how much we loved
him and were proud of him.
Although the men who murdered Barry have
been tried and sentenced, justice has not been
served. Yes, we hold those two men responsible
for Barry’s death. But we hold the US Army re
sponsible, as well. The Army allowed — and even
promoted — an atmosphere of hatred toward
gay men, lesbians and bisexuals. The Army al
lowed our son to be murdered. Following Barry’s
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death, it took months for the Army to acknowl
edge that his murder was motivated by hate. Even
in the wake of Barry’s murder, the Army has al
lowed anti-gay harassment to continue.
We are in touch with many soldiers, and they
tell us they must endure slurs and threats every
day as a condition of serving our country. They
are scared, very scared, that they will be the next
one who is attacked.
Because Army leaders have not taken respon
sibility to change this dangerous climate, our
family has been forced to take legal action
against the Army. We do
this reluctantly, as a last re
sort, because we are afraid
that someone else’s child is
going to be hurt.
We have taken legal ac-
tion against the Army in
the hope that it will help
change the hostile climate that exists in the mili
tary. We want to see leaders set the example. We
want leaders to hold those who harass and as
sault their fellow soldiers accountable for their
actions, rather than letting, them act withim’pu-
nity. We want to see the military truly look out
for the well-being of all our nation’s men and
women in uniform.
We have recently begun to accept invitations
to speak at public events, including the Millen
nium lylarch on Washington for Equality and
PrideFest America in Philadelphia. We have de
cided to .accept these invitations, despite having
never spoken publicly before, because we wanted
to pay tribute to Barry s memory. We wanted to
honor him.
We never thought that we would become ac
tivists, but we want to do all that we can to en
sure that other parents and children do not suf
fer the pain that we have suffered. We believe
that we must work in Barry’s memory to repeal
the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Pursue, Don’t
Harass” policy. This destructive law does noth
ing more than foster prejudice and hatred. It
must end. Openly gay men, lesbians and bisexu
als must be permitted to serve our country. The
policy is a failure and it contributed in no small
measure to our son’s death.
In the meantime, we will continue to do
whatever we can to stop the harassment and vio
lence that continues in the militaiyt It is an up
hill battle, but we have seen progtess. Recently,
as a result of Barry’s murder, the Department of
Defense began to tell all service members that
harassment will not be tolerated. The depart
ment conducted a survey that revealed that 80
percent of service members had heard anti-gay
speech within the past year. It should not have
taken the death of our son for harassment to be
addressed. Servicemembers Legal Defense Net
work, the legal aid organization that has sup
ported our family since Barry’s death, has re
ported a constant rise in anti-gay harassment in
the military for the past six years. While the De
partment of Defense’s acknowledgment of ha
rassment is a positive step, we wait to see whether
military leaders take the issue seriously.
This has been a devastating year for our fam
ily. We miss our son terribly, but we have found
solace in the kind words of condolence we have
received from thousands of caring people. We
truly believe that Barry would want us to con
tinue on the path we have chosen. Every day
that we work to protect other parents’ children,
we honor the memory of our child. T
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