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No more denying: Facing woman to woman sexual violence Q-Notes T April 28, 2001 ▼ PAGE 19 by Lori B. Girshick, Ph.D. Special to Q-Notes I wish I would have been more aware what woman to woman sexual violence was — what it ^oked like — so that I might have acknowledged ^or myself what had happened to me, that I had been violated. I didn’t have the knowledge to put Words to [the experience]. (Judy) Woman-to-woman sexual violence is an in visible form of sexual violation because of our denial that women are sexual perpetrators and because violence among lesbians is hidden. But once we face that it exists — as sexual abuse 3nd rape in battering relationships, as date and acquaintance rapes, as sexual harassment by co- vvorkers, and sexual abuse by professionals we trust — we must admit that our denial has sac- rificed the well-being of survivors for the'per- Petuation of a myth. Studies over the past two decades on lesbian sexual violence yield a range from a low of five percent to a high of 57 percent of respondents claiming they had experienced attempted or Completed sexual assault or rape by another 'voman, with most studies finding rates of over 30 percent. A study 1 conducted on 70 survivors of Sexual violence showed how lesbians were ‘^ught off-guard by sexual assault at the hands of another woman. For some, denial in our Community is because admitting this abuse shatters the dream of lesbian utopia — that our felationships are mutual, egalitarian, and non- ''•olent. For others, the motivation is self-pro- •^ection. They fear how this information will be Used against us as an already stigmatized popu lation. An additional factor is the insular na ture of our community and sub-communities, '^o will hold the abuser accountable? About half the situations in my study oc- curred in battering relationships. “ These assaults happened about 3 to 5 times a Week. She would tie me up and... forcibly attack ^c, physically hurting me.... Many times after a physical assault from her, she would end it with texual violations against me to show she was al ways in control.” (Evon, age 26) Sometimes violence occurred during a break-up. Brandie (age 34) recounts how her sooij-to-be ex-partner broke into her house. before I could ftnish a phone call for help, she ^>^pped the phone from the wall and bound me ^ith it. She repeated over and over that she loved ^e and that no one else could have me. She then 'removed my shorts... . After doing what she wanted [she stated] that I was still ‘hers’ and that no one else would want me.” Many date or acquaintance rape situations occurred when'the respondents were in college. Judy went to visit a friend and her girlfriend. They got her drunk and “forced vaginal and anal penetration.. .After they were done with me I was pressured/forced to peform similar acts on both of them.” Sexual violations also occur in professional contexts with therapists, doctors, mentors, teachers, and others. Rita’s story is an example. “My school therapistpushed me up against a closed door in her oftice at the college where she had been counseling me for several months. I felt very un comfortable about this. She invited me to a hotel on my birthday, promising me dinner. We ended up in a hotel room having sex. I was very con fused. I wanted to he loved. I felt more trapped than anything^ Many women were physically injured dur ing their assaults and some went to the hospi tal. All had emotional impacts such as shock, nightmares, low self-esteem, anxiety, and dis sociation. Many were being revictimized after histories of childhood incest and/or rape by men. There are unique problems that lesbians face in dealing with woman-to-woman sexual vio lence: societal homophobia, heterosexism in the legal system, lack of programs to meet our needs such as-support groups for lesbians, lesbian advocates, literature written for us, and a sense that we will be welcome at mainstream rape crisis and domestic violence agencies. Part of my wotk is to offer education to agency staff around the country to urge them to address our needs. Lesbians are beginning to speak out about their sexual violence at the hands of other women. There is no more denying that this occurs. Lesbian battering and sexual violence present a challenge to these efforts to stop vio lence against women, but it is one that must be met. Let’s stop sacrificing our sisters in order to hold on to myths of women’s nonviolence. V [Lori B. Girshick, Ph.D. has worked with battered women for 11 years and is available for training on lesbian battering and/or sexual vio lence and for program consultation. She is the author of three books including her most recent. Woman to Woman Sexual Violence: Does She call it Rape? coming out in early 2002. She can be reached at lftrshick@mindspring.com. A bib liography on lesbian battering and sexuaiviolence is available at www. warren-wilson. edtd- Iftrshic. ] FAQ: tips for life in the chat lane Xviving for that new computer, but out of ^orts in the chat room? How about a couple pointers on what those abbreviations and sttange combinations of punctuation mean to get you settled in. Abbreviations - Used in the place of gen eral phrases reduces typing time and are widely Understood by the Internet community. AKA: Also known as AFK: Away from keyboard BAK: Back at keyboard BFN: Bye for now BIF: Basis in fact BRB: Be right back BTW: By the way CU: See you CUL: See you later FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions FWIW: For what it’s worth FYA: For your amusement FYI: For your information GMTA: Great minds think alike GR&D: Grinning, running, and ducking HHOK: Ha ha, only kidding HHOS: Ha ha, only serious lAC: In any case IMO: In my opinion IMHO: In my humble opinion IMNSHO: In my not-so-humble opinion IMAO: In my arrogant opinion lOW: In other words LOL: Laughing out loud MOTD: Message of the day NBIF: No basis in fact NRN: No response necessary OTOH: On the other hand PMJI: Pardon my jumping in PC: Politically correct or {personal computer PI or PIC: Politically incorrect POV: Point of view RL: Real life ROFL: Rolling on the floor laughing RSN: Real soon now TIA: Thanks in advance TIC: Tongue in cheek TTFN: Ta-ta for now TYL: Talk to you later WB: Welcome back WTG: Way to go YMMV: Your mileage may vary unPC: Not politically correct Emoticons - [from emot(-ion) and icon (an image that represents something else)] keyboard- simulated facial expressions that can also help convey your attitude. They consist of a combi nation of punctuation and other key-strokes that resemble faces when turned sideways. Smiling Smiling, with a nose Ironic or devious smile Frowning Very sad >:-( Upset or annoyed :-D Laughing :-o Shouting :-0 Shouting loudly Puckering for a kiss Lips are sealed :-() Big mouth ;-) Winking Now that you know more about “chatspeak,” hope to see you in cyberspace! It would make me :-) ▼ /> REGIONAL AIDS Inteifaith Network AIDS WALK Fundrasier Saturday, May 5 2:00pm Pack a Picnic to enjoy on the lawn '"Best Picnic Spread" Contest at 1:00pm Registration begins at 12:30pm Great Aunt Stella Center 926 Elizabeth Ave., Charlotte Call 372-RAIN (7246) For Registration Packet Dr. Joycelyn Elders, Former U.S. Surgeon General, Will speak at the event. Time ©ut! 520 8TH. nV€. N. MVRTL6 B€nCH. 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Q-notes (Charlotte, N.C.)
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April 28, 2001, edition 1
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