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PAGE 14 ▼ Q-Notes ▼ May 12, 2001 When your pink triangle has gray roots: the pros and cons of aging gay by Art Greenwald Special to Q-Notes vSomeone somewhere once snidely sug gested that the only sadder state than an ag ing homosexual is an “old queen without money.” Well, arguably. But the notion of the se nior gay male as a tragic, lost and discarded soul given to digging deeper into his pockets for love and company comes rather overstated. Attitudes are a’ changing and with gayby boomers graying at rapid rates, growing old and gay may not be as forlorn a prospect as you may have once feared. Still, in a visually fixated culture in which value is narrowly defined by looks, many older gay males find themselves huffing, puffing and grunting overtime at the gym, recklessly diet ing and relying on gimmicky, pricey cosmet ics or risky surgery. Some, however, yield to more realistic images over the vigorous de mands required to compete with youth." While nature claims no exemptions for sexual orientation, studies show that gay men after 50 have a tougher time dealing with ag ing than straight, single men. Though there’s more sex availability for gay males, they don’t date as often nor attain as much satisfying intimacy. And, unlike gay men, who seem al lergic to those of similar ages, older straight males report less qualms in connecting with 50-something women and beyond. Also, ac cording to the studies, the average straight woman would marry or date an “arthritic, balding man with a pot belly, narrow shoul ders and varicose veins, providing he was “kind, caring and made her laugh,” a laugh able tradeoff few gay males appear eager to test. No doubt, there are the obvious downsides to growing older, gay or straight, but you can not ignore the pluses, white and nomadic nose hairs not withstanding. Unlike myself— and I suspect most of you reading this — some wisely favor a calm acceptance of the aging process, armed with a fitting, though crass response to nature’s unwelcome assault on our bodies: “If you’re about to be...well... you know, then why not just lay back and enjoy it?” Here are the pros and cons of aging gay: PRO: Acquired wisdom, insight, experi ence and prospective. You now see the bigger picture. CON: You cannot see as well as you used to and the bigger picture looks bleaker every year. PRO: You can draw on rich memories to help you past the hard times. CON: You are having trouble remember- ing. PRO: You know with certainty that what ever you achieve will be through sheer blood, sweat and tears. CON: It really sucks no longer being able to trade off on your youth. PRO: You can regale upstart gays with sto ries about the ‘good of days when being gay was exciting, daring and mysterious. You were part of a unique and forbidden underground society. CON: No one cares. PRO: If you’ve acquired a hearty savings over the years, you can indulge your want to date 18-20 something guys. CON: The price keeps rising and there are no senior discounts given. PRO: You can attend senior gay groups at your local GLBT community center, where- you’ll meet some great, gregarious guys and enjoy camaraderie and commonalities. CON: Ultimately it will degenerate into a cranky, bitter, bitch session about “the way we were.” PRO: Young gays will address you as sir, a surefire sign of respect and reverence. CON: They’ll also refer to you as “John” See TRIANGLE on next page Vodka Bar Metropolitan Night Club DJ Nightly 1820 South Blvd, Charlotte * www.PewterRose.com * 704-332-5142 U w Live Jazz & Blues & More every Wednesday, Friday & Saturday 9 pm to Midni gkt Visit our weksite www.PewterRose.com for mgre information 1820 Soutli Blvd. Ckarlotte 704-332-8149 Paint a perfect evening. The Melting^ Pot. a fondue restaurant Dip into something different.^^ We’ve got fondue down to a fine art. So for a colorful evening with friends or a romantic dinner for two, the Melting Pot is sure to please everyone’s palate. We now have two locations to serve you! UPTOWN AREA 901 S. Kings Drive, Suite 140-B (704) 334-4400 or UNIVERSITY AREA 230 E. WT Harris Blvd., #C1 (704) 548-2432 RESERVATIONS RECOMMENDED www.meldngpotcharlotte.com
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