Newspapers / Q-notes (Charlotte, N.C.) / Dec. 27, 2008, edition 1 / Page 25
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Q - Li V I N G LUGKDIIVJN by Joseph Urbaniak . exclusive It can’t happen to me [Ed. Note — Joseph Urbiniak is an inmate at Harnett Correctional Institution in Lillington, N.C., and is the plaintiff in a pending lawsuit against the N.C. Department of Corrections to secure the right of LGBTprisoners to possess non-sexual, LGBT-themed books, newspapers and magazines. Q-Notes is publishing a collec tion ofUrbiniak’s writings in this exclusive, short-run column about life as a gay man in prison. Names ofindividuab in the story have been changed; in some stories, Urbiniak refers to himself as Sebastian McShane.j My shoulders were sore. I had done a pret ty intense workout the previous afternoon out on the yard, and I was feeling it today. As I rubbed my right shoulder, I heard a voice behind me. “What’s wrong, JoJo?” Tony walked into my room and sat on my bed. I was standing next to the wiiidow at the head of my bed, looking out at the Blue Ridge Mountains that loomed across the valley from the prison. “Just a little sore,” I said, keeping my atten tion out the window. “You been working out?” “Yeah.” I stopped squeezing my trap mus cle. “I might have overdone it a little.” I turned around to face Tony and leaned against the win dowsill. All I had on were my white prison boxers. I was think- ^ing of jumping into the shower. Tony looked around my room through the Coke-bottle glasses that sat on his large nose in the middle of his pockmarked face. His skin was pecan-colored, he was over 40, and when he smiled, he showed a gap-toothed grin. He was either black and Asian, or black and Native American, or all of that, depending on what day he was asked. With his six-foot-two, 280-pound frame, he seemed menacing, but had the mentality of a 14-year-old. Once he • had sat in my room crying like a baby because some young white guy he wanted to hook up with told him to fuck off. I’d known Tony about a year-and-a-half, but he wasn’t someone I considered a friend. I could only take him in small doses over peri ods of time, otherwise I’d feel like screaming from listening to his whining and crying. But those of us who are gay in prison stick togeth er and look out for each other. Sometimes he’d come to my room and just thumb through my magazines, not saying anything, while I read or wrote. Having each other’s presence felt it comforting and safe. “You gonna take a shower?” Tony asked. “Yeah. Maybe some hot water will loosen my shoulder up.” “Can’t 1 massage it for you?” He had an excited eagerness in his tone, like a boy asking for a puppy. “Uh, no. I’ll just get in the shower and — “ “C’mon. I give good, massages. I ain’t got nothin’ else to do.” “No. That’s okay?’ Tony looked down at the floor like he had just lost his best friend. It made me feel bad; I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings “Okay, you can give me a quick one before I take my shower.” Tony jumped off my bed, his toothless grin beaming. “Cool!” I pushed my door closed but didn’t lock it. 1 didn’t want anyone to walk by and see us. I could imagine the rumors that would be start ed from him rubbing my shoulders in my room, with me in my boxers. “Lie down,” Tony said, patting my bed. “I’ll give you a good back run.” I lay on my stomach, and Tony stood next to my bed, bending over, and began rubbing my shoulders. It felt good as he squeezed and . worked the muscles. I could have fallen asleep under his hands. “I’m going to get up on the bed,” Tony said. “My back hurts from bending over like this.” He climbed up, straddling me just above my butt. I felt his weight on my legs and back, as he began to rub harder and deeper up and down my back. He rubbed up and down for another minute, sometimes using one hand, sometimes both. Then his hands moved to my lower back, to the waistband of my boxers. I felt his fingers curl around the band, and a split second later the boxers were being pulled down, as I felt his weight shift on me. “Tony? What the hell are you doing?” Before I even finished the question, he had me pinned to the bed, his hands locked onto my wrists. 1 couldn’t breathe. I felt him rub bing his hips into my ass. “Stop it! Get off me!” “Shhh, I’m gonna do it good,” Tony whis pered in my ear. “You’ll like it.” His hot breath made my skin crawl; it smelled of cigarettes and coffee. “No! Get off me!” He ignored me as he pushed his way inside me. Teeth clenched, I tried to push him up off of me, but I had no leverage. All I could do was shove my back up. “Yeah, see, I knew you wanted to do this,” he said. “No! I don’t want to do this. Now get the fuck off me!” His grip tightened on my wrists. The more I struggled, the harder his breathing got, and the harder he slammed his hips against me. He stuck his tongue in my ear. “Yeah, baby, I like it when you struggle. Fight it. Fight it!” see It can’t on 27 CHURCH OF THE HOLV SPIRIT FELLOWSHIP, INC. Phone: Other: 2873 Robinhood Road Winston Salem North Carolina 27107 336-575-6205 336-499-6134 “Where the fullness of God’s love resides” REV. ROGER E. HAYES Pastor & Teacher - AN INDEPENDENT CHURCH • An Affirming ministry ' • A safe place to heal and grow in Christ Jesus • Celebrating Bie Radially Inclusive love of Jesus Christ www.churchoftheholyspiritfellowshipnc.com ellinascc Upstate^ Dwellings 1 Jack D. McCall, Jr., AHS Pelham Oaks Center 1440 Pelham Rd., Ste. C Greenville, SC 29615 864.313.9738 (p) 1864.458.7622 (f) calljack@aol.com / can help you find your new ptxe from downtown to private retreats and everything in between, as well as Sst your existing home. Give me a call or send me an email and let’s get movingl ’Tour Legal Connection in North Carolina” Melanie J. Mace Attorney at Law P O. Box 886 . Hazelwood, NC 28738 (828) 242-1411 macelegal@gmail.com GlosJulz stained Slass www.glasjulz.com Julie AAcKnight 205 Lyndon St. Studio y (336) 707-5990 glosjulz55@yahoo.com • Custom Framing • Remodeling ^ • Home t Improvement \ •Custom Trim • Decks • Free Estimates MAcM Construction Matthew WiUets 336.669.9259 : • Iff 'm VfA A Samuel B. Johnson, Attorney, pllc Wills and Estates, Family Law, General Practice J.D.,Yale Pn. D., Duke (Mathematics) B.S., Davidson (Mathematics &. German) 910 North Elm Street www.samueijohnsonlaw.com Greensboro, NC 27401 (336) 544-0632 E-MAIL: J0HNS0N@SAMUELJ0HNS0NLAW.COM FAX (336) 275-6045 Family and Marital Counseling Children, Adolescent & Adult Therapy Psychological Testing Substance Abuse Women's Issues Adult Psychiatry Medication Crisis Intervention Trauma Specialists Parenting Skills Anger Management Mood Disorders Anxiety/Depression "Come feel better with us!" Mason & ^Associates Licensed and Professional Staff For Mental Health and Emotional Well-Being Immediate Appointments Available Two Locations to Serve You 806 Stamper Rd., Suite 201, Fayetteville, NC 28303 Office: (910) 860-7038 131 W. Edinborough Ave., Raeford, NC 28376 Office: (910)848-1222 Or refer to our Website: www.masonandas$ocietes. org DECEMBER 27.2008 • QNotes 25
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