Q - LIVING
Tell Trinity
by Trinity . Contributing Writer
I can’t deal with your lover’s
dirty fantasies
Dear Trinity,
Everything, including sex with my lover,
couldn’t be better with one exception: he
wants me to defecate on him. Despite my
refusals, he persists, but I’m afraid if I don’t
satisfy his “dirty pleasures”he’ll seek it some
where else. Help?
Dirty Pleasures, Boston, Mass.
Dear Dirty Pleasures,
You can simply ignore his shitty desires
(Sorry, I had to say the “S” word just once),
but if he still persists, then why not hire a
professional fetish escort. If it’s a profession
al then there’s no chance of romance, only
cash advance. Maybe this
way he’ll get it out of his sys
tem or get tired of someone
else getting it out of their
system on him.
Hello Trinity,
My partner never wants to
fool around when we first wake up. “It’s hardfor
me to get the feeling in the morning’he says.
How do I get him into the morning mood?
Morning Desires, Tucson, Ariz.
Hello Morning Desires,
I’m sure you’d never think of getting up
before him, getting cleaned up, dressed up and
preparing a little champagne breakfast just to
seduce him, would you? Get the hint! (My car
toon will show you how to put the “ooh, la, la”
into breakfast!)
Hey Trinity,
My boyfriend and I broke up five months
ago. Now, it would’ve been our second year
anniversary and I think about him all the time.
How do I get him out of my head? Plus, what
should I do with the pictures of us?
Memory Troubles, Utica, N.Y.
Hey Memory Troubles,
Being depressed over a breakup is
depressing. Yet, did you know that depres
sion created some of the world’s greatest art
and music? So, don’t avoid your sadness,
but, rather use it as inspiration. Now as for
getting him out of your head, try staying
busy with things like dating, cleaning, vol
unteering, exercising and traveling. Don’t
give yourself time to get melancholy. Do
give yourself time to love life. And, lastly.
about those pictures — either hide them on
the bottom, back of the hardest to reach
place or toss ’em out which you’ll eventually
do anyway!
To Trinity,
You’re such an advocate of dating. But, don’t
you think that some people are just meant to be
alone and not date?
Dating Excuses, Oklahoma City, Okla.
To Dating Excuses,
Yes, some people are meant to be alone
only after they’ve dated everyone twice
and read:
Trinity’s Tough Excuses
For Not Dating
1. “I’m waiting for my dream lover!” (Very
Hollywood, but dating while you’re waiting
makes a much better documentary.)
2. “I’m not settling for less than perfect!” (Very
virtuous, but no one is perfect, including
you. So loosen up and start dating!)
3. “Dating is too much workl’ (Very couch
potato, but living itself is work and what
the hell else are you gonna do, watch
TV forever!)
4. “After my last relationship I’m done
dating^ (Very post-war, but how boring to
let your past relationships ruin your
future ones.)
5. “No one could compare to my first love!”
(Very cliche, but let someone at least try to
snap you out of your fairy tale history.)
6. “I don’t have time to date!” (Very CEO, but
just think of how much time and money
you’ll save on loneliness therapy!)
7. “I’m still mourning the loss of my last
lover.” (Very Greek tragedy, but when you’re
done wearing black can you start wearing
life again!)
8. “When it’s the right time it will happen!”
(Very spiritual, but taking steps toward
meeting other people will prove even more
enlightening!”)
9. “I’m busy taking care of someone.” (Very
Mother Teresa, but while you’re doing
something for someone else also try doing
something for yourself.)
10. Lasdy, “Dating is too dissappointin^.”
(Very Van Gogh, but we must be the sum
of our experience not the sum of our fears
or failures!) •
— With a Masters of Divinity,
Reverend Trinity was host of
“Spiritually Speaking,”a weekly radio
drama, and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.coin . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft Lauderdale, FL 33307
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20 OCTOBER 17 .2009 • QNotes