tell trinity
by trinity
qnotes contributor
Being gay is a gift
from God
Hello Trinity,
Very simply. I'm gay! There it is!
said it. Am I going to Hell!
Gay, Gainsville, Ft
Hello Gay,
Congratulations on saying it. Life's a bunch of baby steps
with some big steps thrown in. Gay people are strategically
placed on the earth for very specific reasons,
i.e., controlling population, creating beauty,
balancing out the over-male domination prob
lem, creating homes to foster children, saving
straights from killing each other and much
more. Being gay really is a gift from God! As
far as going to hell? Seriously! Purgatory and
condemnation are biblical marketing tools to
keep the masses in fear of the church. You'll
never go to hell for loving or being loved. And,
remember, honey, "Homosexuality is found in
over 450 animal species. Homophobia is found
in only one."
To Trinity,
What makes you think that you're equipped to
give advise?
Curious, Madison, Wl
To Curious,
Well, I have a Bachelors degree in communication, a hospital
chaplaincy certificate and a Masters of Divinity, which
means I've spent years helping sick people, physically and
psychologically. I also spent five years hitchhiking around
Trinity’s Day Off
the country getting into all sorts of adventures. I've been
a prostitute, been raped and been held at gunpoint by the
KKK. I also spent 20 years as a massage therapist massaging
everyone from amputated marines to pregnant mothers. Oh,
yes, and I put together a 10-piece swing band, produced three
albums and toured Europe in drag. Now, I am opening a gay
ministry called WIG Ministries.org. Check it out on Facebook.
So, darling. I've worked very hard getting prepared to give
"advise" and. I've only just begun. (With so much to do, a girl
has to take a respite, so that's what you'll see when you read
my cartoon.)
Dear Trinity,
I can't help thinking that something's wrong with me! Why are
some of us cursed with being forever single, while everyone
else gets to be in love or married?
Forever Single,
Raleigh, NC
Dear Forever Single,
If you look real closely at
people who are in love
or married, you'll notice
plenty of troubled moments
hidden in between all those
public displays of bliss.
Being in a relationship
truly is not any easier than
being without that special
someone to hug and hold
and kiss and, and...forget
what I just said! Single
sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks,
but, being single does
give you lots of time to
develop yourself. When one equals two it suddenly becomes
much harder to develop yourself. The grass is always greener,
sweetie, so take this time of being single to work on yourself,
cause when love comes a knockin', the personal time you once
dreaded eventually becomes your best friend.
Dearest Trinity,
I really appreciate your way of dealing with questions. You
should think about teaching classes or giving lectures. But, my
question is, "If you had your own finishing school, what would
you teach your students."
Admirer
Dearest Admirer,
I've given lectures and taught classes, but finishing school, I
love the idea. So, pumpkin, here's:
Trinity's Fastidious Finishing School
Tips From Head To Toe
1. Walk with your head up high, not your nose. Beware of
nose hair.
2. Going for a job interview? Hair up. Going on a first date?
Hair down.
3. A splash of cologne is a nice added touch. Smelling like a
department store is way too much.
4. Mile for mile, good looks are less important than class,
charm and style.
5. Going to buy milk? Dress down. Going on the town? Dress up.
6. A wanton tongue brings home sour fortune cookies.
7. If cleavage is meek, a pushup bra promises much more than
a free drink.
8. Obviously it's all about you, but saving that fact 'til much
later helps make one equal two.
9. Flats are fine when with husband and child, but heels turn
heads for miles and miles.
10. If you thinkthat finishing school finishes, then you're never
finished with finishing school.::
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was
host of "Spiritually Speaking," a weekly radio drama,
and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com. Trinity@telltrinity.com
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14 qnotes Dec. 10-23.2011