The Blue
Banner
Editorial
We should pay attention
On Thursday and Friday of last week, the UNCA Board of
Trustees met to decide the direction of UNCA’s future. They
discussed budgets, ground plans, finances, and all manner of
things that will direcly impact our lives as students. The truly
disappointing fact about the meeting was that the only student
to attend was Sergio Mariaca, our SGA president. Why does no
one show interest in these meeting? This is not your standard
policy meeting where nothing happens for three hours. This
meeting was bloody IMPORTANT!
The parking lot behind the cafe is listed as over 60 days late,
and was supposed to be completed by November 15th. Why
isn’t done? Does the construction company not know the
meaning of “Hurry the hell up”? Is the construction company
being penalized for this lateness? Somebody must have these
answers.
Does air conditioning being installed in Highrise and
Carmichael appeal to anyone? That, too, is on the drawing
board, and with a $2 million price tag, it must surely be on
someone’s mind. The city of Asheville wants to use UNCA
property to build a greenway from Broadway to Merrimon.
Does anybody else have images of contruction and traffic
nightmares? What about the fiber optics network they’re going
to install? That would give us incredible Internet access, not to
mention the ability to put emergenc^ call boxes elsewhere on
campus instead of just right in front of the security office.
Computer science majors, are you out there? With all the talk
about safety on this campus, one would think that call boxes
JUST MIGHT be an interesting topic.
How about the Southridge clone they want to build for over $6
million? Do we want another 150 students going here? Do we
have class space to accomodate them? Has the Resident Life
Staff members been given any chance to state their opinions
about Southridge? Are the windows going to fit this time? Do we
want another building where you can’t see the doors from the
hallway?
Are we going to run out of parking spaces again, or are they
going to build the 200 car parking deck that is costing $2 million
to INVESTIGATE, not including actually building the thing?
Where the heck are they going to put it? Are we going to end
up looking like North Carolina State University, a huge pile of
brick with no trees? The renovation of the Highsmith Center is
back on the tracks, with $9, million attached to it. Anyone
intersted?
Nearly $30 million were being run around at that meeting.
Some of it was yours. Do we want to grow the way the Board
wants us to, or are we going to start showing up and let them
know that we, the customers, are paying attention? We have
opinions. We have ideas, and we need to voice them.
Editorial Board
Catherine Elniff
Michael Taylor
Renee Slaydon
Jennifer Thurston
Jeanette Webb
Del DeLorm
Staff
Rafrica Adams, Bob Buchanan, Aimee Campbell, Brad Davis,
John Hodges, Trish Johnson, Jay Malinoski, Kyle S. Phipps,
Mark Plemmons, St. Claire Ready, Alex Self, Jason Wicks,
Monica Williams
Wendy McKinney Advertising Manager
Marissa DeBlasio Business Manager
Thomas Estes Circulation Manager
Regular Contributors
Brian Castle, Nate Conroy, James Hertsch, Kristi Howard,
Sarah Lacy, Catharine Sutherland
Mark West, faculty advisor
The Blue Banner is the student newspaper of the University of North
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sessions, final exam weeks and holiday breaks. Our offices are located in
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the university faculty, administration or staff.
Unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of a majority of the Blue Banner
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Ignore him and we hope he’ll go away
Kristi Howard
Columnist
For a while there I thought
he wasn’t gonna show this
year. I thought that maybe
somehow word had reached
ol’ Gary Birdsong that this
pardner was a’gunnin fer him,
and since this campus ain’t
big enough for the both of us,
I was afraid he’d packed up his
black leisure suit, his Bible
and his old hip-swivelin’
helllll-firrrrre, and rode off
into the sunset.
And then, Monday morn
ing, there he was, standing in
Highsmith Plaza looking like
a sweaty, oversexed Colonel
Sanders in cheap shoes, point
ing at yours truly and telling
me to “Git on back to the
kitchin’” where I belong.
Siiiigh.
How could a columnist pass
up such an opportunity to ridi
cule ignorance in its purest
form?
Now, before I step up onto
my ever-present soapbox, I feel
the need, as a mass communi
cation major, to say this: Gary
Birdsong is within his First
Amendment rights when he
comes here for his bi-annual
circus.
The constitution gives any
human being the right to turn
his/her self into a walking freak
show on public property, and
this university qualifies as pub
lic property.
Now, with that said, I can
proceed to exercise MY first
amendment right to free
speech.
I first encountered Birdsong
when I was a freshman, walk
ing to the Caf with my then
brand-newboyfriend.
Birdsong, surrounded by a
chorus ofhecklers, looked right
at my boyfriend and started
his tirade about longhaired
hippie homosexuals that were
going to burn in hell.
After listening to him some
that day, and on his subse
quent visits, I sensed a general
theme running through his
distracted sermonizing: sex.
Fornication, prostitution, mas
turbation, homosexuality, any
thing sexual at all.
And, of course, that is not
counting his rampant: male-
chauvinism.
I would be inclined to say
that perhaps Mr. Birdsong has
some issues that he needs to
work through in therapy.
He seems to have a theory
that masturbation causes per
manent eye damage. (Come
on, guys, how many of you
heard that old chestnuts when
you were little?)
He usually proclaims this
little gem while putting on his
own thick glasses.
Once, when a heckler com
mented on that fact, old Birdie
replied cryptically, “These are
READING glasses!”
He also seems to have some
sort of animosity toward so
rorities and fraternities, per
haps a direct result of having
been ostracized by a frat in his
college days—or perhaps be
ing turned down by a sorority
girl.
His comments on the matter
suggested that all sorority girls
are whores, all frat boys drunks.
He even went so far as to say
that the sororities on campus
were running the prostitutes of
Asheville right out of business.
Now, I have to say that I know
some sorority girls and some frat
boys, and none of them are sluts
or raving alkies.
This kind of nasty generaliza
tion, however, is just what one
might expect from the kind of
man Birdsong^eems to be.
No, I do not admire him, his
dedication standing out there in
the rain to spread his particular
brand of bulls— despite getting
soaked.
A turkey will stand out in the
rain staring up at the sky with its
mouth open until it friggin’
drowns. We don’t call that dedi
cation, we call it utter stupidity.
I find nothing ADMIRABLE
at all about Gary Birdsong. I
think that when it comes right
down to it, his professed beliefs
are probably as flimsy as the fab
ric of that suit he wears.
His theology is at best ques
tionable, at worst utter fabrica
tion, and so completely full of
contradictions that, listening to
him, one almost gets dizzy try
ing to keep track.
Mr. Birdsong loudly proclaims
that he has a right to come onto
this campus, ruthlessly attack
people with vicious verbal abuse,
and back up his insults with
quotes from the Scripture.
And, according to the Consti
tution, he does. Now what draws
the line between freedom of
speech and harassment in his
case. I’m not sure.
All I know is that I am sick of
Gary Birdsong. He is no
longer a humorous between-
class sideshow, like he seemed
when I was a freshman.
He is a maddening testimony
to the fact that ignorance in
this country has yet to die out.
No, I will not advocate tak
ing Birdsong’s right to free
speech away from him. I will,
however, propose this to ev
eryone on campus: Next time
becomes to UNCA, IGNORE
HIM!!
All the Fresh people have
seen him, now, and everyone
knows how obnoxious he is.
So next time, let him shout
out his poison to the empty
air.
We can’t make him leave our
campus. But maybe ifwe show
him that we don’t care about
'what he has to say, he’ll give
up and go away. The best
remedy for people like him is
to deny them what they love
most: an audience.
Yelling and arguing don’t
work, they only add fuel to
the fire of his madness.
So, when Gary Birdsong re
turns to our fair campus, I
suggest that we all band to
gether, ail you Christians out
there who are having to put
up with the bad image people
like him give you, and all us
non-Christians out there who
have to worry about crazies
like him who burn down
homes of those who believe
differently.
Let’s all band together for a
common cause, for once, and
IGNORE BIRDSONG!!
A voice mail system wastes technology we have
James Hertsch
Columnist
Every year, researchers and
engineers manage to wow us
with some new piece of gee-
whiz technology, something
we never used before but that
we absolutely need now.
Some of these pieces of tech
nology, such as electronic mail
and stainless steel are actually
useful.
Others, such as the products
you see advertised at five
o’clock in the morning on
shows like Amazing Discover
ies, are useless and overpriced
to boot.
Among these overpriced,
useless pieces of technology is
the voice mail system that will
probably be installed on this
campus next fall. While this
piece of gadgetry seems like a
useful device, it really is not.
The major benefits cited as
reasons to support the instal
lation of this system are ful
filled by technology readily
available to all UNCA stu
dents.
Under the voice mail sys
tem, each on-campus resident
(and some commuter students
who wish to partake of the
voice mail service) will be is
sued a unique mailbox in the
campus phone system.
Stored on a computer, a
mailbox can be remotely ac
cessed by the student, and will
function similarly to an an
swering machine. Currently
advertised at a price of $4 per
student per month, this ser
vice also includes the ability to
put together PIN lists to dis
tribute messages to a broad
group of students, as well as a
“wake-up call” to help some
body get up in the morning.
First off. I’d like to address
the price: $4 per student per
month amounts to about $20
per semester. Twenty dollars
per semester yields $40 per
academic year, for a total cost
of $ 160 for a four-year stay at
the university, or $200 if you’re
on the five-year plan.
Add this to the charge for
local service ($16 per room,
divided evenly among room
mates), and you’re looking at a
minimum monthly phone bill
of $8 if you live in Mills Hall,
and a maximum of $20 if you
live in Governor’s Village.
Answering machines, on the
other hand, represent a one
time expenditure, usually of
less than $50 for a basic an
swering machine, a sum which
is significantly below the long
term expense for the voice
mail service.
The counters to the “answer
ing machine” argument are
twofold: first, the voice-mail
system allows unique mail
boxes, rather than a single an
swering machine per room,
and the “ease-of-us^’ argu
ment—as in working remotely
with a pre-installed system.
rather than having to deal with
all the wires associated with an
answering machine.
If one answering machine for a
group of roommates poses a
problem, that’s because one
roommate isn’t sharing messages.
Sometimes, this is indicative of
roommate problems, rather than
a problem unique to the answer
ing machine.
The “ease of use” argument
holds absolutely no water: plug
the answering machine into the
wall, and your phone into the
answering machine. From there,
you record your greeting, and,
presto! Your machine works.
Aside from wires, voice mail
works much the same way—just
without plugging in the wires.
And if you’re really desperate
for private mailboxes for you and
your roommates, a voice/fax mo
dem with some voice-mail soft
ware can work just as well—and
for a lower overall cost than for
voice mail for two to four people.
This brings up a second oft-
neglected technology: e-mail.
As a student at this university,
you re entitled to an e-mail ac
count on the UNCA computer
systems.
From here, you can e-mail to
your heart’s content, communi
cating as quickly and as effi
ciently (and as privately) as one
would on the phone.
E-mail, of course, also addresses
the distribution list question
brought up by voice mail—us
ing Pine or even VMS Mail,
setting up a distribution list,
and sending a message to
multiple recipients with it is a
simple, easily-executed task.
As for the wake-up call bit—
does anybody here not have
an alarm clock?
What I’m trying to say is
that the voice-mail system is
an extremely poor option for
the average college student.
While it no doubt sounds
real neat (and the poll con
ducted earlier this semester
seems to indicate it’s wanted),
this piece of technology will
ultimately be of little to no
benefit to anybody at this uni
versity.
Instead of being a glorious
new piece of machinery, it
instead becomes a phone-
wired white elephant, a sacred
beast we may not kill, but still
eats each of us out of house
and home.
On a side note: I don’t know
which was more interesting
this week: Gary Birdsong
standing outside, in the rain,
without an umbrella, and
preaching his faith. . .
... or the students standing
out there, in the rain, without
umbrellas, heckling Gary
Birdsong for preaching his
faith.
One of these is indicative of
modern attitudes toward free
speech, but I’m not sure
which.