Newspapers / University of North Carolina … / Nov. 21, 1996, edition 1 / Page 3
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November 21, 1996 The Blue Banner Letters to the Editor The late schedule is unrealistic and ridiculous African Studies program offered in the spring Dear Editor, There is only one way to justly describe UNCA’s strategic pro duction of a wintry-whether (that’s a pun) Late-Start Sched ule. But since I recognize The Blue Banner as an upright provider of all the news that’s fit to print while enduring the “college experience,” I will refrain from using any unsportsmanlike lan- have guage. Therefore, I proclaim the Late-Start Schedule as feeble and offer the following ex ample: When the ice covers every thing but my armpits; when it is miracle enough to skate treacherously down my drive way, let alone to the nearest intersection without careening into assorted, half-frozen farm animals; when I haven’t seen or heard another vehicle for three days; when I haven’t seen or heard another human being for three days; when three days seems like two weeks; when television reports spill over with scenes of Armageddon; and fi nally, when army transport planes are dropping supplies from overhead, I’ll know. Yes, then I’ll know. According to the Late-Start Schedule, the alternate time for my 10 a.m. class is 11 a.m. Oh well, then. That’s no problem at all. Why that even gives me an extra hour to scrape the snow and ice from my windshield. Now, ifl could only find my car. Give us a break. The late start times will cause nothing but chaos. I could be wrong, but I think this attempt is hilariously unrealistic. We don’t all live within mushing distance. Gary Gray Mass Communication Condoms, please Dear Editor, A large proportion of UNCA students are not using condoms with intercourse because they feel their partner has been checked for all sexually trans mitted diseases and is clear of disease. This is a very false as sumption. Students who are checked in a medical office for STDs are usually only checked for chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, and maybe syphilis. A medical provider usually cannot check for herpes or wart virus unless there are evident sores. There are blood tests that can be done, but they are expensive and of ten meaningless if they are posi tive. A person can have an an tibody to herpes without being MOTHER GOOSE by Mike Peters maiMJ Dear Editor, Anani Dzidzienyo, tenured professor at Brown University, lectured on Thursday, Oct. 31, 1996. His lecture focused on the world of what he called “Afro-Brazil.” He took the small audience of students, faculty, and local citizens on a journey through the history of Brazil. Included in this journey were accounts of ethnic and racial composi tions of Brazilians, the role of colonialism, discrimination amongst Brazilians, and gen eral Brazilian history. Dr. Dzidzienyo skillfully incorpo rated stories of Princess Isabelle and her association with aboli tionist with the film. Black Orpheus, which was written by the brother of Albert Camus, and the heralded football star, Pele, who is now the minister of sports in Brazil. Each story made understand ing the world of Afro-Brazil that much easier. Afro-Brazil, the Brazil in which African- Brazilians are discriminated against, resembles that of the United States. Interestingly enough. Dr. Dzidzienyo made the same comparison, but did so by first pointing out the simi larities between the size and the population of both coun tries. The lecture was very informa tive, and the question-and-an- swer session that followed was even more so. This lecture was part of the Africana Studies lec ture series which is organized by Dr. Omer and Professor Abunura. The spring semester in ’97 will bring more lectures of this type as well as the Africana Studies minor. Courses range from AFST 130 (Introduction to African Stud ies) to AFST 430 (Senior Semi nar in Africana Studies). Fac ulty that will teach courses in Africana Studies are Professor Abunura, Dr. Omer, Dr. Downes, Professor Harris, and Dr. Lee. Andre Mack Senior Weather Map Weekend Weather Map Summaiy November 22 - 24,1956 Cloudy owers Ocean Water Temperature 61 Nov. 22-24 a carrier of active herpes virus. A person can carry and trans mit herpes virus or wart virus without having any sores. An other STD people can have and not know about is hepatitis. That is the one STD for which you can be immunized. I hope students will pay attention to this warning because it breaks my heart when I need to con sole an infected student who really thought he or she was safe. Use condoms with every act of intercourse. They are free at the Student Health Service in the Weizenblatt building. Karen Weinberg, RN Weizenblatt Student Health Service & GRIMM The Blue Banner is looking for columisfs next semester. Call 251-6586, and be prepared to submit a sample column. Disl. by Tnbup^ Medi bvrvtces. ijic ©1996(jfimmy (nc. hltpy’/www.grimfny. HAW The Blue Banner Weather Weekly This weekend looks to be the best one yet for the month of November. We can expect some clouds to move in late Sunday, but the remainder of the weekend should be partly sunny with temperatures slightly below normal. Hurricane Marco may threaten the U.S. East Coast later this weekend. WF.F.KF.ND WEATHER FOR ASHEVILLE Thursday night, cloudy with rain tapering off, low near 40 Friday, morning clouds will give way to afternoon sun, high between 50-55, low near 37 Saturday and Sunday, partly sunny and seasonable, highs 45-50, lows 27-32 WEEKEND TRAVEL FORECAST Atlanta 57/43 ps 53/37 ms 55/38 ps Charlotte 54/40 ps 50/34 ms 52/34 ps Greensboro 52/39 ms 48/31 ms 52/34 ps Raleigh 55/39 ps 50/32 ms 54/35 ms Wilmington 58/44 ps 55/35 ps j 59/34 ms s=sunny ms=mostly sunny ps=partly sunny cld=cloudy r=rain t=thunderstorms sn=snow For more info, call the UNCA Weatherline at 251-6435 or check out the homepage at The Pilgrims avoided the stuffing, maybe you should too Dave Barry Columnist Thanksgiving is a time of tra ditions, and there is no tradi tion more meaningful than the annual U.S. Department of Ag riculture warning about fatal food-dwelling bacteria.This year. I’m pleased to report, the department has outdone itself: For the first time ever, the de partment has officially advised Americans NOT TO STUFF THEIR TURKEYS. Many alert readers sent in an Associated Press item in which the acting director of the Agri culture Department’s Meat and Poultry Hot Line—whose name is (I’m not making any of this up) Bessie Berry—is quoted as saying: “Improperly cooked : stuffing can cause serious ill- I ness or even death.” I am frankly wondering if : stuffing should be regulated, , like assault rifles, to prevent it , from falling into the wrong hands. j BANK TELLER: May I help you? ROBBER: Hand over the money! SECOND BANK TELLER: Do as he says! He’s holding improperly cooked stuffing! But the looming specter of painful death should in no way dampen the festivity of your Thanksgiving dinner. Just make sure the food is prepared is accordance with federal guidelines(“STEP ONE: Lighting The Blowtorch”). And before you eat, don’t for get to bow your head for the traditional prayer of thanks (“We thank Thee for this boun tiful meal and ask Thine for giveness for the fact that we hath ordered pizza”). Another traditional thing you should do is teach your kids the true meaning of Thanks giving. I suggest you have them put on the following historical play, “The Very First Thanks giving,” which I wrote myself after several backbreaking min utes of research in the encyclo pedia. THE VERY FIRST THANKS GIVING (SCENE ONE: Some Pilgrims are standing on the deck of the Mayflower.) FIRST PILGRIM: Well, here it is, the year 1620. SECOND PILGRIM: Yes, and we have been on this tiny ship, the Mayflower, for many weeks, fleeing persecution in England because of our reli gious views. FOURTH PILGRIM: Also, we wear hats that look like traf fic cones. FIRST PILGRIM: What hap pened to the Third Pilgrim? SECOND PILGRIM: He’s throwing up. FOURTH PILGRIM: Hey, look! There’s Plymouth Rock! Pull over, Captain! LONG JOHN SILVER: Arrrr. (SCENE TWO: The Pilgrims are standing on a shore.) FIRST PILGRIM: Well, this looks like a barren area with poor soil and harsh winters, offering little chance for our survival. OTHER PILGRIMS: Perfect! ROBBER: Hand over the money! FIRST PILGRIM: Hey! You already did your scene in this column! ROBBER: Whoops. SECOND PILGRIM: Look! A Native American! NATIVE AMERICAN: For tunately, I speak English. My name is Squanto. FOURTH PILGRIM: “Squanto”? What kind of name is “Squanto”? SECOND PILGRIM: It sounds nasty! It sounds like, “Mom! The dog made Squanto on the linoleum!” FIRST PILGRIM: What’s “linoleum”? SECOND PILGRIM: I have no idea. SQUANTO: I’m going to show you how to plant maize and beans using alewives, shad, or menhaden as fertilizer. FOURTH PILGRIM: “Ale- Wives : SQUANTO: That’s what it says in the encyclopedia. (SCENE THREE: One year later.) FIRST PILGRIM: Well, here it is, one year later. SECOND PILGRIM: That was a pretty harsh winter. FOURTH PILGRIM: That was definitely the last winter I plan to spend in a small con fined space with people eating a diet of maize and beans. FIRST PILGRIM: Also, as you will recall, we had a lot of starvation and disease, the re sult being that half of us are dead. SECOND PILGRIM: Time for a celebration! (SCENE FOUR: The Pilgrims and Squanto are seated at a banquet table.) FIRST PILGRIM: So here we are, at the (burp) first Thanks giving. SECOND PILGRIM: I defi nitely want the recipe for this alewife dip. FOURTH PILGRIM: Hey, Squanto, what are those drums saying? SQUANTO: (after listening for a moment): Lions 14, Bears 7. FIRST PILGRIM: You know, Squanto, without your help, we never would have sur vived this winter. So we’ve de cided to take over ail of North America and pretty much oblit erate your culture. SQUANTO: Sure. FIRST PILGRIM: Really? You don’t mind? SQUANTO: No, not at all. FIRST PILGRIM: Great! SQUANTO: Try this stuffing.
University of North Carolina at Asheville Student Newspaper
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Nov. 21, 1996, edition 1
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