Newspapers / University of North Carolina … / Sept. 4, 1997, edition 1 / Page 3
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September 4,1997 The Banner Page 3 Perspectives Attack of Druid ladies and cholesterol blobs >right, it wil liking short! bear attaclc rocks, bij. as bears oftei prey returm s bear knon> untain lions, lion countn' ing in group noise to alen lions! Hello’ • we are! Di srtingyouto erybody, let’i 5, three blinil n, see how,, ob. Bob? 01' [IAAARRR( 1, slobber, try to appej irms or open luth with ail' )mach? Geei. n lion has: )r. I guess, lbs and hol(;] lybe do somi .| prevent theit/' om running Duntain lion: it. I’m being is of animals leather jackei n a campaign 300-poun(j roam free ob urally redua lirrel populi echelon fooo Dave Extra Large to Harpoon, as well as an extensive collection ofpre-1992 magazines with the last page of every article torn out—and he hap pened to glance up at his framed copy of the Hippocratic oath. This is an oath that is named after 1 turned 50, which is really not so old. A lot of very famous people accomplished great things after 50. For example, it was during the post- 50 phase of his life that the brilliant physicist Albert Einstein produced tjie vast majority of his drool. ' But still, when you’re 50, you’re definitely “getting up there,” so I decided I’d better go in for my annual physical examination, which is something I do approximately every seven to nine years. I keep my physicals spaced out because my doctor. Curt, who is ordinarily a terrific guy, has a tendency to put ■ on a scary rubber glove and make sudden lunges at my personal re- fgion. ^ [ Also Curt has some ladies who 1 work with him—and again, these are very charming people—who belong to some kind of Druid-style cult that has very strict beliefs un der which they are not allowed to let you leave the office with any of your blood. They get you in a chair and distract you with charming conversation while they subtly take your arm and insert a needle at tached to a long tube that goes outside to a 50,000-gallon tanker truck with a big sign that says “BLOOD.” When they’re done draining you, they don’t even have to open the door to let you out; they just slide you under it. Somehow I got through my physi cal OK. But about a week later. Curt was working late one night at his office—perhaps going through the Official Catalog of Supplies for Doctor’s Offices, which lists needles in sizes ranging all the way from an ancient Greek philosopher, Aristode, because he invented the following phrases, without which modern medical care would be im possible: “Do you have insurance?” “We’re going to have to run some tests.” “You may experience some dis comfort.” “We’re going to have to run some more tests.” “The tests were inconclusive.” Anyway, Curt was looking at the Hippocratic oath, which all doc tors are required to take, and he noticed the sentence that says: “And I swear by my Lexus that if any person comes into my office for any reason, whether it be for a physi cal examination or simply to de liver the mail, I will find something medically wrong with that person.” And so Curt, realizing that if he let me get out of my physical scot-free, burly agents of the American Medi cal Association Ethics Unit would come and yank his stethoscope right out of his ears, called me and told me that the cholesterol level in my blood was a litde high. 1 tried to argue that this was no longer my problem, since all my blood was in ART PARTS the possession of the Druid ladies. but Curt insisted that I had change my dietary habits. To help me do this. Curt sent me some informative medical pam phlets that explain to the lay per son, via cartoons, what cholesterol is. Technically, it is a little blob shaped guy with buggy eyes and a big nose who goes running through your blood vessel, which is a tube going to your heart, which can be seen smiling in the background. Sometimes the blob guy gets stuck, causing him to get a grumpy expression and have a balloon come out of his mouth saying, “I’M STUCK.” If too many cholesterols get stuck, your blood vessel looks like a New York subway train at rush hour, and your heart gets a sad face, and surgeons have to go in there with a medical device originally developed by Roto- Rooter. To prevent this from happen ing, you need to be very careful about your diet, as follows: FOOD GROUPS YOU CAN NOT EAT: Meat, milk, cheese, butter, desserts, processed foods, fried foods, foods with skins, res taurant foods, foods your mom made, foods from packages, foods shown in commercials, foods con taining flavor, foods being car ried around on trays at wedding receptions, appetizers, snacks, munchies, breakfast, lunch, din ner, take-out, drive-thru, pina coladas, any food with a phrase such as “GOOD LUCK HERB! written on it in frosting. FOOD GROUPS YOU CAN EAT: Water (unsweetened), lowfat ART PARTS celery, wood chips. This diet has been difficult for me to follow. The worst narr has been giving up cheese. 1 love cheese. I’m the kind of person who, merely while rummaging through the re frigerator to see what else is avail able, can easily gnaw his way through a hunk of cheddar the size of the late Sonny Liston. But I’ve been pretty good so far, and I’m hoping that my blood cholesterol will be a lot lower, if 1 ever develop blood again. Curt wants me to come back in and have it checked. He’ll never take me alive. Addicted to the Net Excessive use harmful, psychologists say his philoso- time. It’s the (CPS) Diane Kerwin, a University of Chicago sophomore, used to spend 40 hours a week on the Internet, surfing or chatting with I PTl I But the Net bepn to interfere with her normal life, so now, she says, she’s cut back to 35 hours. “My boyfriend dumped me be- 'alifornia jact f cause I spent too much time on- ear to ear bt/^ line, but he was a loser anyway,” pid to do anj S Kerwin, 22, said. “It hurt a lot, so I ;d-up, stylinjWcut down.” straight froi ® Kerwin admits that she is not like are constant other college students who dial up t^e worked the ;; the Net to research a paper, check they’ve totall football scores, or read a horoscope. )tion. i Like an increasing number of com- us thing aboil >. puter users, she spends hours prowl- collective atii, ’ ing the Internet and compulsively :ion. It doest checking her electronic mail, the shows co “It’s like an addiction for me, like )es every minif ' booze or drugs for other people, le up to go r ■ she said. strangers... \i ' In fact, the obsession some college of race mis ■ 'students have for the Net can spark couple of‘blj' - mood swings, tear apart personal ek, hire a wii r lives and disrupt studies, similar to ses pseudo-Yt i i drug and alcohol abuse, according chmeckin” at to psychologists, ccuse us of (IB In ^ study of227 college students, EHthree out of four said their use of ay Should It Internet upset various activities of daily life. As a group, college e Connectio '■ istudents—who at many campuses itesrealdatesi; jhave free access to the Net--are checks so tl^ :pconsidered to be at a high risk tor ut on a date^* ‘ Internet abuse, according to Janet >nly give th(»»,Morahan-Martin, a Bryant College the shows of «| psychology professor who con- f s#-'!ducted the study. 'A Students were considered “patho logical addictive ” if they admitted 3 to four or more symptoms indicat- 1 ing abuse. vitn a couir - “Compared to others, pathologi- n you have not- ’ cal users scored significantly higher it that you 4' ’ ‘ (°n a loneliness scale), were more ough that sof j 1‘kely to go on-line to relax, talk to r thought )i pothers with similar interests, meet ;ouchPotato^’ new people, and for support,” she jtes ■ idy flow of She also found that many Net ,ve Connecti®!'*^ addicts report that it’s easier to open ay in product^i “P fnd ineet people on-line. neansthatso("f Edwin Colon, 21, a University of is, at this vfffl Chicago junior admitted that s mor. u/itT'll why he enjoys chatting on the Net. iff a man . i “^en bi er spends about 40 hours a week “I express myself better on-line, he said. “I feel like the constraints of the keys allow me more free dom.” Also, “I can talk to my friends in my underwear, and not be embar rassed,” he said. But too much time spent on the Net can hurt attention to studies. Kimberly Young, a University of Pittsburgh psychologist, said some college students spend so much time on the Internet that they flunk out of college. Such obsessive behavior should be viewed by the mental health com munity as seriously as alcohol or drug abuse, said Young, who con ducted a three-year study on Net give shows t actually se^ e out, and of s “dates. you went o bbean? Howf vith a com ARTPARTS addiction. Obsessive Internet users, or “de pendents,” stay on-line for hours each day and ofi:en create new per sonalities for themselves in chat rooms, she said. Over the course of her study, she identified 396 “de pendents” and found that 42 per cent were unemployed college stu dents or homemakers. The “dependents” said they enjoy fantasy games similar to Dungeons and Dragons, where they can inter act with people like themselves. They spend an average of 38 hours on-line each week, compared to eight hours a week reported by avid, but not addicted. Net users. “When asked about the main at tractions of using these direct dia logue features,” said Young, “86 percent of dependents reported anonymity, 63 .percent accessibil ity, 58 percent security, and 37 percent ease of use.” Other users report that they like to “transform” and take on a new identity when they’re in achat room. Bonnie Mathis, a University of Chicago sophomore, said she cre ates a new personality for herself about once a week. “It allows me to experiment and change myself,” she said. ‘ It cap get scaty, with all the stories you hear, but nothing can go wrong if you are smart.” A number of well-published cases have spelled out all too clearly what can go wrong. Earlier this year, a Barnard Col lege student accused her cybersex pen pal of sodomy and torture. The alleged 20-hour ordeal happened when they finally met face-to-face, after weeks of exchanging messages over the Internet. The man, Oliver Jovanovic, a Co lumbia University doctoral candi date, has been charged with kid napping, assault and sexual abuse. The woman is now suing to keep her e-mail correspondences—in which they discussed sadomasochistic experiences—from being entered into court. “My e-mail discussions are pri vate. . .adventures. . .in which I push myself to think.. .to workout troubling philosophical problems,” she wrote in an affidavit. “To have something that personal j ust handed over to the man that raped me. . .is like ripping something out of my soul.” In her study. Young found that for many users, chat room relation ships answer “a deep and compel ling need in people whose real lives are interpersonally impoverished.” The psychologist found her re search subjects by sending a quety out on the Internet. “Dependents” met certain criteria including: a preoccupation with the Internet; inability to control use; and rest lessness, irritability or other with drawal symptoms when ttying to cut back use. Research subjects also said they had jeopardized relationships, jobs, and other opportunities for the Net. Tips for first-year survival (CPS) Ask a college junior or senior what they remember as the most difficult thing about their first days on campus, and most are quick to respond. “Not knowing what to expect,” said Denise Palmer, a Brigham Young University senior. And perhaps just as bad, “not knowing anyone,” said Beverlee Bailey, a senior at Columbia College in Chicago. Surviving the adjustment from high school to college can be a tough time for incoming stu dents. There’s dealing with roommates, being away from home, and coping with studies. In fact, national statistics indi cate one out of four students will drop out after their freshman year. That’s one reason why new comers may want to seek out advice from those who know campus life best: upperclassmen. “Students are much more likely to believe the truth if it comes from othe/ students,” said Dr. Betsy Baf'efoot of the National Resource Center for the Fresh man Year Experience at the Uni versity of South Carolina. “The most recent research indicates that the power of upperclassmen to affect the success of first-year students is unparalleled. With that said, here are some tips from a few seasoned colle gians on how to survive campus life and make the most of college years. ♦ No Curfew, No Parents. There’s nothing quite as sweet as the first taste of freedom—but don’t overdo it, students cau tion. “When you first get there, any holds that your parents had on Other tips: ♦ Don’t get too wrapped up with your studies ♦Respect your roommates ♦ Avoid exces sive partying you vanish,” said William Lee, a sophomore at Western Illinois University. “You have the option of doing whatever you want. If you want to get drunk the entire weekend, you can.” Like it or not, there are no par ents to wake you for class, no principals keeping class atten dance. Brian Hulse, a sophomore at Utah Valley State College, said he had trouble adjusting to that. “There’s no penalty for ditching, and I just didn’t go,” he said. “Go to class. Don’t skip. It’s a really bad, bad habit just to start,” said Sarah Carlson, a University of Michigan junior. “Once you start, you think, ‘Oh, that wasn’t such a big deal.’ Then you skip again and again. The problem is if you aren’t there to hear the lecture, it’s hard to understand it when it’s on the exam.” ♦ Fitting In. You don’t know any one yet, and your bags are barely unpacked, but it’s time to register for classes. Where’s the bookstore again? You don’t even know your way around campus. Take time to take care of yourself, no matter how busy things are, say students. Amber Zimmerman, an Eastern Illinois University senior, said try- ir^ to “fit in” to the social scene really stressed her out. “Now that I’m asenior. I’d tell freshmen not to tty and fit in. Just be yourself,” she said. It’s best to turn to others, whether you’re confused about your major or fighting with your roommate, said April Richardson, a St. Phillips College sophomore. “Ask other people, upperclassmen mainly, for help,” she said. “They’ve been around and should know what they’re doing.” The Banner welcomes letters and comments regarding the content or quality of this publication. Letters should be typed, double-spaced, and should not exceed 300 words. Letters for publication should also include the author’s sig nature, class standing, and major or other relationship with UNCA. E-mail submissions should contain a telephone number for verification. The deadline for Letters to the Edi tor is noon on Tuesday. Please send letters to: The Ban ner, 208A Carmichael Hall, One University Heights, Asheville, NC 28804, or e-mail Banner@unca.edu.
University of North Carolina at Asheville Student Newspaper
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Sept. 4, 1997, edition 1
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