'[imj 26,1998
The Banner
Page 5
Features
agles: The remodeling goes on and on
Rebecca
Sulock
columnist
jle is on a mission from God.
oal, if he achieves it, is to ie-
his already top-of-theJine
non Avenue Ingles, and t»rn it
perfect grocery store, t)leTaj
ilof supermarket,the
Teeter, if you will, oylngles.
iqilite sure what 1 thir^ of this
I
.. 1 first started livii;g on my
ihe 24-hour Merriijlon Ingles
(ome something (jf a second
for me. 1 have a \k of happy
irics from this parzicular store,
les when I was bored, 1 d go
their stimulartng Reading
for the latest issues of such
magazines as “Big Guns
lily,” “Half-Naked Men with
Weekly,” and “Half-Naked
ith Big Guns and Fast Cars
as Tuesday, the I n-Store Videy
cent video rentals, and I couW
It some decades-old movies thkt
tied later I’d already tapedAff
Late Night. When I ne^ed
: flowers at the last minut/ for
weddings, fijnerals, Kwanzaa. The
floral department delivered. The bak
ery was there forall of my most special
occasions, always eager to illegibly
script names on cakes with pastel
pink frosting. The seafood depart
ment provided me crablegs in times
of trouble.
And for general hunger, I'd wander
up and down the aisles and end up
with a healthy, well-planned meal,
consisting of items such as those litde
canned mandarin orange'slices and
Cheez Whiz.
Actually, that’s another subject en
tirely. Never, ever go to a grocery
store when you are hungry, because
everything \ooks delicious, including
the rai nbow gelatin cakes i n the Clear
ance Deli section.
So why tamper with perfection?
When Bobo, my friend, stock boy,
and late-night cashier first told me
about the planned remodeling, I was
aghast. He informed me that the
store would be closing early for the
next several months, and I was devas
tated.
Where would I hang out? Where
could I go at two in the morning to
hear the muzak version of “Whole
Lotta Love?” Who would cater to my
cravings for tater tots at wee hours t)f
the morning?
One of the only redeeming features
ofNorth Asheville nightlife is this 24-
hour-a-day mecca.
Othercollege towns
have bars that stay
open past 11:30
p.m. Asheville has
agreat grocery store.
Fortunately, they
decided not to close
the store nightly,
even when they
were tearing up the
floor with machines
that made sounds
of airplane-level
decibels, or fumi
gating the place
with seemingly le
thal chemicals. A
consistent practice
that does upset the
daily balance of my
life is their once a
week closing at
11:00 p.m., alleg
edly to wax the
floors. I think this may be aclever ruse
to allow the stock boys a weekly
pajama party, because I’ve never wit
nessed the actual “waxing.” During
the closing, I drive by slowly right up
near the doors, peek through the
glass, and see nothing. I’ll drive by
again, in case someone saw me drive
by the first time and decided to open
the store up for just a minute so I can
purchase my much-needed frozen
potato products. I’ll drive by yet
again...well,youkiiow. 1 diinkw'hat’s
really going on is the stock boys are
sitting in the back of the store gig
gling, playing Truth or Dare, and
consuming massive quantities of the
weekly special, Buy-One-Get-One-
Free pork rinds.
Slowly I’m getting used to the inevi
table changes, and I’ve decided they
aren’t all bad. For one thing, they
now have a Mexican food section that
offers Catholic religious paraphenalia
of various sorts. Amidst the black
beans and fajita seasoning, you can
now find Immaculate Heart of Mary
candles. My burrito dinners gain a
holy new dimension as 1 eat by the
soft light of the Virgin. The Mary
candle also gives special significance
to the fervent prayers I say to myself
as I choke on the ex
cessive amounts of
cheese provided by
, good Mexican food.
My personal favor
ite additions are the
splashy new racks in
the Reading Center.
They’re mirrored,
very futuristic. Now
when 1 read my issue
pi 1^5^, of “Half-Naked Men
{' 11 Who Own Lots of
pf li C'ows and Big CSuns
jm and Fast Trucks, ” 1
S m can actually witness
f 11 die look of sheer de-
I II light that crosses my
IB face as 1 turn each
Jm fabulous page.
1 have noticed a
couple of significant
problems, however.
The produce racks are
entirely evil. 1 guess
someone decided that the old pro
duce bins were too horizontal, and
didn’t allow enough apples to roll out
onto the floor.
The new bins are designed so that if
the perfect orange is in the middle of
the fruit arrangement, you choose it
and all the other oranges fall onto the
allegedly newly-waxed floor. Lhis dis
courages people from buying pro
duce, because once they pick that
orange, they’re forced to run away
and hide beh 1 nd the salad dressi ngs to
avoid being incriminated.
They also replaced the much-famed
wine kiosk with a new, elaborate wine
labyrinth. 1 think this was a mistake.
The previous system worked: outside
the pavilion you could find your bet-
ter-quality, higher-priced wines, in
side they stocked beverages for those
with a slightly looser definition of
“wine”: Hawaiian Blue Mad Dog,
Thunderbird malt liquor, and
chillable red wine-in-a-box.
Yes, you should be duly frightened
when you see the phrase “chillable
red wine,”’ and yes, it tastes exactly as
awful as it sounds. Anyway, the new
wine lab) riiuh is scary and less effi
cient, and can cause claustrophobic
panic attacks, whereas the old pavil
ion was breezy, aiiy, and accessible.
The really mystifying thing about
all this remodeling is that some Ingles
stores don’t seem to have had so
much as a facelift since 1975. The
location on runnel Road still has
narrow aisles, a tiny produce section,
and an abrasive red and yellow decor.
rhe Ingles in Fairview doesn’t seem
to have been touched either. Why are
they renovating an already compara
tively grand store, and ignoring many
of the other locations?
This is a question to ponder when
you venture inside those automatic
glass doors late at night to wander the
aisles and satisfy your soul.
4-
HI
Fit' 'oiii' Inliiniialion
academic notices
Undergraduate Research - Summer Research Grant Proposals
deadline, KH 126 (x6122) • 2/27
arrican american heritage mont
Minorify Career Fair, 12-2pm, HC Lounge (x6671) • 2/26
Film: "Ghosts of Mississippi", 6pm, HC Lounge • 2/28
february
26
thru
march 5
athletics
Womens Basketball vs. Coastal Carolina, 6pm, Lynchburg, Va., Big South
Tournament • 2/26
Men's Basketball vs. Liberty or Coastal Carolina, 6pm, Lynchburg, Va.,
Big South Tournament • 2/27
Men's & Women's Tennis vs. High Point, 3pm, JG Courts • 2/27
Baseball vs. ASU, 3pm, GF • 3/5
career opportunities/jobs
Resume Review ■ appointments available, 1 -4pm, Mon., Tues., Thurs.,
WHC 101 or email nv/hite@ bulldog
• WNC Consortium Job Fair, Grove Park Inn (4/14) - see Career Center
homepage for registered employers - update v/eekly
UNCA
FYI is a service
of the Student
Activities and
Student Affairs
offices.
FYlis pulished each Thursday.
Deadline to submit information is
Friday at noon, for the following
week's publication. Next deadline.
February 27. Send a copy with
basic information to The Banner, c/o
Ad Manager, CH 208A or S.
McDonald, HC 27.
concerts/live entertainment
Open Mic Nite - "Headv/aters", 7:30-9:30pm, KH Lxiurel Forum
(spon. by Creative Arts Magazine) • 2/26
Woodv/ind Quintet, 4pm, LH 018 (x6432) * 3/1
Open Mike sign ups in UP office, HC 44, performance, 9pm, HC
Lounge • 3/4
Family Friendly Week: B.C. Child Development Information Table,
11am-1pm, RBH Lobby* 2/26
Study Break with Karaoke, 9pm, HC Lounge (x6700) • 3/3
Child Care Surveys - fill out & drop one in RL, DH, RBH, HC
Stress Management v/ith Dr. Keith Ray, 5-6pm, PDR (Dinner provided - sign
up in HC 48) (x6588) *3/4
Resource Center/Leadership Library - outside HC 37
lectures/workshops/seminars
"Human Rights in Nigeria & the Environmental Degradation in Ogoni Land"
Africana Studies Round Table, 5-6:30pm, RL 11 (x6626) • 2/26
"Last Lecture Series" - Nina East, 12:15pm, HC 018 • 3/2
"Last Lecture Series" - Dr. Dwight Mullen, 7:30pm, HC Lounge *3/2
Spanish Table - Liliana Castro, guest speaker (opportunities for students to
interpret) Noon* 3/4
"Wise Women, Wild Women; Archetypes of the Feminine", 3 month course -
1st & 3rd Tuesdays of March, April, May, 6-8pm ($75 UNCA students - see
Nina East for scholarship) (x6670) * 3/3-5/19
"Cuba: Time to Rethink U.S. Strategy?" by Linda Cornett, 7:30pm, OCC*3/2
"Jerusalem: Holy Space/ Unholy Times" by Walter Ziffer, 7pm, OCC*3/3
organizations/special programs
"Tfie Human Quest" - Dialogue & Discussion by Christians & Bahai's,
7:30pm, HC Lounge (spon. by Baha'i & Christian Ministries) *2/26
Rock-a-thon, 12-1pm, HC Plaza (donations to Helpmafe) (spon. by Gamma
Phi Beta) * 3/S-3/6
"The Healing Force" - stimulate cultural awareness, community service,
perf. arts, 7pm, HC Lounge (spon. by BSU, PCF, UMCM) (258-3817) * 3/5
outdoor activities (sign up in HC)
Beginning Kayak classes, 7-9:40pm, Pool * Wednesdays
Outer Banks - Spring Break Trip, $175 includes most meals, equip., guides,
travel & camp fee - sign up now * 3/14-3/21
tickets-discounts-hc27-10am to 4pm
charlotte Hornets- March games go on sale, (Feb. 28 gome vs. Orlando
Magic available) (x6584) * 3/2
Movie tickets to local United Artists theatres - $4 for students
Brit Small - Oie Exhibition "Pieces of a Puzzle" (reception - 6:30-
8:30pm * 2/26) Univ. Gallery, OH * 2/27-3/17
Alumni Art Exhibit, Ramsey Library (x6336) * thru 2/28
UNCA Art Majors Exhibition, Asheville Gallery of Art, 16 College St.
(x6875) *thru 2/28
Michael Youngblood Exhibition, reception, 2nd floor gallery, OH •
2/27-3/18
mm
"Ghosts of Mississippi", 6pm, HC Lounge * 2/28
leadership opportunities
Resident Assistant Application available now in Housing Office
SGA Elections - pick up applications for positions in HC 39 (x7178)
* due noon, 2/27
women's history month-March
"Riding a Harley, Reroofing a House ..., by Nina East, 12:15pm, PDR * 3/2
Opening Celebration, 4-5pm, KH Laurel Forum • 3/2
"Feminist Pedagogy - Not Just for Feminists Anymore" by Pamela Nickless &
Leah Mattews, 12:15ptr., HC 018 * 3/3
An Evening of Women's Art, 7pm, KH Laurel Forum *3/4
"Beyond Suffrage -The Seneca Falls Convention, 12:15pm,
PDR by Pamela Nickless .& Tracey Rizzo *3/4
Baha'i Perspective on Advancement of Women, 7pm, KH Laurel Forum * 3/4
"Practicing Women's History", by students from History 355,12:15pm, HC 018
• 3/5
volunteer opportunities
Be a "Busytov/n Busybody" - help children ages 2-10 & their families enjoy the
tov/n created by author Richard Scarry at the Health Adventure, Pack Place •to|
volunteer, call 251-6588