December 3, 1998
The Banner
Features
Page 5
Size makes a difference to UNCA aciministrators
)NSTR'JC^'ON
A=EA
Maybe it’s just me, but last time 1
checked, we were a small school.
I know, I know. The administration
'1 longs for the day when we will com-
q pete against Chapel Hill in basketball
/, jiid get a chance to have a Heisman
! Trophy winner.
But, you know what? That’s just
ji ignorant. 1 was actually a little weary
of using that word, so I looked it up
!' in the dictionary. Ignorant: and sure
; mough, there was a pictureof Phillips
Hall.
Here’s, a completely new idea: let’s
It see what the students want and do
what’s best for them.
What? We have students at this
If school?Yes,youdo.Whosegradesdo
, you think you are posting-on the
! Internet? What’s that about?
I remember when UNCA was a
.• small, “friendly” school that sucked
1.' up32centsandacmallymailedgrades.
But, oh no, not any more. Now
, they’re going to post them on the
Internet. “But wait,” you say, “some
students are not blessed with the
Internetat home.” Well, since UNCA
is a non-discriminatory school, then
surely you can call and get your grades
when they are put on everyone else's
computer screen.
But you can’t... you have to wait
until you get back to school and
check the Internet here, oryou could
have UNCA mail them to you when
you return to Asheville. But if you
live on campus, you might get them
a bit late, UNCA’s Pony Express mail
system is alitde less than swift-footed.
And why are grades being posted on
the Internet? The same reason we’re
having a homecoming parade with
real floats. All the BIG schools do it.
That seems to be the reason for a lot
of things that UNCA does these days.
When are you guys going to realize
that most of the students who attend
this school do so because it is small?
That’s what attracted us here, and
i trying to make it bigger, or make it
j simply feel bigger, will turn potential
I students away.
I I’ve got a good idea for a float in the
parade. How about we get the entire
administration on a flat-bed
truck and make it the ACC
float? You’lllookcool! Maybe
■ we can make Western and
I AB-Tech want to be like us!
€
Or, how about if we dress up
Patsy Reed and Jim Pitts like
theTarheel and the Blue Devil
and have them mud wrestle
on the quad?
I don’t know if the BIG
schools do that, but, boy,
wouldn’t that be fun!
While we’re at it, why don’t
we encourage our relaxed
G reek system to haze, rhereb)’
increasingalcohol abuse, vio
lence, and rape?
Why shouldn’t we? All the
BIG schools are doing it. So, if we’re
going to have all these problems on
campus now, then shouldn’t we beef
upourUNCA Mayberr^’TaskForce?
Suppose we could splurge and buy a
few new Tahoes, maybe some riot
gear for those angry mobs after hu
manities lectures.
But face it, we’ll only ever have one
Cool Breeze. Maybe we could pump
more money into an already overly-
pumped athletics department, and
instead of the Dean Dome, we could
have the Eddie Arena!
Let me ask you guys a question. Do
you think that Chapel Hill is an
academically sound school because
Michael Jordan played basketball
there? Then where does the philoso
phy come from that we should spend
more money on athletics? Oh, all the
big schools do it. Of course. Well,
why don’t we stop being morons for
five seconds and think. Maybe if we
could build a strong academic school,
then we’ll be noted for that, and good
things will come.
Or, we could just keep firing ad
juncts, canceling classes, and leaving
students to register from a shrinking
schedule.
Then we’d have more money for
sports, because they are so important
to that 94 percent of the student
population that doesn’t play. Look at
that Bulldog go!
If we want to be like the big schools.
then why don’t we install a food
court somewhere on campus? Then
maybe that would take a lot of pres
sure off the caf to not have to cook so
many types of food.
Most schools have Pizza Huts, Taco
Bells, and Chic-fil-A's. What do we
get? Sparky's Sizzling Salads. Yee-
hah! Chalk one up for Marriott!
All I’m saying is that most of the
students here like the feel of a small
school, and any step away from that
will be a mistake. So, how about if the
school doesn’t change and the ad
ministrators just get a jobs some
where else.
I’m sure one of the ACC schools
would love to hire you and make you
into one of the thousands that work
under them.
Come on guys, go be a gimp for the
man! Or you could stay here and
enjoy this small school environment
like the rest of us were trying to do.
Read more of Wiley Cash’s columns
on The Banner Online @ www.
unca.edu/banner.
ART PARTS
academic notices
Undergraduate Research Fall Symposium, l-5pm, KH • 12/7
Lost day of classes • 12/11
Final exams • 12/14-12/18
career opportunities/jobs
Resume Reviews by appt., WHC 101 (x6515)
JobTrak, UNCA's web-based job listing service, link on Career Center
Homepage - www.unca.edu/career
"E-Jobs" email - receive weekly lists of part-time employment - email
kdkeller@unca.edu or call x6515
concerts/live entertainment
• Holiday Concert, 4pm, Thomas Wolfe Aud., (spon. by Dept of Music)
(x6432) • 12/6
Percussion Ensemble, 8pm, LH018*12/10
Tm
Bookstore Appreciation Day, 4-8pm, HC (refreshments, door prizes, 20-
70% sale) • 12/3
Holiday Dinner, 5-6:30pm, DH, $4.75 all welcome *12/4
Holiday Showcase - a celebration of cultures & traditions, 6:30-8pm, HC
(x6672) • 12/4
Table Tennis Tournament • play thru 12/4
Food Service Committee, 5pm, PDR • 12/7
Holiday Art & Ceramic ^le, OH Ceramic Studio & OH 132 (x6559)
• 4-6pm, 12/11; lOam-Noon, 12/T2
1999 WNC Weather Calender, $5 at Dept, of Atmospheric Sciences,
RBH 236C • Now on Sale
Faculty Senate Meeting, 3:15pm, RL Red Oak Rm • 12/10
Chancellor's Open Hour, 2pm, PH 253 (x6500) • 12/10
Financial Aid Information, 11 am-1 pm, DH • 12/10
Microfit Health Assessment, 9am-3pm, or by appt.. Biometrics Uib, HFC
(x6513) • Fridays
Beginning Kayaking, 7-9:30pm, JG Pool - Wednesdays
Activities' e-Events email - weekly updates, turn in forms in HC 27
S.C.A.R.S. - Sexual Crimes, Abuse & Rape Survivors, 9:15am, Counsel
ing Center, WHC (x6710) • Tuesdays
"One Language" - Erika Sprister Exhibit Univ. Gallery, OH • thru 12/8
Jamie Bryant Exhibit, 2nd floor OH, "U KA DV I" Photographs • thru 12/8
"Cultural Lenses: A Photographic Show of Study Abroad Experiences", RL
Gallery • thru 12/6
• "2001: A Space Odyssey" (Humanities Film Fest), 4:30pm, RL • 12/9
intramurals
Basketball & Volleyball Information meetings, 6:30 & 7:00pm, HFC 203
• 12/7
lip opportunities
Resources Library, outside HC 37
lectures/workshops/seminars
"Hearing from UNCA Alumni", 1 lam & 6pm, LF • 12/3
"Understanding Latin America Through Literature" by Dr. Alice Weldon,
7:30pm, OCC, free to students • 12/7
"Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" discussed by Larry Haas,
7:30pm, LF (spon. by Econ. Club) (x6550)» 12/7
"The Detrimental Effects of Peer Group Relationships on the Rejected Child"
by Jasmin Gentling, MLA degree candidate, 3pm, LF • 12/10
Wrapping up the Semester, 11 am, LF *12/10
Celebrate the 50th Anniv. of Universal Declaration of Human Rights,
excerpts from winning essays of UNCA students, 7:30pm, HLH • 12/10
organizations/special programs
Homecoming '99 meeting, 6pm, HC 018 (for all event sponsors) *12/3
Holiday Showcase - a celebration of cultures and traditions, 6:30-8pm, HC
- all welcome (candle unity service - 7pm) • 12/4
Gloves, hats, socks for children - hang on HC tree, HC Lobby (spon. by
ODK) • 12/1-12/18
Jewish Cooking class, 7-9pm, South Ridge Kitchen (spon. by Jewish Stud.
Assn.) • 12/3
Headwaters, UNCA Creative Arts Magazine - accepting poetry, essays,
short stories, one-act plays, artwork - email creative ©bulldog, unca.edu •
deadline 12/4
outdoor activities (sign up in HC)
• Rock Climbing arid Bouldering - Hueco Tanks, South Texas - sign up now -
$250* 1/5-1/13/99
• Rental equipment - Mountain bikes, backpacks, tents, sleeping bags, maps
theatre
• Forum Theatre "Counting the Ways" & "Zoo Story", 7pm, CBT • 12/11
• Forum Theatre "Baby with the Bathwater", 2pm, CBT; "Women Must
Weep" & "The Problem", 7pm, CBT • 12/12
ticlcets-discounts-hc27-10am to 4pm
• Biltmore House - $20
• Movie tickets to local United Artists theatres - $4
• Asheville Smoke Pro-Ice Hockey - $4
• Asheville Art Museum - $ 1
volunteer opportunities
^^^^^^B^Coun^^Gwemmen^iseveral positions available)
First Night Asheville presented by Mission St. Josephs
Eckerd Youth Alternatives
Kenilworth Cemetary (restoration of old slave cementary)
Big Brothers Big Sisters - 253-1470
For more information, call Ardie Hollifield x6588
For Voiir Inioniiiilion
december
3
thru
december
10
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