Newspapers / University of North Carolina … / April 20, 2000, edition 1 / Page 6
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Page 6 The Banner April 2 Features College at 56: an experiment in re-leaming ..... . .. Tn one class we have studied the there exists a categorical imperative Lynne Fox columnist It was a Thursday, and, not hav ing much to do but paint my nails, find a full time job or watch TV, I opted for another route. I would go back to college. Of course, it was possible I was suffering from a brief bout of hy poglycemia, or low blood sugar, but knowing my eating habits, I doubted it. My friends reacted as if I’d been temporarily booted off the Internet of my mind, but they hoped that I’d sign on again and go for the job or, at the very least, start a new quilt. I wanted adventure, but adven ture without tying a bungee cord to my ankle. Still, I wondered whether a woman of 5’6 years belonged in such a setting. I already had a degree in English, but that was from back when trees were invented. I thought I might like to write, so I looked for classes that might show off my spectacular skills. I might even learn some thing. My ultimate goal was to write in the mornings, collect lots of money from the postman for my brilliance at noon, go to the fabric shop in the afternoon and then watch TV at night. Throw in a dinner out, occa- onally, and I’d have a comfortable life. I searched the UNCA catalog for anything I might like and it seemed that I should be in mass communi cation. Going for that degree ne cessitated that I take several required courses. That seemed Okay to me, so I carefully selected my classes by the position of the stars and sometimes by their titles. I soon found that course titles can be deceiving, but decided I would enjoy whatever they led to, because, after all. I’d never studied courses like these before. Whatever I learned could be applied somewhere. Hope fully I’d learn something on Tues day and apply it on Wednesday. The first day of classes was excit ing. I had my fresh, new, clean notebooks and my pens. My only problem was in forgetting to write down the room numbers, so I was a little delayed in getting to classes. The second day I had that prob lem solved. I had room numbers memorized. But about a week and a half into classes, I began to have doubts about my decision. I had very tiny ones, though. A couple of days later they had grown a bit. Actually, they had grown to the point of total Internet control. I called my teenage son in Hawaii and, crying enormous tears, told him about my terrible situation. I speculated that I was having the onset of Alzheimer’s because my mind had been booted. I wanted him to know where my will was and where the insurance papers were. What was I to do? It seemed only fair to ask him, since I’d potty trained him and told him what to do with his boogers all those years ago. Now was payback time. After listening to his irrational mother spew her insecurities, he calmly produced a solution. He said that I had two directives. One, 1 was to talk to the teacher for more information, and, two, I was to get Less than a day later, I had already taken his advice and, miraculously, it seemed to work. I wondered where he got all that wisdom. Unhappy with high gas prices? Con cerned with air quality? Why not carpool? If you are inter ested, please call 232-5186. SUMMER WORK . $11.00 BASE-APPT • FT/PT Flex Schedules • Scholarships/Internships Avail. • Customer sales/service Conditions appy. Call 281 - 2500. April 28-MaylO v/ww. workforstudents.com/np UNCA Jazz Studies and Tim Haden present Student JAZZ Ensembles performing in the Hiahsmith Center Lounge Tuesday, April 25 at 7:30 pm UNCA Jazz Lab Big Band (16 piece) Spain Jazz Ensenable Directed by Greg Alewine Wednesday, April 26 at 7:30 pm Jazz Ensemble I • Jazz Ensemble II Directed by Mike Barnes Great Jazz in on informal settinq-no charge (This is an Arts 310 event) You'd have to ask eight UNCA students for a cigarette before you'd find one. Of the UNCA students surveyed in the spring of 1999, 8% of the respondents said they had chosen not to smoke. Don't really want to smoke? Contact Health Services at 6520. For more information about the survey, contact: jii ..c have studied the philosopher Jurgen Habermas. He says that communication leads to truth. Weil, maybe it does, but I don’t think he ever had teenagers. In our family, communication leads me to laughter and a lot of Clairol moments for yet more gray hair. “What would you think about co-signing for a Harley? It’s only $19,000.” Then there was the proudly delivered news that I ve got three surfboards now, Mom. My mind saw my beautiful 6- foot-3-inch baby on the largest wave ever filmed, with lots of sharks. Maybe I should go for a darker brown this time? Communication from my side of the table leads to deafness and glassy stares from other members of my family. Maybe I needed to commu nicate like the philosophers do. You know, the kind that uses the big words that I have been trying to absorb, but that I can’t even find in my dictionary. My handsome son at home heard, “Perambulate your inner existence toward your ensconsemen t because there exists a categorical imperative that you pragmatically transcend your environment into an empiri cally immaculate existence.” He still had the deafness and the glassy stare. One might quibble vention of the word “ensconsement,” but I think of these philosophers invent words of their own, too. Anyway, that didn’t work any better than when said, “Clean your room.” Oh well, education can only do si much. Perhaps I should wait couple of days for the benefits of my education to blossom. I am still struggling with the signments, but I have certainly learned some important lessons along the way. For starters, don’t read philosophers backwards, as they are hard enough to read from front to back. I think the biggest lesson remains that, while I may have been booted off the Internet of my mind, this college thing certainly has led to one great adventure. Sometimes it even feels like I have bungee corj tied to my body. €©M15 OBJ: N«W SttCl At- “ THE .\EW AuilJM Featuring and Produced by Indigo Girls and John Reynolds www.indigoglrls.com www.epicrecords.com TheUN( Carolina ceived fii inning an at Gr Nonh ( the first ii runs tfigh inning to four time UNC/ RBI’: atch the Curtis M lomerun 3ulldogs top of the ight V oad the 1 )y Monci reshman After a hewinni he centei indEricJ rhewir durin; t three >es-loa( ixth, wh The d gainst H ibya 3-1 ii This ga INCAh Senior ^ le plate. 'erall, d jlldogs en’s anc ok towa g Soutf head ayed sol ophom No. 1 nelleW incyLii hiey Jo for ound tl- th.” look ion he: trying mg to 1 W'eare nferenc 11 finis! The Bi uthCo Appearing live at Thomas Wolfe Auditorium on April 27 Album available at Sounds Familiar
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April 20, 2000, edition 1
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