THE CLARION
OCTOBER 17,1978
Ed i torials
Water Torture:
As Viewed From Jones
By Debi Crane
I have no idea what evil mind designed the
showers in Jones Dormitory, but whoever he
was, I feel that he must be commended for
having built one of the most successful in
struments of torture ever conceived by the
human mind.
To begin with the showers are short. By short I
mean there is exactly 5 feet of space between the
shower head and the floor of the shower stall. In
some people’s cases that is all right, but seeing
as how I am 5 feet, 8 inches tall that means that
there is 8 inches of me that is never going to get
wet.
I have somewhat made up for this height
problem by contorting my body into some in
credibly weird postures. I have found that if I
stand on one leg, lean my whole body forward
and stoop I can (just barely, mind you) get the
top of my head wet.
After overcoming this minor problem,
however, I still have the great problem to con
tend with. This being the fact that while one
moment the shower water might be coming out
warm and relaxing and I am just about the break
into a Chorus of “Oh What a Beautiful Morning”
the next moment I am likely to be scalded
beyond recognition by a shower of very hot water
from out of the blue so to speak.
Needless to say, this does not add to my day’s
enjoyment. I can truthfully say that by the end of
the year I fully expect to be bald on a certain
section of my scalp that is almost always in the
way of the barrage of hot H20. Of course, there is
a brighter side to the problem — I no longer get
zits on the right side of my face because of all the
hot water that hits it. The fact that I no longer
have skin on the right side of my face is only a
minor problem which I feel will eventually be
worked out.
I am told that there is a solution to this
problem, although no one has actually tried to
draw it out on paper for me. I fear, instead, that
my scalding problem will go unnoticed and years
later I will still bear the battle scars that I
received in the showers at good old Brevard
College.
THE CLARION
Brevard, N. C. 28712
Published during the college session by students of Brevard
College. The opinions expressed in this periodical are those of
the editorial board and not necessarily those of the college.
Editor-in-chief Debi Crane
Co-News/Features Editors Mike Edmiston, Tom Snyder
Sports Editor Tim McGuire
Advertising Manager Laurie Krug
Photographers Chuck Miner, Ron Grenier
Reporters Jon Young, Debra Wiggins,
Laura Baker, Jane Williams Cyndie Kern,
Debora Yates, Mark Lowdermilk, Lisa Foster,
Phyliss Owens, Holly Fortune
Advisor Kgn Chamlee
Before During
Tom Dehn reacts to mid-terms.
Teachers Are Clones
After
By Jon Young
Why is it that every morning at
8:00 a.m. the teachers and
professors at Brevard College
are so chipper and wide-awake
while we hard-working students
are still asleep when we stumble
into a Religion, Math, or
English? I find their perky
personalities very disturbing at
that hour, especially when you
have had only four hours sleep
because you were studying for a
test that you had forgotten about
till half past Johnny Carson.
I just cannot understand these
alarm clocks called teachers at
all. But I think I have a theory.
All the instructors, from A-Z, are
in reality clones in disguise. Mr.
Woodruff, for instance, sends one
clone to the rehearsal of
“Finian’s Rainbow,” while
another sleeps for long hours
(storing energy), and another
clone is wound up for an early
class the following morning.
Fire Alarm
A Big Pain
By Rene Wiggins
It occurred in Jones Dormitory
on Oct. 1 sometime between 12:30
a.m. and 1 a.m. I was in the
process of getting out of bed and
heading toward my alarm clock
ready to smash it into
smithereens for awakening me at
such an off hour. Then it dawned
on me that my clock couldn’t
possibly give off such a deafening
sound. The loud buzzing sound
was coming through the walls,
the ceiling, and even the floor.
“It’s that darn fire alarm.” I
mumbled to myself. “Some nut is
having fun.” I wonder if this nut
is aware of the damage he
caused.
It was a cold night and I won’t
be the least bit surprised if each
girl standing outside that night in
her nightie didn’t wake up with a
stuffy head the next morning. But
what really made it worse was no
one knowing how to turn the
devilish thing off! It was awful. I
would have cried if I had not been
laughing so hard. It took at least
a half an hour to turn the alarm
off
So, all of you nuts that are
obsessed with pulling fire alarms
please take into consideration the
consequences that a fake alarm
can cause. Someone might think
the next time an alarm is pulled
someone is crying wolf and we all
know what happened to the boy
that cried wolf!
The clones reportedly come
from a small warehouse in
Yugoslavia, where orders from
colleges and universities arrive
daily in the local mail. A clone is
quickly manufactured from a
lock of hair sent by each in
dividual professor. The
humanoid-copy is then rushed to
the school indicated, thereby
saving the health of the par
ticular teacher.
Maybe one day students from
all over the world will have
clones to take tests in their
places, and do their laundry
loads. Until then, we will just
have to endure those early
morning smiles — Jimmy Carter
.style.
Letters
Dear Editor:
The Student Government
Association decoration com
mittee would like to express a
well deserved thanks to Mr. and
Mrs. Quentin Crane, for the use of
their basement, as a place to
build the decorations for
homecoming.
We all appreciate your kind
ness and patience. Thanks for
putting up with the mess, the
usage of your tin snips, scissors,
framing square and most of all
that full basket of apples we
managed to put a dent in.
Sincerely,
SGA Decoration Committee
Library:
A Neccessity
By Rene Wiggins
Knowing how to properly use
the library is a necessity for
students. It is a proven fact that
many students perish
academically due to an ignorance
of the library.
Head librarian, at Brevard
College, Ms. Jane Wright, refers
to the library as the “acadeimic
center of the campus,” and Mrs.
Healey, the periodicals librarian,
stated that she is surprised at
how very few students seem to
have any knowledge concerning
library use. She believes that
high schools are not giving
students sufficient practice in
using the library.
What is even sadder is that
many students, when having
problems in finding a practical
source, fail to ask for help. One
must always remember that the
Ubrarians and student assistants
are always willing to give aid if
they are only asked.
Attention
A writing lab has been
set up for students who
need additional help in
English-related areas. At
least one reisident tutor
will be available during lab
hours, which are 10 a.m. -
12 noon and 2:30-4:30 p.m.
each weekday in MG 102.
Students needing help with
written assignments,
catch-up work in grammar
or other writing difficulties
should drop by the lab.
Attendance is voluntary,
but teachers may refer
students if necessary. If
you can’t tell a subordinate
clause from a banana,
come talk to one of the
resident tutors during lab
hours.
Rooms 115,138, and 139 in
McLarty-Goodson will be
open Monday through
Thursday nights for study
purposes. Security will lock
all doors at 11 p.m., but if
students are still working
they may remain for a
longer period. During final
exams, the hours may be
extended.
Math tutors are available
on Monday through
Thursday nights as listed if
you need help with your
math assignments. Men
should attend the sessions
in either Green or East
Beam dorms. In Beam,
sessions are held from 8-10
p.m. with Carolyn Johnson,
in her apartment. Sessions
in Green are 7-9 p.m. in
Room 104 with Mr.
Holland. Jones Dorm holds
sessions from 6-8 p.m. in
the reading room with
either D. Roberts, T.
Childers, or S. Mickey.
The Clarion staff invites
reader input into our
publication. Anyone in
terested in having
something printed is asked
to please get in touch with
Mr. Chamlee or Debi
Crane. Letters to the editor
will also be accepted. Place
letters in Post Office Box
144 or give to a member of
the staff. Names will be
withheld upon request, but
must be provided initially
The Clarion reserves the
right to edit.