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THE CLARION
Friday, December 7,1979
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Merry
Christmas
from the
Staff
Albums Beg for Buyers
The Clarion staff: From row from left to right: Greg Bare, Jana Miller, Mike McFarland, Nancy Ennis,
Alan Odum, Bobby Henson. Back row: Debi crane, Tim Merritt, Charles Huckabee, Mr. Ken Chamlee,
Yvonne Roop, Ray Duckworth and Bobby Hayes. Photo by Mary Doyle
B.C. Quarantined; Exammania!
By Jenny Holladay
700 students soon to be initiated into hysterical uproar
tis the season to be jolly? Ho Ho Ho ... Mom, guess what
BC’s giving me for Christmas? EXAMS! It’s a one-way
ticket to insanity. Word has it that there is no im
munization for that dreaded illness of exam mania and
Brevard’s about to experience an epidemic. A change of
pace. Huh? It won’t be the same old tune. “100 bottles of
beer on the wall” will have to remain there a while. The
new song will be “100 BC students up the wall, 100 BC
students, talk one down, to studies he’s bound, 99 BC
students up the wall.” What a privilege to be able to^
capture the essence of lunacy, yours free for one week
trial basis - money back guarantee on next semester’s
tuition should you flunk out.
There is another side to the exam issue, however.
Exams offer the opportunity to show what we’ve ab
sorbed to express those suppressed inner outrages in a
creative manner. One of the college’s most prized
possessions, a student whom the college is most honored
to hold hostage, believes exams give the student the
chance to cram for one final recital from memory
before forgetting it all. She writes, “The sheer
profundity of exams is an enthralling caterwaul of both
perverse and simple catacylsms forged into an almost
insoluble mass of knowledge.” (Gaye Dimmick did not
say that). Unfortunately, she could not elaborate; she
was at a loss for words. Yet, exams offer unlimited
possibilities for creative expression. In questioning, I
accidentally offended one devoted exam fan who
became defensive, “I feel that exams are a perfect way
for a student to bring out suicidal tendencies ... in
others.” Exams allow the student the chance to exhibit
hysterical behavior without much ridicule from society.
Furthermore, the process of cramming eliminates any
possibility of dull and normal activity such as sleeping
and Christmas shopping; (exams are a real bargain - a
money-saver for the Christmas season.)
Regardless of many advantages, however, some poor
studetns remain pessimistic. In an intverivew with Mr.
S. Claus I was informed of a letter he received: “Dear
Santa, I’ve been so good. Please give me an exemption
from Doc Wood’s exam, D.H.” (progbably stands for
Definitely Hopeless). A BC instructor informed me,
“I’m grading on a curve, despite the fact tht all mys
tudents qualify for exemptions on my final,” He
declined explanation as to the type of curve.
Are you sold on the idea yet? It’s Christmas again -
something personal just for you, always on your mind...
exams, by BC. What more appropriate way is there to
show you care? The only thing worse is a Christmas
dinr.cT of turtle soup for Mr. Burger.
Today B.C. Tomorrow the World!
by Greg Bare
Mark Armstrong, a sophomore
at Brevard, leads a very active
life both on and off campus.
Mark came to Brevard last
year as a freshman from Hudson,
North Carolina. Mark was born in
Brevard, but after leaving
Brevard to move to Hudson with
his family, he decided to return
after finishing high school to start
his college education. Mark chose
Brevard because of the ex
cellent reputation it has as a
junior college. And he felt he was
not ready to go straight from high
school into a lair.ge university.
Since Mark has been at
Brevard he has been active in
many campus clubs and ac
tivities. He is presently the
president of the student body, a
member of Phi Theta Kappa, a
student ambassador, a mentor,
and a representative on several
student-faculty committees. Last
year as a freshman, Mark was a
cheerleader, but left the squad at
the end of the season in order to
run for president and devote his
full energy to the student body.
When Mark was asked why he
decided to run for president of the
student body he replied, “I felt I
could do a good jjsb acting a .go-
between between the ad
ministration and the student
body. I also felt that I could fairly
represent the student body as a
whole in most matters that
concerned them.” Mark’s goal
for the student body is to have the
best all-around year that Brevard
has had in a long tirhe. Mark
says, “Not only will this benefit
the students now, but it will help
to raise Brevard’s already high
reputation as a junior college. ’ ’
After Brevard Mark hopes to
transfer to either Duke, Yale, or
Georgetown. At the present Mark
plans to major in biology, but he
.may change to English- in order
pursue a degree in law. If Mark
continues with his present major
of biology, he hopes to become
one of the nation’s leading
researchers, but if he strays
towards English he says he will
become one of the nation’s
leading corporate lawyers. Mark
says. “I may have to bust my
rear, but I’ll do it.”
Is there that one person on your
Christmas list whom you can
never satisfy? They may not,
necessarily, be the person with
everything, in fact, they could
have nothing, but you never know
what to get them. In the past
they’ve returned the nose-mitten
you got them, the fur galoshes,
the huge poster of Walter
Cronkite, the year’s subcription
to True Confession. In other
words, all the great gift ideas you
could possibly conceive of. If this
is the case, there are two possible
conclusions; a) the person in
question dislikes you greatly and
secretly wishes you all types of
bodily harm, or b) the person in
question has taste. If “a” is your
choice, why not scratch that
person off your list? And if “b” is
your choice, why not buy them a
choice album as a gift. I have
listed several choices, herein, to
make it even easier on you. They
range from losers, to prohibitive
favorites to winners.
Losers - Losers are the type of
records that end friendships,
relationships, marriages, etc.
such as Monte Rock Hi’s
Hits, Elvis From Beyond The
Grave, Mitch Miller Sings Kiss,
Dale Carneige Recites
Shakespeare, and so forth.
Prohibitive favorites - These
are records that nobody really
likes, but everyone wants them in
his record-collections because
they look nice. These include:
all classical music, all “greatest-
hits” albums, anything by Molly
Hatchet, ail the old Beatle’s
albums, and so on.
Winners - Now these are the
albums that get you a) hand
shakes, b) kisses, or c) sexual
favors. They include: either of
the Cars albums, either Dire
Strait’s albums, Fleetwood Mac’s
Tusk. Eagles The Long Run,
Neil Young’s Rust Never Sleeps
or Li ve RustAerosmith’s new
release, Styx’s new release, any
Bruce Springstein, in other
words, any good music that
appeals to the said person. Not
only will you be enlivening the
Christmas of a good friend, you
will also be reaping for yourself
the tearful thanks of the lagging ■
record industry ! ■ -