'B
®hc Clanon
4th Edition
Tuesday, November 4,1980
Page 1
On The Other Side
Of The Desk
by Ken Chamlee
A serious flaw in the character
of the Brevard College student
body is its inability to create
original excuses. Day after day I
am bored with the same, tired,
time-worn excuses I always get
from someone missing class.
Students return to old, com
fortable excuses with more
reliability than the salmon
seeking their spawning place, or
the buzzards returning to
Hinkley, Ohio. Nothing unique or
different is ever mumbled with
shame by the blackboard,
nothing fresh uttered
apologizingly at my office door.
Indeed, to hear a really new
excuse, one not so weighted in
tradition that it sinks faster than
greasy tamale, would be like
finding a rose in winter, or spying
a comet in the night sky. It is easy
to understand this shortcoming,
since even congressmen are
using such feeble lines as “I was
drink. I didn’t mean to do it.” But
if the current group of freshmen
and sophomores hope to impress
the faculty with their common
sense and ingenuity, they had
better get to work on some better
reasons for cutting class than the
flimsy ones outlined below.
1.1 forgot my schedule. If I am
to believe this every time I har it,
then senility is becoming a
hallmark of the younger
generation. One possible solution
is to have class schedules tat
tooed on the students’ forearms
at the end of registration. This
would undoubtedly decrease
forgetfulness. Since changes
could be effected only with
sulfuric acid and a wire brush,
drop/adds would be reduced
drastically as well.
2. I didn’t feel well today.
Usually this is the student I saw
jogging downtown in a driving
rainstorm yesterday, wearing
only Pumas and gym shorts. Or
he came to 8 o’clock class without
a coat, short-sleeve shirt open to
the waist, the same morning 1
spent ten minutes scraping ice off
the windshield and came to
school wearing an Ererest parka
and mukluks, and then lit a
bonfire in the faculty lounge.
3. My alarm clock didn’t go off.
Rather, my roommate’s alarm
clock didn’t go off. No student at
Brevard College actually owns an
alarm clock, but every student’s
roommate possesses an
unreliable one. These buzzing
timepieces must be the sorriest
bits of machinery made in the
world today; they are forever
malfunctioning, especially
during class hours and open
dorms. I have written the Con
sumers Union asking them to
investigate this shameful
epidemic of shoddy work
manship, Does anyone know
what those little buttons on the
back are for?
4. I was studying for another
class. This is heretical. Never
even imply to a teacher that you
have another class besides that
one. Teachers are possessive
about their subjects — it makes
them feel guilty about assigning
five classes worth of homework if
they’re told this. Excuse 4A: I
stayed up all night studying and
fell asleep before class. It’s funny
how the powers of sleep are most
forcibly exerted at 7:45 a.m. on
weekdays, I often respond with
“Why didn’t you come to class
and sleep like you usually do? ’ ’
5. My Grandfather died. A
grandchild entering college is a
grim omen for Grandma and
Gr^indpa..Nothing kills them off
faster than a second-generation
scholar who hasn’t finished his
term paper and needs a couple of
days off. Some students lose two
or three sets of grandparents per
academic year. Curious powers
of resurrection, too, are at
tributed to grandparents.
They’ve been known to
miraculously revive during
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Circle K Second Place Winners
Obviously happy about their second place in the pumpkin contest were the
Brevard College students Pete Mercier, Monte Bisher, Trent Westmoreland
and Craig Wilson. The students are members of the Circle K Club and the
money which their pumpkin won goes into the club treasury for public service
projects.
Circle K Club
A New Addition
To Brevard College
by Yvonne Roop
There is a new club on the
Brevard College campus this
year. The club is Circle K, a
service organization. The club is
sponsored by the Kiwanis In
ternational and the Kiwanis Club
in Brevard. The president of the
Kiwanis International in Brevard
is Bill Lineburger. He is
responsible for starting the club
on campus this year.
Circle K meets the first and
third Wednesday of every month
at 7 p.m. on the 2nd floor of the
Student Union. The faculty ad
visor for the club is Coach Witek,
Pete Mercier is the president and
Brian Batten is the vice-
president. The secretary of the
club is Lorrie Hoffman and the
treasurer is Carla Lybrand. The
club has a total of 33 members
and everyone is encouraged to
attend the meeting and possibly
join. Besides being a service
organization. Circle K will help
sponsor social events for the
community and the college.
Announcing a course to be offered Spring
Semester 1981. Bialogy 289: Human Anatomy and
Physiology. This four houT credit (six ours ^r
week) course should be ox speciSJ interest to
Recreation, Health and Biology relate
although it will not count toward fulfillment ot
VI requirements. If you are interested in more
details, see your advisor or the Biology faculty
before completing preregistration.
spring semester, only to meet a
second tragic demise near final
exam time.
It would be unfair of me if,
after cataloging these fragile
justifications, I did not list a few
of the cleverer attempts. Here
then are some of the shrewder
flim-flams.
1. A guy once told me a little
girl on a tricycle shot him in the
pants with a water pistol and he
just couldn’t come to class
looking that way.
2. A skinny myop.'P girl with
laryngitis fell through a drS.'nage
grate in the lawn. She was found
by a security officer three days
later, whispering hoarsely, “Has
the bell rung? Has the bell
rung?”
3. One unfortunate coed was
trapped in a laundry room during
an electrical storm and was
passed through a time warp into
the day before. She went to class
again, and later wanted credit for
being in class the day she missed,
since she attended the previous
day’s twice. It might have
worked, but she failed a pop quiz
I gave her on that material. “You
were there twice,” I asked
skeptically, “and still didn’t get
it?”
4. Another fellow babbled out
that his body had been possessed
by a 14th century monk who spent
the day in seclusion and prayer. I
excused the absence, but in
formed him his term paper was
late since he had time to finish it
while cloistered away in the
catacombs. He left in a huff,
snatching up the scroll with a
written excuse from his abbot.
Enough. If a student can’t think
of an excuse worthy of the above
category, then he’ll just have to
come to class. Excused absences
are given for death, ther
monuclear war, and invasion of
the Body Snatchers. No others
need apply.