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Page 2 The Clarion April 1, 1987
The Mellon Patch
Tell those Wright boys Vd like a word with them
by Pat Mellon
Ah, Spring break. We anticipated it with
undying passion, we lived it with untamed
thirst, and we cursed it for going so fast.
Some of us went home, others visited
friends. Some of us drove, others flew.
Some of us enjoy flying. I’m with the
My disgust for air travel has nothing to
do with a fear of flying. I like to fly. It’s
just that the airline routine is wearing thin.
So I’m going to make fun of it—that’s my
The airport scene is bedlam. With all of
those people running around, making mad
dashes for last boarding calls—death in
the airport is probable. I guess that’s why
it’s called a terminal. And no matter how
big or small the airport is, my plane
always seems to be the farthest from the
entrance. I think the industry has
blacklisted me. “Let’s see now boys ... ah,
yes, here we are ... Mellon’s flying out on
the 6th ... hmmm ... let’s put his plane
down at Gate W ... ha, ha!”
As I was boarding the plane, I noticed
several things. First was Cindy, the well-
endowed stewardess, whose job was to
greet passengers as they got on the plane.
As I gave her the once-over, I noticed that
the door to the cockpit was open, as it has
been on every flight I’ve ever taken. It’s
closed while we’re flying, but it’s open
Letter to the editor
We, the officers of SGA and members of
the student Body, are petitioning the Dean
of the College, Dr. Harry M. Langley, on
the decision to terminate the Outdoor
Education Program at Brevard College.
In signing this petition, each person
agrees that the cancelling of classes such
as rock climbing, outdoor education, and
canoeing would alter the significance of
the purpose of this college. The relation
ship of the Outdoor Education Program to
the overall academic emphasis of this col
lege is not only misunderstood by the ad
ministration but also greatly underrated
as an important program within itself.
This program may not be based on
academics, but the character and con
fidence built in each student is far more
important than anything learned in an
academic course. These are not “how-to”
courses and are not based on achievement
alone; the student’s willingness to par
ticipate and desire to achieve is the basis
of each of these courses.
The popularity of this program can
clearly be seen by the incredible turnout
and maximum enrollment in all of these
courses. We believe that by taking such a
unique recreational program for students
and a valuable recruiting tool for the
future. We feel that college is a place to
learn and grow, and the Outdoor Educa
tion Program plays a major part in achiev
ing these goals.
Greg Gambrel and Linda Shaw
when we board. Why?
Well, I’m not superstitious but I’ve
always made it a habit not to look in the
door as I board. This time I looked. I saw
two men; one sitting in a chair twisting a
Rubik’s Cube aimlessly, and another
beside him, thumbing through his “How
To Fly” manual. I wasn’t happy.
I took my seat and waited for the oc
cupants of the two beside me.
Now maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never
sat next to an interesting person on an
airplane. It’s either an old lady, an ex
change student who speaks every
language except mine, or a woman with a
crying child. If it’s a girl, (fat chance)
she’s a candidate for T.U.B.A. (The Ugly
I started looking through the Rolling
Stone I picked up at the airport, when I
heard a voice. It was Cindy. She stood,
smiling, at the front of the plane, holding
several props. She started her speech.
Now, I may not be the most hardware-
oriented guy in the world, but I know how
to fasten my seatbelt. Regardless, I was
She went on.
“The plane is equipped with nine
emergency exits ... ” There’s not a
parachute on the plane, but there’s nine
ways out. Brilliant.
“In the unlikely event of a water landing
...” STOP. A water-landing? That’s a con
tradiction of terms. Water and land are op
posites, babe. That’s not gonna work. I saw
“Airport ’77”. I know what’s goin’ on.
Planes sink in the water.
She also said “unlikely event”. Come on,
Cindy, I watch the news. I read the paper.
An eclipse during a snowstorm in July —
that’s unlikely. Planes do go down. Sorry,
I’m not buying it.
Oh, one more thing, Cindy sweets. We’re
flying from Asheville to Tampa — North
Carolina to Florida. I’ll show you a map,
you show me some water.
“Your seat cushion can be used as a
floating device ... the cabin is pressurized
... blah, blah, blah.”
Then, she showed us crash-position —
the way we’re supposed to sit if the plane is
going to crash. Now, if the plane starts to
go down, and doubtful-survival’s knockin’
on the door, I’m not gonna sit down and
grab my ankles. I’m gonna jump, Cindy.
Eventually, I fell asleep, and awoke just
prior to landing. De-planing is chaos. It
takes too long, the plane is warm at this
point, and if I had a nickle for every duffle
bag that’s hit me on the head upon removal
from the overhead storage bin ... wait—the
airplane’s got nine exits, remember? They
could just plug one of those terminal-
tunnel-tentical things into each exit, but
nooooooo—that would be too easy!
So, I stood, waiting as the lethargic
crowd spilled in the aisle. I moved swiftly
through Tampa Airport, which is just a lit
tle bigger than Asheville, and got my bag
gage. Spring break was fun, but nine short
days later, I was back on the idiot express.
I think I’d rather hang-glide home.
(Continued From Page 1)
drivers on hand when one is needed.
Scott Madaus, a sophomore, says, “I
think that the students have taken more
responsibility towards drinking and driv
ing and not littering the forest.”
BC alumni remember forest parties as
refuge for different reasons.
A mid-70’s grad remembers: “I came to
Brevard from a large city, and I kept hear
ing about these ’forest parties.’ Forest
Parties? What is this, I said, these people
are weird. Then I went to one, ana man,
from then on, I lived up
Problems from that time, this alum
says, were mostly heavy littering and car
That was in the days of dorm mothers
and key card to get into dorms. “It was
awful,” the grad said. “They were stan
ding there when you came in, ready to
smell your breath.”
Grads from different eras remember
different things about forest parties. One
alum from 1979-80’ remembers, “The
second year I was there, they started the
point system. I mean people flocked to
forest parties then. I would attribute the
popularity of the forest oarties directly to
the point system. People get paranoid; it
was like Rat Patrol in the dorms.”
There was also something called “Oink
n’ Ale,” described by one grad as a “rite of
spring...we’d have it up at Kuyendal cam
pground; we’d have bands, bring in kegs
and have a pig roast. It’d last all
weekend...you mean they don’t do that
With reminiscing like that coming from
alumni, it’s hard for some present students
to consider what life at BC would be like
without those week nights in the forest and
the soundtrack of the “Big Chill” blasting
in the background.
TO THE SUWNY
by Chris Costanza