The Clarion December 10, 1990 Page 5
Rev. Carl encourages individuality
by Tina Adams , j - . w
by Tina Adams
Clarion Reporter
The Reverend David E. Carl Jr.
captured his audience with an unusual
story to illustrate his main point at the
1990 Purgason Family Lectures on Wed
nesday, Oct. 31, in Dunham
Auditorium.
Imagine, if you will, a fishbowl,
filled with a variety of colorful fish.
The goldfish create shimmering
waves of gold. The angel fish make
flowing fans with their beautiful fins.
The mediocre-looking guppies, fol
lowing their tradition, just produce more
guppies.
Last, but not least, there are the
scavengers, whose job, said Carl, is to
"eat the crap" of the other, more
glamorous and important fish.
There was one such "crap-eater" by
the name of Herman. Every day,
Herman scoured the bottom of the bowl,
eating the crap of the other fish. Herman
didn't particularly like eating the crap of
other fish, yet he continued to do so
because that is what he had always done.
Day after day, Herman ate the crap of
the others.
Finally, one day, Herman had
enough. He decided he didn't like crap
and was tired of eating it. He rebelled;
he stopped eating crap.
Soon, alt the fish started asking
Herman why he stopped eating their
crap. They found it hard to maintain
their glamour (or reproductive activities)
in the murky water. Herman said he just
didn't feel like it anymore — he never
liked the taste anyway. They pestered
him to start eating their crap again, but
Herman stood his ground and reused.
Herman had taken enough crap.
. He moved away and someone else
took his place.
Telling this story to an audience of
Brevard College students and local
citizens, Carl stressed the importance of
taking a stand and refusing to be the
victim of another's negativity or
manipulation, as illustrated by Herman
the scavenger.
In his lecture, "Healthy and
Unhealthy Ideas in Families," Carl
stated, "Families are a big part of
stress." Yet, he continued to say, "You
cannot carry others' stress." He pointed
out that family members are so ready to
tell other family members what to do
that individuality is lost.
Carl is the director of pastoral care
and education at the Carolinas Medical
Center and Charlotte Memorial
Hospital. He earned his bachelor’s degree
by Sharon Young
Clarion Reporter
It's that time again. The hustle and
bustle of Christmas. Searching for just
the right gifts. Making out a Chrisunas
list. Staying up late at night, and final
exams. Are you prepared?
Final exams can be hard on
everyone. Exams cause a great deal of
worry, and that terrible monster stress.
"The most important thing is not
to let stress get you down, says Ms.
Miller, use self-discipline, face the
problem, and study.
Suddenly you realize that the
semester is almost over, and you need to
make a good grade in your courses. The
problem is stress is taking control. It
has you wrapped up. It is difficult to
study under a great deal of stress.
Exams can be extremely difficult
and tiring, but they don't need to be.
The most important thing to remember
says Ms. Miller is "students don't give
in to sU'ess."
from Randolph-Macon College, and his
master's from Drew Theological School.
"Families are systems," Carl
explained. "When something happens in
a family, it affects all members of the
family." He also stressed that everyone
is an individual. He said ihat sometimes
a family can keep an individual from
being the free, unique person he or she
is.
Carl related an instance in which
the mother of a middle-aged man tried to
keep him at her beck and call.
Regardless of the fact that he had just
gotten married and had his own family
responsibilities, she expected him to do
whatever she wanted whenever she
wanted it. Her method of getting her
wishes met was to dramatize an
impending heart attack for him over the
phone each time he didn't jump to her
bell.
This man, like Herman the
scavenger, had to learn to say "no" to
his mother's inappropriate demands and
break out of the trap in which she had
always been able to place him.
Carl pointed out the need for a
positive and healing form of rebellion in
such situations - he said humor and
playfulness are the ways to keep
relationships healthy.
Carl advised the man to assure his
mother that he cared about her so much
he had put the fire department on alert m
case she had a heart attack. He was then
advised to paint an exaggerated sccne for
her of what would happen in the event,
but to keep it all in the name of love.
The embarrassing thought of a driveway
full of fire engines and emergency
vehicles showing up for her fake heart
attack dissuaded the woman from ever
again attempting to manipulate her son
in this way.
Carl stated that seriousness in a
relationship is dull and healthy relation
ships contain a lot of laughter.
Carl also cited secrets as a
destructive force in relationships.
"Secrets can kill, cripple and hurt you,"
he said. Carl stated four main functions
of secrets.
"They divide a family's loyally,
create unnecessary estrangements,
distort perceptions, and keep anxiety at
higher levels of energy," Carl said
vehemently. According to Carl, secrets
only serve to "spare an individual's own
feelings."
His main message was, "God
created us to be unique — not to be
clones or mirror images."
By giving examples trom past
personal experiences and answering ques
tions from his audience, Carl showed
students that the family unit is impor
tant - but so is the individual.
Don't give in to stress during exams
Stars of the Parents’ Weekend talent show: guitarist Jeremy Wilms
accompanies double-timing saxman Patrick Young.
Beam next in phone line
B,... „r .H. p.p
cheerleaders perform a difficult
Lauterer)
by Gary Weeks
Clarion Reporter
Brevard College is continuing the
process of introducing the option of
private phone installation in dorm
rooms.
The service was first installed in
Jones earlier this year. Now, BC
planners report that Beam is scheduled
to get phones next, perhaps as soon as
January. Next in line are Taylor and
Green dorms.
According to President Billy Greer,
planners decided phones should go to
females first
President Greer .said this type of
operation is too expensive to do all at
once. "You have U) have priorities," said
Greer. Jones was picked because it is the
largest women's dorm on campus.
When asked if he thought the
addition of the phones will be worth the
money and effort pul forth to get them.
President Greer responded "We hope so,
however it is very expensive."
Work is already being done in
Beam, but the target dates for private
phone installation in Taylor and Green
are indefinite.
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