Arts & Life The Clarion September 22, 2006
State Fair, Fair Enougli
W.-
By Charlotte Shanewise
Super Staff Writer
When I first heard that there was
such a thing as fried Twinkies, I
knew it was a brilliant idea, and
waited anxiously for them to ap
pear on the market. I waited and
waited, until I lost hope and wrote
it off as a crazy rumor Little did I
know that certain merchants had
been taking some of our most sug
ary snacks such as Twinkies,
Oreos, and Snickers bars, deep fry
ing them, and making them avail
able to people like me this entire
time! All it took was a fistful of
dollars and a visit to my local state
fair.
I had been to Six Flags in Geor
gia, and chowed on a funnel cake
before, but I wasn’t prepared for
the utterly sinful abandon that
state fair-goers experience as they
make their way through the push
carts and fried-dough pavilions.
Suddenly, I wasn’t in Kansas any
more, and deep-fried Twinkies had
become reality. Something about
the whole food scene felt
very... underground.
Obviously, I had never been to a
State Fair before. As someone who
hates rides, and clings to the belief
that all carnival games are shams, I
had my share of reservations about
participating in this year’s North
Carolina Mountain State Fair
(www.mountainfairorg). I asked
my friend, who is more worldly
than I, what to expect, and he re
plied, “It’s uh, y’know, a fair
Haven’t you ever been to a fair?”
So, I concluded, this is one of
those greasy slices of rural Ameri
can indulgence that is the same no
matter what region you’re in, in
which the dominant activities in
clude observing the finest speci
mens of cattle and mutated pro
duce in four counties, and then
scarfmg down food that your body
is likely to reject as soon as you
reach your fifth rotation on the
tilt-o-whirl.
COUNT ME IN! I will now re
count my horrific, and wonder
fully fun experience in explicit de
tail:
After sitting in bumper-to-
bumper traffic on Saturday night,
my crew and I finally entered the
fairgrounds, which were located at
the West North Carolina
Agricultural Center (right
across from the Asheville
Airport). Colorful blink
ing lights littered the night
sky, loud bluegrass music
could be heard close by,
and the whole place
reeked of a pig’s sty. I was
in an ADD kid’s paradise.
Ticket prices were rea
sonable—$5 per adult,
kids got in for free—but
rides and food were what really
set me back. In the first thirty min
utes, I bought a funnel cake, some
goat food, and went on one ride,
and all together it cost about $15.
By then, I understood why some
of my more miserly friends tar
ried at home. I’m sure it would
have cost even more if I had been
around for the daytime shows,
such as “Cuzzin’ Grumpy’s
Porkchop Revue” and
“MooMania,” which apparently
featured trained pigs and cows per
forming feats. However, the Clog
ging Championship, which I also
regrettably missed, ran on both
Friday and Saturday nights. Each
night also showcased a different
musical act; the largest turn-out
was for country hunk Josh
Turner on Tuesday evening.
Rides and shows aside, the
best attractions were those ap
pealing strictly to one’s inher
ent agrarian sensibilities. The
prize-winning poultry was the
stateliest and most stunning ex
ample of fowl I had ever laid
eyes on; I don’t know chicken-
shit about what makes a farm
animal deserving of the blue rib
bon, but it was still an experi
ence akin to witnessing fine art.
State fairs are where farmers
congregate to display the jew
els of their efforts. It’s not just
fun and games to them; it’s an
event essential to the recogni
tion of their businesses.
The whole af-fair was just as
expensive and corny as I had
predicted, but I had no regrets
about attending. After all, fun
activities in Brevard are as scarce
as the hairs on the roof of my
mouth. But it’s not about the
quality of the entertainment, the
dough that you shed to ensure
your enjoyment, or even the
dough that’s been fried around a
Twinkie. Whether or not you
have fun depends on your com
pany. Mine, consisting of my
close friends, just happened to
be brilhant. The NC Mountain
State Fair was not only a fun
distraction from the demands of
school, but an event that, like
all state fairs, is as purely
American as a ballgame. In my
opinion, if you don’t go to at
least one state fair in your life
time, then you’re a commie. ■
Charlotte enjoys a decadent fair treat.