Newspapers / Brevard College Student Newspaper / Nov. 30, 2007, edition 1 / Page 8
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Page 8 The Clarion | Nov. 30, 2007 Costner — Kevin Costner Crap-o-rific movie of the week Dances With Wolves By Aaron Palmer & Joseph Chilton Costerologists Despite the fact that your grandmother may own the special edition DVD, do not be fooled- this was not a good movie. In this film, Costner portrays a U.S. Cavalry member who is captured and taken in by an Indian tribe, eventually becoming accepted by the natives. This is supposed to be a story of repentance but it’s hard to take it seriously when Chief Knockahoma, the Braves mascot from the early ‘90’s, is much more convincing as an authentic Indian than Costner People say that good movies are thought provoking. That is probably why most people consider this a decent film. It certainly raises plenty of questions in the mind of the viewer, most notably about three hours into it when you wonder how many more close ups of Kevin’s face you will be subject to. The bright spot of the film is that it contains Costner’s most convincing on-screen relationship, an adorable yet somewhat uncomfortable bond betwixt he and animal. Costner’s wolf, “Two Socks” has twice the chemistry with Costner than Jennifer Aniston inRumorHaslt. If you can’t get enough of his worn face, there is a spectacular scene in which he rides in front of the rest of the Cavalry for a good few minutes. Actually, that’s pretty much all the movie is- sweeping cinematography centered almost exclusively on Costner If you are ever flipping through the channels, and come to Dances With Wolves on AMC, and think to yourself. “I was really looking for a way to waste the next five hours of my life,” then by all means, tune in. If you are a normal, sensible human, however, we would advise you to keep going to something more intellectually stimulating, like TilaTakila. The climax of the play revolves around when Costner’s cavalry buddies return and find him as a naturalized Native American. When this happens, the Union soldiers proceed to give Costner a “Mike Tyson from the 80’s” style beating. With enlistment numbers currently at an all-time low, it seems to us as if the U. S. Army should take advice from this film. A recruitment promise of, “Serve a year and get to punch Kevin Costner” would have our Army with enough soldiers to secure Iraq by the New Year. One scene that sticks out particularly in this film is when one of the Union soldiers uses Costner’s diary as toilet paper That soldier was on to something, except that instead of using the diary, he should have used the script to the film. Pi^ ijQVi 'k.nQWf Due to recent advances in meteorology, Native Americans have abandoned their acient pracitce of the rain dance. They have traded it for the Costner F atal Accident dance. Pregnant tlottiiz Spotlight Name: Kirsten Reutebuch Position: Athletic Trainer; Human Oven Favorite Movie: Knocked Up Craving of the Day: Monday: Deep Fried Ice Cream Covered in Nacho Cheese Tuesday: Teriyaki White Squirrel Wednesday: Chuckwagon Thursday: Salad Friday: Pickled Pigs Feet and Whipped Cream in Cherry Sauce Pet Peeve: Random people rubbing my belly. Hobbies: Throwing up in the morning, mood swings, looking offended and saying "no" when people ask if I'm pregnant.
Brevard College Student Newspaper
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Nov. 30, 2007, edition 1
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