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THE LAST FRONTIER
The Clarion \ May 2, 2008
American Hero
Our final honoree of the year is the only true American Hero. This week we
are saluting the One who provides the inspiration for everything we do as
Americans. We're talking about God, but not the He/She/It God of the flaming
liberals, but the American God. This is a God who still smites without giving
turning the second cheek the briefest thought, who taxes the poor while letting
the rich drive their Hummers through the eye of the needle (with all of their
worldly possessions, of course). American God promotes loving thy neighbor,
but only if they look, talk, sound, and act exactly the same way as you do.
Blessed are the meek? Bump that, pre-emptive strikes are a sign of faith that
American God will see you through, because after all, if American God is for
us, who can be against us? For all these reasons, American God, The Clarion
salutes you, up there in your Heavenly mansion with the American flag proudly
waving on your front porch.
7776 Clarion
Editor in Chief:
News Editor:
Business Editor:
Opinion Editor:
Arts & Life Editor:
Sports Editor:
Senior Staff
Joseph Chilton IManaging Editor: RisaDimond
BJ. Wanlund
Amethyst Green
Open
Zacl Harding
John Lange
Copy Editor: Open
layout & Design: Travis Wirebacl
Photo Editor: I'larc Newton
Business IManager: EmilyClarl
Faculty Advisor: John B. Padgett
Karam Boeshaar
Dabney Farmer
Shawn James
Other Staff
Joyceann Keever
IMandi Pearson
Zachary Porch
David Ulloa
Nina Willis
Ian Wilson
Unsigned editorials represent the collective opinion of the staff of The Clarion. Other opinions expressed on this page
are those of respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the faculty, staff or administration of Brevard
College.
E] Letters Policy
The Clarion welcomes letters to the editor. We reserve the right to edit letters for length and
content. All letters intended for publication must be signed.
All correspondence should be mailed to:
The Clarion, Brevard College, One Brevard College Drive, Brevard, NC 28712
Horoscopes
By Joseph Chilton and Sam Winn
Staff Astrologizers
4ries: No matter how out of shape you
ire, no matter how pale, no matter how
tiairy, a speedo is always the best choice.
Lucky Color: White....but only after
Memorial Day.
Pauras: Hiking in the mountains will be a
wonderful summer vacation, but the stars
say you should start to practice squeal
ing like a pig now.
Lucky Color: Pickled okra green
Gemini: Go to every party the kids at
your old high school throw this summer
rhat’ll show them how cool you’ve
gotten.
Lucky Color: Red, white, and blue (Lucky
you, your colors don’t run!)
Cancer: Having trouble getting to know
people? Get bit by a shark! That scar will
be a guaranteed conversation starter.
Lucky Color: Black biker week
Leo: Beware the doodle that can’t get
undid, homeskillet. This ain’t no Etch-a-
Sketch.
Lucky Color: Freaking ripped and tan-
[loight!
Virgo: I know you can’t wait to get home
now, but maybe you have forgotten how
dysfunctional your family is. Give it a
week.
Lucky Color: Fat crevice pink
Libra: You will meet the love of your life
it Bonnaroo. Too bad you won’t
remember them.
Lucky Color: Clogged artery
Scorpio: Get a summer job with UPS, and
spend your break checking out people's
packages.
Lucky Color: The legs of that old guy
who is wearing a speedo and really
shouldn’t be.
Sagittarius: A night in jail on your
summer pilgrimage to Myrtle Beach will
be a coming of age event for you.
Lucky Color: Strawberry wine, 17, first
taste of love, o’ bittersweet
Capricorn: Summer love can be fun, but
don’t kid yourself. It won’t work once
you go back to school.
Lucky Color: Chlorine
4quarius: Wear floaties in the deep end.
You will get laughed at, but you won’t
sramp up and seeing if it catches on will
be a test of your coolness.
Lucky Color: Your skin after wearing too
low of an SPF
Pisces: Skinny dipping can be fun, but
be warned: it can be embarrassing if the
water is cold.
Lucky Color: The bottom of the lake