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THE LAST FRONTIER
The Clarion \ Sept. 5, 2008
American Hero
|pl u il j J I'
The concept of an American meritocracy is a troubling one.
Getting out of life what you put into it, reaping what you sow,
these ideas are antiquated and have no place in the 21st century.
That is why this week's American Hero is the perfect
personification of the new kind of sucessful American, the one who
is appointed to high stations in life out of happenstance and the
willingness to be a pawn for a much larger political machine. Is
being a former secessionist an image problem for her campaign?
Doesn't matter. Does being first term governor of a state with a
six-figure population prepare somebody to be next in line to a
presidential hopeful who may very well not make it through his
entire term, possibly even his own inauguration? Irrelevant. All
that matters is that Sarah Palin is the epitome of what it means to
have sucess unduly handed to you on a silver platter, and that
makes her an American Hero,
Sign of the times
This photo was taken off Highway 74 inMirphy, North Carolina.
Now, granted, there are sore regional colloquialisms far in the
mountains that have not yet reached the rest of the world. However,
this is definitely not one of than, as "Indoor Yard Sales" are
univerally referred to as "Garage sales". Or so we thoui^t. Side note:
The staff of Hie Clarion would love to see this "indoor ;^ord" if it
exists. If you have a picture of an awkwardly worded sign, please
send it to Clarion@orevard.edu.
Horoscopes
by The Clarion Astrolosquad
Aries: Looking for a quick way to
become a pro athlete? Forget training,
just start referring to yourself in the
third person at all times.
Lucky Color: Tokyo sky brown
Tauras: Don’t mess with Rosman. It’s
a worse idea than messing with Texas.
Lucky Color: Chrome dome
Gemini: You will be assigned to take
anger management classes. Doesn’t
that just piss you off?
Lucky Color: Ricky Williams green
Cancer: The mold resulting from
leaving a half eaten pizza on the floor
of your dorm for two months will end
up being the cure for cancer
Lucky Color: Old guacamole brown
Leo: Do not take a school newspaper
too seriously.
Lucky Color: The agony of defeat
Virgo: You will become a paraplegic
after being attacked by a white
squirrel.
Lucky Color: Erosion
Libra: Save money on Smart Water.
Go outside and open your mouth.
Lucky Color: The ooze from Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles II
Scorpio: Despite your small stature
you will be offered a walk-on position
with the Clemson football team and
will earn a spot with their starting
secondary.
Lucky Color: Jaundice yellow
Sagittarius: Popularity problems?
Carve a lightning bolt into your
forehead. Looking like Harry Potter
will make you new friends in no time.
Lucky Color: Whiskey blackout
Capricorn: You will get charged with
assault after an argument over
fantasy football goes just a little bit
too far.
Lucky Color: ODB’s teeth brown
Aquarius: Avoid off campus parties.
You will come home tasered, beaten
up, and shoeless.
Lucky Color: The real yellow pages!
Pisces: Although it seems like a good
idea to show your love of America by
wearing a red, white, and blue shirt
during your trip to Compton, you will
quickly find out that gang rivalries
supercede patriotism.
Lucky Color: Travis Wireback’s gutter