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THE LAST FRONTIER
The Clarion September 26, 2008
American Hero
During the past two decades there have been numerous
country and western music singers who are not even close to
being "country" or "western." The biggest paparazzi fodder at
this year's CMA awards included an Australian and a former
rapper from Michigan. And yet, there is one demographic that is
obviously absent in country music. African Americans. At least
until now. This week Hootie and the Blowfish (no Hootie jokes
from us- those are even easier than Sara Palin jokes) frontman
Darius Rucker reached No. 3 on the Country charts with his hit
"Don't Think I Don't Think About It," thus making him the first
African American to reach the top five in two decades. For this
feat The C/ar/on sa\utes you Darius Rucker: Jackie Robinson of
the jukebox and a true American Hero.
mn or the time9
Since this plioto was talten on tlie sidelines of tlie Brevard Higli Scliool football
field, we originally assumed that" Big 0 Signs" is some sort of sexual education
service offered to high school students who see the fallacies of "abstinence
only" sex education. We were wrong. It is just a terribly named sign shop. On a
side note, be on the lookout forthe franchise's newest business venture, a line of
makeup called "The 0 Face."
Horoscopes
By The C/aA/o/7Astrolosquad
Aries: It’s cool that you re trying to be
snvironmentally friendly, but perhaps you
ire mistaken as to what com ethanol is.
Pouring com liquor into your gas tank will
most likely harm your car
Lucky Color: Flaming marshmellow
Taums: Trying to think of that perfect pic
ture for your Facebook profile? You can’t
go wrong with an upside down peace sign.
Lucky Color: Towel cmst
Gemini: Vanderbilt is ranked in football and
Hootie has a top country song so it’s prob
ably a good idea to build a bunker and start
boarding bottled water and SPAM because
the apocalypse is imminent.
Lucky Color: Camo golf balls
Cancer: Coach Mike Jones will break your
wrist with his expert knowledge of police
techniques.
Lucky Color: Caf drinking glass brown
Leo: Never tmst a fart.
Lucky Color: Taco Bell volcano taco red
Virgo: You will throw away your favorite
Popeye tee shirt after someone challenges
you to a fight, you pop open a can of spin
ach, down it, and tell them to bring it on...
md then you still get your ass kicked.
Lucky Color: AC Slater’s Jheri curl
Libra: That duck is not your friend. Tie’s
only using you for food.
Lucky Color: You don’t have one, as you
will soon move to England. Your lucky
solour, however, is purple.
Scorpio: Brace yourself to have an ugly
baby. There’s nothing you can do except
teach it to beat up other children.
Lucky Color: Baboon butt blue
Sagittarius: Try bullfighting. It will get your
adrenaline pumping and you look damn
good in red.
Lucky Color: Blood stain.
Capricom: Make a difference in the world.
Fill up cans full of gas and hoard it. So
what if your “difference” is a bad thing? We
san’t all be Bono.
Lucky Color: Travis Barker (too soon?)
Aquarius: Want to travel abroad? Save
money and just eat Spanakopita. It’s like
you’re actually in Athens.
Lucky Color: Rat cheese
Pisces: A night having fun with Mad Dog
20/20, a unicycle, and a strobe light will
lead to you being charged with manslaugh
ter.
Lucky Color: The amalgam of the skin
tones of all of Angelina Jolie’s children.