November 7, 2008 | The Clarion
Opinion
Page 5
II
Honest politician" no longer an oxymoron
by Jarrod Hayworth
Contributor
If you’re like me, Tuesday night was
filled with anticipation and political
anxiety. For the past few months, we’ve
all been watching Barack Obama’s lead in
the election polls grow to overwhelming
proportions. After eight years of being led
by George W. Bush, I think it safe to say
that a radical change in the White House
was extremely necessary. As you may well
know, this represents a historic time for
the United States. And I’m not referring
to Obama’s race. With the changes he
has promised, America’s future has never
seemed brighter Time and time again.
we have witnessed leaders come from
humble beginnings, manage to triumph
over adversity and then lead our country
into a position of great prominence. These
rags-to-riches stories have helped define
our nation since the very begiiming.
As fervent democrat, I will applaud John
McCain and his efforts during this past
election. But I beheve that his poor choice
for running mate, along with his negative ads
against Obama helped solidily his demise.
John McCain frequently tried to paint his
opponent as a ‘terrorist’ and socialist, but
the American population wouldn’t hear of
it. If you are saddened by the outcome of
this election because you feel that John
McCain had more qualifications or if you
simply think ‘President Pahn’ has a nice
ring to it. I’m sorry things didn’t turn out
the way you wanted. But keep in mind
that the Repubhcans have had eight years
in office to change things around, and the
only thing that has changed is the level of
debt that our country is now in.
The Republican Party is responsible for
choosing a candidate that exemplifies the
American ideals. And I’m not afraid to
say, that they blew their chance. So cheer
up. Republicans! You’ll have another
chance in eight years, but for now, we
have chosen a leader that no longer makes
the United States look like it’s inhabited
by complete morons. Barack Obama will
be our president in a few months, and the
phrase ‘honest politician’ will no longer be
an oxymoron.
SO YOU’RE GOING TO MOVE
^ TO CANADA?
Inevitably many students are going to be upsetwith Tuesday's election results and threaten to move to Canada If you are one of these people, dorit
let the fact that those crazy Canucks already have socialized health care, strict gun control laws, decriminalized marijuana, and many of the other
things thatyou fear may become the downfall oftheAmerican Empire, go on and show how much you love your country by leaving it We here at
The Clarion even wantto help you, by giving you a step by step guide to putting the patriot in expatriot
by Joseph Chilton
International Migration Facilitator
Step One: Move to the
Province of your choosing
Want to leam French? Or maybe become a
rodeo clown or find a place where your large
girth will become an asset instead of a liability
as it keeps you warm in winter? Canada offers it
all! Just research what you want out of your new
life and pick the province that best suits your
needs, but make sure you realize that moving to
Canada does not make you a Canadian citizen.
Step Two: Fill Out a
Canadian Visa
In filling out a Canadian Visa, there are
six different routes that can be taken. One is
to be approved by Quebec for immigration
specifically. This is not the route you want to
take, because, let’s face it, if you’re leaving the
U.S. because a Democrat won, you probably
aren’t too fond of the Frogs. Another route is
to apply for “Family-Class Immigration.” Also
not applicable to most BC students, so we’ll skip
that one as well. You can also be adopted by a set
of Canadian parents and earn your Visa that way,
although that would only apply to BC students
under the age of 18. If this is your chosen route,
you might want to look into whether Angelina
Jolie is Canadian or not, as she will probably
jump at the chance to expand her personal Model
U.N. Club. The fourth route for citizenship is to
be nominated specifically by a province. If you
are good at hockey or brewing horrible beer,
look into this as provinces will probably vie for
your services, otherwise look for another route
into the Fraternity of Eh-sayers. The last two
options are the most likely two be successful.
One option is to prove that you are planning to
open a business venture in the country that will
improve the economy. The other is to simply to
pass a test proving that you speak English, have
basic common sense, and will become employed
once you become a citizen.
Step Three: ADAPT
Once you have been granted your visa, you
will have to work hard to avoid culture shock. It
is highly recommended that you watch the film
“Canadian Bacon” and also familiarize yourself
with the strategic intricacies of the line change
and power play. Once you have accomplished
all these things, enjoy yourself But remember,
in the words of Robin Williams, “Living in
Canada is like having a loft apartment over top
of a great party.”