Newspapers / Brevard College Student Newspaper / Sept. 25, 2009, edition 1 / Page 3
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Sept. 25, 2009 I The Clarion b * opinion Sir Mix-A-Lot gets his wish... finally by Dabney Farmer Staff Writer We have all heard of breast implants but have you heard of butt implants? Butt implants or buttock augmentation, as most will call them, involves artificial implants into the butt to enhance the size and shape. It sounds ridiculous but it’s true. Instead of breast implants you can have cheek implants and I’m not talking about the kind on your face. This type of surgery is up almost 90% from a year ago. Having butt implants is similar to breast implants. An incision may be made in any one of the two following places: where the cheek meets the back of the thigh, or down the buttock crease. The incision is usually made in the buttock crease, where scars are not noticeable. However, this area does carry a high infection risk-not to mention it hurts. (A real pain in the butt I have to say.) The doctor then creates a pocket large enough to insert the butt implants. The implants can be placed either under the gluteus maximums muscle, or on top of the muscle. But the question still remains why on earth any woman would want a bigger butt now? That age old tough question “do you think my butt looks too large in this dress?” takes on a whole new meaning. Some say Jen nifer Lopez is probably the biggest reason why a number of women have now been feeling insecure about their butt sizes. Many want more curves in their figures. The best candidates for buttock implants are about 18 years of age or older and in good physical health. If you’re considering having butt implants, you should show your doctor pictures of buttock sizes you like, from magazines of course, not from other people you know unless you have friends that wouldn’t mind posing for you. After performing the procedure the doctor will makes sure the butt cheeks are the same sizes. You wouldn’t want one bigger then the other You might tip over You don’t have to stay in the hospital because most butt implants are performed in a surgical suite as an outpatient procedure; so you’ll be able to return home within a few hours of the surgery. Not surprising butt implants can be painful. The pain is most intense with in the first 48 hours, so don’t sit on anything hard and you should prob ably eat soft things. When you wake up from the sur gery you will feel tired, sore for obvious reasons, and stiff. So you’ll probably want to sleep on your stomach for a while. Hey no spanking no matter how bad you are or if it arouses you. After surgery you will have a com pression garment on to provide sup port, which should not be removed for the next few days fol lowing butt implants. is the remote possibility that the implants could shift. Wouldn’t that look good? The implants are placed above the sitting area so as to keep patients from sitting on them; this will usually reduce the risk of shift ing. Yes that’s right shifting. But isn’t the whole point of a butt is to have something to sit on? Yes, there is a tme story that a woman in Knoxville, Teimessee is now suing be cause she can not bend over without pain and it looks as if she has bad pil low in her be hind! I guess it can double as a life preserver if she goes swim ming! Another complication is that the butt implants may mpture, or break. Here I thought passing gas in public was embarrassing enough, but imagine your butt breaking altogether However, this occurrence is rare. Thank God! Nonetheless it sure doesn’t sound pleas ant. Buttock implant surgeries can cause infection, (owe) unsatisfactory results (meaning your butt may not be as big as you want or maybe to big), or excessive bleeding. The costs of butt implants vary, with the average being $4,772 in most cases, and health insurance pohcies do not cover the cost of buttock implants. So that’s it, no ifs, ands or butts. Hee, hee sorry I The risk of undergoing butt implants couldn’t resist! A STORM IS COMIN6. CETTOTHE BUNKER.
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