Newspapers / Brevard College Student Newspaper / Jan. 22, 2010, edition 1 / Page 8
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Page 8 THE LAST FRONTIER The Clarion \ Jan. 22, 2010 Horoscopes As dictated to Joseph Smith in the backwoods of Utah. Aries- You will prove MC Hammer wrong when you do, in fact, touch this. Lucky color- Parachute Pants Taurus- After threatening to open up a can of whoopass on someone you will be thwarted by your lack of a can-opener. Lucky Color- Bulls-eye Gemini- A man who was once deemed America’s Sexiest Man by the respectable publication Cosmopolitan will be elected to the Senate. Oh wait... Lucky color- Flashback Cancer- Video games. Lucky color- Lard Leo- Maybe having ten different plastic surgery procedures done in one day is a bit excessive. Lucky color- Michael Jackson’s face Virgo- Trilogies can not logically have 4 parts to them... Maybe sometimes its smart to quit while you’re ahead. Lucky color- Greenback Libra- While cash may appear to rule everything around you, it is, in fact, the machines who run the Matrix. Lucky color- Black leather Scorpio- Next time someone offers you some green, ask them to be a little bit more specific. Lucky color- Mold Sagittarius- Making fun of Lindsay Lohan has become so trendy even she’s getting in on it. Lucky color- Trailer Trash Capricorn-When full-time surfer bums begin unraveling the theory of the universe, maybe that means that the universe itself is unraveling. Lucky color- Mind-bottling Aquarius- Can the United States ask Canada for a Celine Dion refund? Lucky color- No-Trade-Backsies Pisces- Is it just me or does every ‘club anthem’ sound exactly the same. Like the same beat and same themes. Come one people, what am I, taking crazy pills here??!? Lucky Color- Lightning bolts due to a headache caused by a lack of respect for the American public’s overwhelmingly terrible taste in ‘music’ American Hero Usually, the editorial staff of The Clarion use this space to poke fun at behavior or actions which are generally un-American, amuse us, or because we think it would be funny to make fun of something/someone. However, when a person or a group of people prove themselves to be very American and do something which is truly worthy of being an American Hero, we sometimes feel the need to actually recognize them in a serious fashion. As we all know, there was a horrific tragedy in Haiti, both an earthquake and an aftershock, and noone really knows how many people have died (preliminary estimates are over 200,000), how much damage has been done, and how long it will take for Haiti to recover. Still, both American aid groups and the military ventured to Haiti to help with the relief effort and try to help the Haitians get back on their feet and recover as best as possible from this tragedy This is why we at The Clarion would like to salute everyone who has in any way contributed to the relief effort, donating money or time, or really in any way at all.
Brevard College Student Newspaper
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Jan. 22, 2010, edition 1
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