Newspapers / Brevard College Student Newspaper / April 16, 2010, edition 1 / Page 8
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Page 8 THE LAST FRONTIER The Clarion \ April 16, 2010 Horoscopes Taken from beyond the graaaaave! Aries- Larry King and Rush Limbaugh will begin a race to see who can have the most marriages fail. Lucky color- Wedding Ring Taurus- Your hatred of taxes will end up with you leading a movement against paying them. Unfortunately, it will be short-lived when you realize that taxing your members is the only way to keep it financially afloat. Unlucky color- Money-maker Gemini- After Iceland becomes Lavaland, Bizarro Superman will help in creating a new world order where black is white, America is Russia, and Glenn Beck is always right. Always. Takeout can eat / Lucky color- Bizarro world maps Cancer- Andrew Breitbart Lucky color- Misinformation Leo-When Russia suspends adoptions to the U.S., conspiracy theorists can finally rest easy knowing that they no longer have to fear that a Russian midget spy dressed like a baby might come into America to spread communism. Lucky color- Baby smoking a cigar in a stroller Virgo- I’m really bored right now. Lucky color- eh Libra- Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to transport the concrete from between MS and the Caf to the unfinished weight room. Lucky color- Self destruct button Scorpio- The stars switched to a Mac operating system and you’re a PC... up your savings. Pack your own lunch instead of going out. $6 saved a day X 5 days a weel x 10 years X 6% interest = $19,592. That could be money in your poclet. Small changes today. Big bucls tomorrow. Go to feedthepig.org for free savings tips. so your fiature is no longer comaptible with them. Lucky color- DOS screen Sagittarius- Advocating a return to feudal society may seem like a good idea until social darwinism makes sure that you have absolutely no authority. Lucky color- Sacre-bleu Capricorn- Curious misconceptions will arise when your roommate buys a crotch-rocket and its not a motorcycle Lucky color- Ask Noah Aquarius- Contrary to what MC Hammer says, you can touch this. Lucky color- Gilded gates Pisces- Whatever you do, do not try to talk R. Kelly out of the closet. Lucky Color- And then I pull out my 9!! >5 3 NOT THE NEW 21 L Many cmldren begin dnnhing as early as age 12 That's two years before they've tried geometry Research indicates that children are less likely to drinh when their parents are involved in their lives and when they report feeling close to their parents So next time you complain about hi^w fast they're growing up, consider that it might be in your power to slow them down For advice on talking with your children, visit stopalcoh^labuse gov or
Brevard College Student Newspaper
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April 16, 2010, edition 1
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