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THE LAST FRONTIER
The Clarion \ April 23, 2010
Horoscopes
Taken from beyond the
graaaaave!
Aries- In an attempt to bypass the
usual means of reading the stars
for information, you will read
supermarket tabloids about the ‘stars’
and gain absolutely no insight into
your personal life
Lucky color- Bigfoot front page story
Taurus- While you may have been
told that the sky is the limit, Jimi
Hendrix will inspire you to test this
theory by touching the sky
Lucky color- Axis
Gemini- In an odd turn of events,
China will digitize its people to
increase productivity, proving that
China is run by machines and we are
all a part of the Matrix.
Lucky color- White Rabbit
Cancer- Driving your car to the
cafeteria from Beam... really guys?
Lucky color- Ozone layer hole
Leo-Your misguided attempt at a
psychedelic experience will end
up with you hallucinating due to
dehydration after you read that acid
levels in the ocean are becoming
higher and you drink as much ocean
water as you can.
Lucky color- All of them... they’re so
bright
Virgo- You will start a campaign
to get Sarah Palin to speak at our
graduation
Lucky color- Social Suicide
Libra- Mr T pities you.
Lucky color- Bling- 70’s style!
Scorpio- You will have the pleasure
of hosting an event where Michael
Jordan and Mia Hamm finally
prove which one of them is better at
everything.
Lucky color- Bulls Jersey
Sagittarius- Want to become a pro
athlete fast without all the work?
Just start referring to yourself in the
third person or change your name to
something in broken Spanish
Lucky color- ODB’s Gold toof
Capricorn- Celebrate Earthfest this
weekend by just letting your car run,
spraying aerosol cans from the 70’s
just to let nature know that you aren’t
intimidated by it.
Lucky color- Mother Nature’s
revenge (imagine Monteczuma’s
revenge times a billion)
Aquarius- Take the red pill.
Lucky color- Red...
Pisces- No matter what, a man-thong
is not an appropriate swimsuit
Lucky Color- Hammock of bananas
Takeout can eat up your savings.
Pack your own lunch instead
of going out. $6 saved a day
X 5 days a week x 10 years
X 6% interest = $19,592. That
could be money in your pocket.
Small changes today. Big bucks
tomorrow. Go to feedthepig.org
for free savings tips.
FOR TOO LONG OtIRCULTUIE HAS SIIID,|‘tF ITFErU
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I EXTEND THE BEST THAI HAS EMERSED IN AMERICAf'
* * Make a Difference. Volunieer. * *
When you volunteer lo h«]p /out r.^lg'hboTS. yw help your nation^
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