Newspapers / Brevard College Student Newspaper / Nov. 19, 2010, edition 1 / Page 8
Part of Brevard College Student Newspaper / About this page
This page has errors
The date, title, or page description is wrong
This page has harmful content
This page contains sensitive or offensive material
Page 8 THE LAST FRONTIER The Clarion \ Nov. 19,2010 Your Horoscope: Aries (March 21-April 19): The militarys "hearts and minds" campaign aims at the correct anatomical parts, but uses the wrong weapons: peace and compassion, rather than well placed rounds. Things To Ignore: The Geneva Convention and Rules Of Engagement Taurus (April 20-i^1ay20): Using MTV as your main news source is possibly worse than citing Wikipedia in an academic research paper Lucky Advice: Don’t Do It Gemini (i^lay 21-June 20): Campus Life and Security will breach your door with SWAT-like efficiency when they discover that you’re downloading torrent-file pornagraphy and eating-up bandwidth faster than the Cookie Monster at a Keebler factory. Unlucky Stun Weapon: Flash-Bang Grenade Cancer (June 21-Juiy 22): When deciding to take a lesson from nature, settling on the canine-like greeting was a very poor choice. Unfortunate Chain of Events: MMA Style Beating Followed By Viral Video Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Occupying the "Mothers with Children" spot in the Ingles parking lot will become even more suspect when others notice the "Local Food" tramp-stamp slapped on your bumper Sad But True: You’re In Denial Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22): The ability to bench-press a Mac truck might seem cool, but it serves no practical purpose in a society that has mastered the use of hydraulics. Things To Try: Calisthenics and/or Reading Delivered by your astrologically inclined Editor in Chief: John M. Climer Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23): Your attempts to understand the mentality of repeated criminal offenders by infiltrating the penal system will backfire when the repeat offenders infiltrate you "penally" Lucky Medical Disorder: Lockjaw Lucky Gear: Kevlar Chastity Belt Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21): This week the stars have an assignment for you: make a documentary entitled "Tits to Your Knees - Sex After 70." Unfortunately: The Stars Never Lie Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21): Goldbond in a Ziplock bag and international travel will give you amazing insight into the Patriot Act, extraordinary rendition and human-rights abuses. Unlucky Apparel: Orange Jumpsuit & Black Head Hood Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20): A surprising legalization of prostitution in North Carolina will motivate you to become a hooking-pro. Unfortunately, unforseen expenditures on contraceptives, eye shadow and medical tests will leave you bankrupt and sexually conflicted. Sadly: Pretty Woman & Duece Bigalow Were Only Movies Aquarius (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19): Young Jeezy said it best: "Yeah that’s how you can find me, swerving through traffic with them goons behind me." Goon Check: Out Of State Plates? Pisces (Feb. 20 - March 20): That "coexist" bumper-sticker portrays a beautiful and tolerant notion. Unfortunately, it’s hard to coexist with someone that’s willing to self-detonate. Cartman Ouote: "Hippies hate death metal." Ame/^ican He>^o We at the Clarion can't help but notice that BC students don't give a flying white squirrel about campus issues. At Wednesday's campus issues forum, to which all students were encouraged to attend, a whopping three were in the audience. To those three who did accept the invitation, shame on you for your elitist ways. So for having more enthusiasm for free pancakes during exam time than you have for bettering the campus, the Clarion salutes your Brevard College apathy. Step in. Stand out. THE Clarion Senior Staff Editor in Chief John M. Climer Managing Editor .... Daniel Heyman Copy Editor David Alexander Faculty Advisor John B. Padgett Other Staff ChantelAzevedo Ashley Fortune Park Baker Jacob Liske Karam Boeshaar Alex McCracken Sarah Bowers Chris Novak Danielle Burch Daniel Schreiman Zack Christy Krisma Sellers Kathleen Crady Patrick Veilleux John Dorner Caleb Welborn The Clarion is a student-run college newspaper produced by student journalists enrolled at Brevard College. Unsigned editorials represent the collective opinion of the staff of The Clarion. Other opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the faculty, staff or administration of Brevard College. All correspondence should be mailed to: The Clarion, Brevard College, One Brevard College Drive, Brevard, NC 28712, or send E-mail to clarion@brevard.edu Cartoon by Karam Boeshaar
Brevard College Student Newspaper
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Nov. 19, 2010, edition 1
8
Click "Submit" to request a review of this page. NCDHC staff will check .
0 / 75