Newspapers / Brevard College Student Newspaper / Dec. 3, 2010, edition 1 / Page 8
Part of Brevard College Student Newspaper / About this page
This page has errors
The date, title, or page description is wrong
This page has harmful content
This page contains sensitive or offensive material
Page 8 THE LAST FRONTIER The Clarion \ Dec. 3,2010 Your Horoscope: Aries (March 21-April 19): Getting hit by a car wliile wearing Wranglers is tlie only way you will ever leave behind Real. American. Genes. Dane Cook Question: Did Your Shoes Come Off? Taurus (April 20-i^1ay20): Complaning about the state of affairs in our country, but doing nothing to enact change doesn’t make you conservative or democratic - it makes you part of the problem. You Should: Get Off Your Soapbox Gemini (i^lay 21-June 20): Using the phrase "hulk smash" to describe your sex-life will permanently bar you from having one. Character Trait To Substitute: Hubris For Discretion Cancer (June 21-Juiy 22): An unfortunate misunderstanding will leave you permanently scarred in several ways when the "Get Strapped" convention you attend turns out to be the largest sado- masochist gathering on the east coast. Lucky Hobby: Locksmithing Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Your attempts to unload some long-held personal baggage will backfire when the sign company hired by your therapist puts a space between the "e" and "r" in his title. Lucky Drug Store Purchase: Kleenex Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22): Your attempts to expose bias in journalism will result in a "green" revolution in the newspaper industry, when every publication starts printing its news on scented, two-ply Quilted Northern. The Clarion is going greenish-brown! New Companions: Bearded Chin-Sack Gnomes Delivered by your astrologically inclined Editor in Chief: John M. Climer Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23): Taking the gallon challenge with egg-nog and attempting to drive home is a sure-fire way to get into the spirit of the season. Unlucky Travel Destination: Hell Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21): According to Twilight, vampires sparkle in direct sunlight. According to Santa, Rudolph wasn’t born that way Cosmetic Side Effect: Cocaine Nose-Job Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21): When looking for a cheap, yet effective way to spice up your sex-life, dunking your genitals in Texas Pete is a poor choice. Unfortunately: Everything Isn’t Bigger In Texas Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20): When eating the "local food" in the cafeteria, the most important thing to keep in mind is where the next local toilet can be found. Lucky Superhuman Strength: Sprinting Fully Clenched Aquarius (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19): Your promiscuous lifestyle and regional heritage will result in the nickname: Soggy Grits With Cheese. Available Side Dish: Meat Curtains Pisces (Feb. 20 - March 20): Your holidays will take a hilariously interesting turn for the worst when your Christmas tree exacts its revenge via spontaneous combustion. Stock Up On: Insurance Ame>^ican He/?o In a questionable move, the New Oxford American Dictionary recently named "refudiate," a combination of the words refute and repudiate in a Tweet by Sarah Palin, the best new word of the year. We at The Clarion have several questions for the New Oxford American Dictionary Company, first and foremost of which is: did you misunderstimate the attempts George W. Bush made to add words to the English language? So for "condmoting" (condoning/ promoting) Sarah Palin's stupidity and adding a combination of two words that are synonymous to the English language, we salute you New Oxford American Dictionary. WANTED Staff members to write, report, photo graph, draw, edit, and sell advertise ments for the student newspaper. The Clarion needs your help! As a volunteer staff member, you can • earn academic credit in COM 106 • get a cool T-shirt for a job well done • reap financial rewards for serving Brevard College Staff meetings are open to all Fridays at 11:30 a.m. in IVI-G 102 Eyy\fA WEEK o S>j Cartoon by Karam Boeshaar
Brevard College Student Newspaper
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Dec. 3, 2010, edition 1
8
Click "Submit" to request a review of this page. NCDHC staff will check .
0 / 75