The clarion : the Brevard College weekly. online resource (None) 1935-current, December 10, 2010, Image 8
Page 8 THE LAST FRONTIER The Clarion \ Dec. 10,2010 Your Horoscope: Aries (March 21-April 19): Winning one conference game per season is quite an accompiisliment. In a pee-wee league. Please Remember: All You Run Is Your Mouth Taurus (April 20-i^1ay20): Who needs administrative transparency when you can sneeze a hole through your dorm room walls? Supervisors Assessment: Both Should Be Condemned Gemini (i^lay 21-June 20): Slamming a Four-Loco, Red Bull, Five Hour Energy, vodka cocktail will give you a moment of superhuman strength followed immediately by the life functions of Terri Schiavo. Lucky Medical Inventions: AED And Respirator Cancer (June 21-Juiy 22): The Peekapoo isn’t a hybridized breed of canine, but rather the term utilized by gay men to describe their penis’ motion during intercourse. Yep: We Gagged Too Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Your lack of intelligence and a complete misunderstanding will lead to an unfortunate sexual harassment revocation of your advisors tenure after they tell you to approach next semester "from a different angle." Unfortunately: Your Stupid Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22): A combination of clogged pores and facial piercings will leave you looking like you lost an epic fight with a tackle-box. Post-Graduation Realization: Lures Are For Fishing, Not For Faces Delivered by your astrologically inclined Editor in Chief: John M. Climer Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23): Dangling ear- buds at around your neck at full blast isn’t "listening to music." It’s just the most efficient way to piss off everyone that’s noton your team. Please Realize: Doing This Is Like Having Visible AIDS Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21): When you say you "run this campus," you fail to realize that the phrase pertains only to the weight-room schedule and a high- school football stadium. Keep In Mind: It’s Called Fantasy Football For A Reason Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21): When attempting to lockdown a possible one night stand, describing your yearning for that person by using the phrase "tapping the keg" will result in a "no hit-hen" You Should: Think Before You Speak Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20): Receiving a foot-job from your significant other will result in a bacterial infection that makes John Madden tremble in his slacks. Lucky OTC Medication: Boom! Tough Actin’ Tinactin Aquarius (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19): When Eminem joins forces with the KKK, you’ll learn the true meaning of: "stand there and watch it burn." It’s Ok: You Like The Way It Hurts Pisces (Feb. 20 - March 20): Your job counting white squirrels will become exponentially more difficult as the cold weather causes them to turn brown. Unfortunately: We Take What We Can Get lTli|r( r-«iidnri >•> m.iirv li'iiBiiivh L orvfiur llfepiv ! i: ilrln# iMJporv In lA^U-ttnu iv> iiTliiVI MJwi rt.W-J|l luukJivJBl WANTED Staff members to write, report, photo graph, draw, edit, and sell advertise ments for the student newspaper. The Clarion needs your help! As a volunteer staff member, you can • earn academic credit in COM 106 • get a cool T-shirt for a job well done • reap financial rewards for serving Brevard College Staff meetings are open to all Fridays at 11:30 a.m. in IVI-G 102 Sign of tlie Times I e Donald’ Restaurant TRY tUR NEW ANUS BUJtGER While nearly all of us already knew, one McDonald’s restaurant in particular has taken it upon themselves to put truth in their ad campaigns. Honesty is a virtue, but the Clarion staff recognizes that sometimes ignorance is bliss. If this is what McDonald’s is serving, we don’t want to know what’s in an Aramark hamburger.