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Beverly Hills Cop 2 \ IVIay20,1987
Beer Pong scholarship to be awarded
Beer pong has been the downfall for many
college students, but now it is an opportunity
for academic success.
With enrollment stalling and the economy
worsening, Brevard has been looking for ways
to attract new perspective students and to
simply keep the ones that are already enrolled.
New scholarship ideas have been in the works
for the past few semesters now. The beer pong
scholarship is the first of many social-activity
based awards to be offered.
Beer pong is being claimed as an "athletic"
scholarship as the skill and level of difiiculty are
considered to be paralleled with cheerleading or
disc golf This is Brevard's first attempt at a new
type of scholarship since its karaoke scholarship
almost ten years ago. The karaoke scholarship
was a contest based scholarship with more than
fifty contestants. Brevard hopes that the number
of contestants for the beer pong scholarship will
Prof Benjamin E. Zeller broke a personal
record this week when he completed an entire
24 hour period without voicing an “Um” during
his frequent and, what we assume to be, mind-
The road to success was not paved with gold,
however, as some people witnessed close calls
midday in Pat Shores’ ofiice.
“I thought it was over around one when he
walked in stating that ‘Umbrellas are tricky little
contraptions,” said Squirts Macintosh.
Another student, Hollaback Atcha, was sure he
had heard Dr Zeller murmer an “ehrm” followed
by a louder “uh”, however the according to the
International Gutteral Utterances for Thought
event in the
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be in the hundreds.
The beer pong elimination tournament will
take place in the Underground sometime in late
April. The rules are simple, much like regular
beer pong rules, contestants must be at least 21
years old, teams of two, and each team must
have a creative team name.
Each member of the winning team will be
awarded a $1000 scholarship for each semester
the following academic year. Additional
scholarship opportunities include: $500
Scholarship for best trick shot and a $500
scholarship for each member of the team with
the most interesting vomit splatter
As if a scholarship and bragging rights
weren't enough, the winning team will have the
scholarship named after them.
The beer will be PBR, the cups will be Dixie,
and the contestants will be drunk.
Committee’s (IGUTC) handbook, this was not
an infraction of the record, and were not grounds
Be sure to congratulate Dr. Zeller as he
returns from the resting period he required
to accomplish such a brave and marginally
interesting record. Chocolate, cheese, and wine
are the customary gifts for such a feat, though
Dr Zeller has commented that bow ties are also
Underwater Basket Weaving:
Meets Tuesday at 2 p.m. in MG 139.
Table Leg Enthusiasts: Meets every
Wednesday at 7 p.m. in the Reserve
jvlaster-Debating Club: Meets
every Saturday at 7 p.m. in the AEG
Identified Anonymous: Monday at
7 p.m. in MG 113.
People Who Insist Dave
Matthew's Band is Still Relevant:
Due to lack of interest this club has
Canadian Water Bear Egg
Juggling Team: Wednesday at 6
p.m. in the Underground.
BC profs announce
same sex marriage
Associate Professor of Religion Tom Bell and
Associate Professor of Political Communications
Ralph Hamlett announced their engagement to
their surprised families this earlier week.
The announcement was confirmed on Dr
Bell’s blog on his website for excessive printing
enthusiasts, Monday. “Its been something I’ve
struggled with for nearly two years now,” Bell
said, “but I can no longer deny how I feel at the
sight of Ralph’s disheveled hair or the sound of
his sultry voice.”
Hamlett added, “A man who can commit to the
same green drinking cup for as long as Tom has
is a man I know I can give my heart to.”
While Ralph was uncharacteristically hesitant
to give his views on the matter. Dr Bell was
elated to finally get some of his feelings out in
the open. “I’ve often felt like the tight bundle
of number two pencils and expo markers I carry
to class: constrained and misunderstood,” said
Dr Hamlett’s current wife, Susan, spoke on
her feelings on the issue. “Eh. Not too surprised
to be honest. It explains the late night phone calls
that Ralph tells me are intimate communication
However, the entire BC campus has been
shocked. Senior Ovaltine Jenkins sent Bell
and Hamlett an e-mail quoting the bible and
reminding them that marriage is between a man
and a woman. Bell and Hamlett noted that they
had tried that, and were none too impressed.
Brian Burgess to student body:
"Why did they stop making Snickers?
I thought that was a pretty popular
Aulophobics Unite: Wednesdays
in MG 125 at 4 p.m. Please no
Stay in Your Room and Drink:
Monday - Sunday, followed
immediately by crying and crippling
loneliness and despair hour
Clarion Deadline: (Because that's
obviously a joke).
Hipster irony Club: But you
probably wouldn't have heard of
Clarion Reading Club: You're in!
This Week on Campus