By Adryen Proctor
Since being black is an idenritv that T had already
learned to enable, the identity of being gay came second
and proved to be a huge challenge. I felt like being gay
had to fit into the already defined identity of being
black. On numerous occasions I have been asked
whether 1 am a ‘gav black man’ or a ‘black gay man’,
rhe question that I believe they’re truly asking is: W hich
of these characteristics do I hold in higher regard?
'The majority of the black community does a great
job of shutting out ideas that seem tarfetched, such as
someone in their community being JXjBI'. I’ve come to
joerceive the role of a black man as strong, able, viral and
possibly dangerous. A black man would never exhibit
homosexual tendencies. ,\ major problem that 1 have
with the black community today is the tact that they teel
entitled to take certain scriptures from the Bible and
turn them into messages of hate and damnation tor
homosexuals. IXIB'!' African-Americans are ostracized
and swept under the rug because we are deemed as ‘not
truly black’ or ‘going through a phase’- all because our
community has a problem with our presence.
W hen 1 came to C.arolina, I had been out ot the
closet for about two years. 1 come from a rural area in
northeastern North Carolina called Roanoke Rapids.
W hen it became public knowledge that 1 was gay, the
demograj')hic of a mostly black high school provided me
with a sample of how the black community would react.
Overall, 1 was shown that the females in mv community
took to my identity much better than males, (doming
out severed presumed friendships as well as brought on
the homophobic jokes, slurs and gestures. It proved to
me how cruel people could be when they disagree with
mv sexuality.
W hen 1 reflect on my time here at L’NC', I realize that
I have not had too many joroblems ot homoj‘)hobia out
of the black communit\’ besides the occasional person
staring at me and the overused phrase of ‘no homo’.
I'hat phrase completely battles me because it one were
secure in their own sexuality, there would be no point
of that little insertion at the end of “questionably
gay” sentences. In nay eyes, that phrase is a reflection
of how insecure people are about their own sexuality.
Many black men view honaosexuality as a negative and
abtiormal concept (along with the majority ot the black
community), so they feel the need to add ‘no homo’ in
order tt) separate themselves frt)m this ostracized group.
I remember one conversation where “no homo” was
used and I asked the guy (who was black) why he telt
the need to say that. 1 told him that we all knew he was
straight. 1 le said that he didn’t want people to look at
him differently because he didn’t say “no homo” and to
this da\’, 1 still don’t understand.
The black community is not the only group at fault.
I'he gay community in dealing with black people has
been an equally difficult experience. Cl rowing up in a
society where the media rules your perception ot the
world and the only LCIBT figures you see on television
are white, it negatively impacts the already present
emotions of isolatif)n and abandonment we have to
endure from our racial community. 'I’here is such a
separation of the white gay experience and the black
gay experience that many black people don’t identify
with the usual IXIB bK) labels and consider themselves
SCiL’s or Same (lender Lo\ing people. This label
was created by and for i\frican-.\mericans who prefer
to distance themselves from terms that they see as
associated with “white-dominated” lesbian, gay, and
bisexual communities, 'bhis divide between an already
ostracized people is unnecessary and only puts up more
walls instead of bringing people together in the unison
that we need to make a chanve in the world.
Although UNCI is an extremely diverse school,
different sects within its student body have their own
code of behavior. To answer the original question, “My
answer is always that 1 am both because each identity
holds equal importance”. I do not believe that I have
to shut down a part of who 1 am in order to become a
stereotypical ‘gay man’ or a stereotypical ‘black man’. I
am black, 1 am gay, and I am a man. '‘i'ou can find me at
a probate for a black fraternity as well as at a (ILB I SA
Mixer. Identifying as both black and gay has opened so
many doors for me to a culture that 1 would be oblivious
to if I had kept who 1 am hidden away. Mix and match
the wf)rds all you want but I do not plan on changing
who I am anytime soon in order to fit societal molds or
standards that it may have for me. 1 create my own path
and do my own thing: Do you?