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THE BLACK INK
April. 1973
Ego and emotions
Male -ever proving;
female-ever choosing
by Angela Bryant
News Editor
and
Buddy Ray
Staff Writer
The Black man
continuously moving, always
grooving, and ever-proving what
he is or what he thinks he should
be. The Black man, rapping,
trapping, getting over with
whiteys, brothers, and yes. the
sisters. This “bad nigger”
syndrome has already infiltrated
our campus and has become an
important part of our Black
sub-culture.
As the Black man comes to
UNC, he is faced with a new
surrounding, new people and
new women. No more is his
ability to communicate
established, as it was previously
at home. He comes at first alone.
He looks, checks out the
campus, and subconsciously he
remembers certain people he
met who impressed him.
Dilemma of the Black Man
These mounting impressions
place the man in a dilemma. He
not only sees new faces whose
habits and ideas are much like
his own, but very often he
notices brothers who appear to
be different. Whether the
differences are in dress, in
athletic ability, or in on the
surface rapport with women, it
nevertheless intrigues the new
brother.
iztizurilns
At this point, he must make
a decision as to what image he
wants to project, and what
friends he wants to run with.
Obviously, this decision has a lot
to do with the men the new
brother admires. If he admires
the athlete, for example, he may
choose an athlete as his running
partner. Upon making his
decision, the man must set out
again to prove himself, and
establish his image according to
the standards of his male friends.
Not only proving his worth
to other brothers, he must also
show the sisters that he can get
over. This is a tricky,
paradoxical deal. He cannot
afford to flount his sexual power
too much because it could
damage his credibility with the
sisters and earn him the label as
a shaky, hit and run, fuck and
forget nigger. However, if he
fails to appeal to enough sisters
sexually, his worth is threatened.
Ultimately he fails to live up to
the “bad nigger” image and falls
in the trap of being the average
dude; not overly hip, not super
bad, but a little a sad.
Views on love
The nature of his coming
and new surroundings definitely
affects the Black man’s views on
love. He came usually as a loner
into a situation of established
brothers and immediately sets
out to integrate his individual
program into the establishment.
He must go for himself.
Individualism rather than
collectivism is stressed. He more
often than not, comes to school
without the idea of finding one
woman but checking them all
out. But if by chance he does
meet his ideal woman, he clings
to her.
While interviewing some
brothers on campus about love
their ideas were similar. “I came
her^, npt looking for one love,
but if I find a compatible mate,
that’s hip.” “There’s no such
thing as love, it’s a false
emotion.” “I came confused
about looking for gratification,
and whether it comes from one
girl or many, it does not
matter.”
In a final analysis, the new
socio-sexual consciousness of the
UNC Black sub-culture demands
certain criteria of its men for
acceptance. Some seem to feel
that this means being super
mean, super clean, super high
and super fly. But for the
mature, sensitive woman, try
being yourself, you might find
that is enough.
The Black woman
College can be a lonely
place for a Black woman
without someone who cares
especially for her. Friends are
nice, but often, she needs a
person with whom to have a
special communication. Women
and men of college are are still
adolescents, and during this
period, emotions and the ego are
very delicate and shaky. She is
not sure actually of what she
thinks of herself, what she feels,
and what it is credible to feel
and think.
The social life of the UNC
Black sub-culture is also a factor
in the development of love
relationships. Social activities are
not date-oriented but more
group or crowd-oriented. So
meeting the right person,
becomes a factor of being in the
right place at the right time,
with the right crowd and making
the right impression. Often a
woman can get so caught up in
this “trap” of “hanging” that
she never really gets a chance to
project herself—and becomes
disillusioned with the “trap” and
the individuals.
Search for security and love
With emotions and ego at a
shaky stage, a woman is looking
for security in a man. A man
that can give her a positive
self-image and direction. Often
also mixed with this search for
security is the search for or
existence of romantic love. A
woman can tend to forget that
the man of her desire is only a
human being with the same
search, and that her self-love and
self-image must come irom
herself.
Everybody seems to be
looking for the “bad nigger.”
What is your type of man? The
answer to that question can go a
long way in determining a
woman’s perspective on love. It
also is interlocked with how she
defines love. The ability to love
is not inborn in a person; it is
acquired in the course of
growing up. As a natural
consequence, the capacity will
vary from person to person
depending largely on his degree
of success with each previous
step.
The problem is not love, but
the fact that too many people
jump into a deep relationship
before acquiring the capacity for
love necessary for a personally
democratic relationship. To
learn to love is a developmental
task. The individual must have
some love relationships that do
not last forever. Each experience
will. contribute something vital
toward developing the capacity
for love that will justify
marriage.
"Relationship Consciousness"
After several experiences
with romantic and and/or sexual
love, a woman is bound to
sooner or later come face to face
with a phenomenon called
“relationship consciousness.” At
this point, a romance becomes a
‘Try a little bitchcraft...’
by Gwen P. Harvey
Feature Editor
So you almost break your
neck rushing to get on the
elevator to ride up to the eighth
floor with him. You drop your
tray of lunch on his foot in the
Pine Room. You douse yourself
with a half a bottle of
“Intimate” cologne and flit by
him in your skin tight blue jeans.
And he just doesn’t notice.
Listen Honey, perhaps its time
you threw away the Mickey
Mouse tee shirts and Wrangler
jackets and cultivated an aura of
exotica. For here is what to do
when virtue fails. Try a little
bitchcraft. Steep yourself in
Satanic ambiguities and esoteric
intrigue. Be enigmatic. Get
witchy.
No more little girl nice stuff.
And no more fake
sophistication. The heavy
breathing, the sultry sway of the
hips, baby doll whispers. If you
seek the dynamic man you have
to be outstanding too.
Extraordinary.
Attention-compelling. And a bit
de\ious.
Now you decide to
incorporate a little daring into
your pursuit of that great ally
to women: the beautiful male.
Rally up your creative and
manipulative energy. Here is the
plan.
Know the man you emulate.
Each body is composed of two
“selves.” The one projected to
the public and the one that
remains hidden until unshackled
by a few too many drinks. This
inner “self’ is what you seek in
the person you wish to bewitch.
You are to become his minority
self. His opposite. If he’s the
heavy intellectual you present
yourself as the flashy filly with a
little more heart than brains. If
he’s the meek and mild sort you
have to come on as a vivacious
lady of the world. Get the
message?
Study yourself in the mirror.
If you have good looks exploit
your beauty at every
opportunity. And if you are
really ugly capitalize on your
grotesqueness. Both types
should learn to employ all the
accoutrements of the
outrageous. A little divine
decadence never hurt anyone.
The thing is to be a little
awesome, not street-walker
flashy.
Muster your luster-power. Call
attention to the mouth and that
darting tongue. Paint your
mouth a bright red. Zing out
them tresses. An unpardonable
sin for the would-be witch is to
insist on every hair in place.
You’re to look touchable. Not
chaste. Set a glow to the
cheeks—not a timid blush but a
vibrant splash. Turn the eyes
into smoldering pots of gray and
brown.
Wear clothes with a tactile
quality. The ones that say
“squeeze me-hug me.” They
don’t have to look as though
they were poured on you either.
Clothes should move free and
easy. .And every self-respecting
witch except the bonafide fattie
should have a bright red dress
hanging in the closet.
Now on to being more
decidedly naughty. Open the
pupils of the eyes and cast a few
“come hither” looks his way. No
other organs have been so
closely linked with the sexual
motivation of the brain as the
eye.
A witch’s voice must be
consistent with her appearance.
Big Amazons shouldn’t go
around with a squeaky little
kid’s voice. And watch your
language. Every other word
should not be a “damn” or any
other such profundity as “oh
wow” or “far out.”
Sure you should be clean but
don’t scrub away the natural
odors of seduction. A man
doesn’t want to go to bed with
someone who smells like a
drugstore.
Develop a dirty mind. Try
taking short walks in public
places with nothing on but a
light topcoat. Underneath, just
little ole you. As you walk
imagine that every man you
meet is gazing right at you.
Leam to languish in the
provocative.
You have now released the
blazen siren within you. 'You
have all the physical clues for
the practice of the Devil’s game.
Now sic him.
And you Helen Gurley
Brown, eat your heart out.
lOve leiationship. Love is no
longer enough, but
understanding, compatibility,
compromise, affection, patience,
responsibility, loyalty and
forgiving become important. The
“Romeo and Juliet” is over and
the real work is here.
The development of a love
relationship is the,real test of
maturity, self-love and sexual
identity. This is where Black
women have the most trouble.
At this point the crucial factors
are how much do you want to
love, how similar are the
directions in which you and
your partner are going, and how
similar are your values.
How do you see your role as
a woman and a sexual being?
Will you be aggressive or
submissive, independent or
dependent, restrained and
non-commital or open, feminine
and demanding or liberated and
self-sufficient? These are not
easy questions to resolve - but
one wondeis, what will pet me
over? what does he like?
What does the Black man want?
This brings up the question of
just how honest is the Black man
about what he wants. There
exists a double standard among
some Black men. They seem to
desire and go out with one type
of woman, some “bad broad”
that knows how to hand, but
they want to settle down to
some “nice” homely girl. But
this is the result of generations
of insecurity, just as the Black
woman’s insecurity about her
sexual and racial identity is also
generations old.
But we can start changing this
now. By trying to leam ourselves
as women and sexual beings and
as Blacks. Pamper yourself, be
proud to be a woman and decide
your role according to your own
feelings. Make a place for
yourself — do not let anyone
carve a place for you.
I came to the crowd seeking
friends
I came to the crowd seeking love
I came to the crowd for
understanding
I found you
I came to the crowd to weep
I came to tho crowd to laugh
You dried my tears
You shared my happiness
I went from the crowd seeking
you
I went from The crowd seekinq
me
I went from the crowd forever
You came too.
(Giovanni)