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People, Arts and Entertainment
^I^Black Ink
A Thanksgiving Visitor (From Around Da Way)
Page 9
November 26
From the Journal of Sir William R.
Smythers, The Colony of Plymouth.
Date: The onescore-first day of Novem
ber, in the Year of our Lord Fourteen -
Hundred and Ninety-Three.
Dearest Journal:
Our humble colony has been in this new
country for approximately one year now.
Thanks to the grace of the Lord, we have
not starved nor been eaten by demons; we
haven’t fallen off of the Earth yet, either.
The Lord is truly with us. Yet, our Indian
friends who dress so casually had a unique
visitor today. He looks so strikingly differ
ent; his hair is kinky but long; it stands
straight up even and defies forces natural.
He wears a strange, multicolored thick
stocking-like article atop his head. His skin
is even darker than the Natives ’; it is brown
but he calls himself ‘Black.’ Well, he is
certainly not Black. He is brown like the
warm Earth near the river. On his face, he
has paint not unlike the Natives; white
circles around his eyes, and red paint about
his mouth, almost like a smile. This man
sj)eaks a form of English, mixed in with a
lot of foreign lingo—someof which I picked
upon. Hesays "bad" whenhemeans "good,"
for instance. He claims to be from the
future, form some strange land called
“America;" the year 1990, on a world called
“FOX Network." I don’t know if believe
the last part or not, but he is certainly not a
man of our time, and he is certainly not a
demon; he has a real liking of chicken.
He calls himself “Homey the Clown.”
His clothes are very loose and have spots of
different colors all over them; his feet are
enormously large and his toes bulge out
like the Elk that we hunted last week. He
Point After Touchdown
By Chris L. Brown
sleeps very loudly in my cabin, his round
red nose makes a blubbering sound as he
takes breath. I plan to find out more about
this strange being from another time, maybe
to help learn about what I will become.
Date: The onescore-second day of the
Year of our Lord Fourteen-Hundred and
Ninety-Three.
Dearest Journal:
Today was the day we gathered and
gave Thanks to our Lord for all of the
Blessings He has bestowed upon us. The
Frankfurts were thankful for their land.
The Johnsons were thankful for our safe
keeping. My family expressed our thanks
for the closeness of thecolony. Homey said
that he “wasn’t thankful for any !@# thing,
so let’s eat so I can get my time warp
contraption fixed and my butt in the mix.”
I think he meant that he was happy with
everything.
Later on in the day, I asked him to tell
me more about where he was from. “The
future,” he said, “Home of the ten-dollar
movie, the Cosby show, and your White
successors oppressing my Black brothers
and sisters.” He then withdrew a spongy
ball attached to arope, and hit me. “Homey
don’t play that,” he said. I was without
understanding to what he was talking about.
He spoke of a man called King, a man
called Malcolm, and a band called De La
Soul. He said the turkey tasted burnt. He
asked why we didn’t use the microwave.
From what I gather, this is a magic box that
is possessed in the future that persons use
to prepare their meals. Homey said he stole
his from 58th street
After the feast, we had a festival with
the Natives. Homey kept saying, “Who do
the Cowboys play today?” He described
futuristic competition where men are en
gulfed in armor, battling to move a pig
across the goal. He said they use magic
potions called steroids to make their bodies
stronger, but their children come out with
two heads. He attempted to show us the
game, but we didn’t learn much, because
he kept on running across the goal, throw
ing down the “ball” (actually, the other
Turkey from the feast), and singing a pecu
liar tune called “Can’t Touch This” while
prancing about. We concluded that it was
some sort of ritual to praise God. ■
Date: Onescore-third day of Novem
ber, of the Year of our Lord Fourteen-
Hundred and Ninety-Three.
Dearest Journal:
Homey left today. But before he did, he
told us about what this land would be like
in the year 1990. He said that, because of
us, it was to become one of the largest and
most powerful nations of this world, “but I
still can’t find a #%$ job!” He told us that
it was important that we build a shrine for
him, because that idea would turn into a
mountain-sized symbol for the nation,
called the “Statue of Homey T. Liberty.”
He predicted independence from the
mother country, something I have written
on before. He also took one of the Native
chief’s daughters with him, saying some
thing about "boot knocking," another fu
turistic ritual that he mentioned quite often.
He left me a colored book, full of amaz
ingly realistic and lifelike drawings, called
"Players." Inside, it had fold-out drawings
of clothless futuristic women. He told me,
“The way yo’ wife looks, you’re gon’ need
this.”
Finally, before leaving in his magic
mechanical contraption (he had to get back,
he said, because ‘Today is the largest
shopping day of the year.”). Homey told us
we were destined to go to a place called
Africa, where we would find more people
that looked like him. He told us to bring
them to our land, then make them rulers
and kings, because they had magic powers
and would bring wealth and prosperity. He
also left a schedule for FOX Network pro
gramming, whatever that is.
He told me that I was “one cool motha”
(I couldn’t discern the last part of that
phrase), and to keep this Day of Thanks
tradition going, because his “mother-in-
law’s dressing is as good as she is ugly.”
Farewell, Homey T. Clown. May your
ratings beat “Murder, She Wrote.”
••••••••••
Album Review: The Future
Ratings: A
They’re back! Aaron, Damion, and
Teddy also known as Guy. After the release
of one of the best debut albums I ve ever
heard, Guy is back with another slammin’
record called The Future.
Due to the new jack swing controversy
with their ex manager/producer Gene Grif
fin, it has taken Guy almost two years to
make a follow up LP, but what they lacked
in timing they more than make up for in
quality. Every song on this album kicks
with a vengence.
Once again, Guy covers every element
of success on their album. They have dance
tunes like “D-O-G Me Out,” “Wanna Get
With U,” and just to let you know he hasn’t
lost a step Teddy Riley made a Teddy s
Jam 2.” There are two upbeat songs in
particular that I pick to be instant hits upon
release: a tune called “Her” which will
have dance clubs drooling over it and “Do
Me Right,” which features a rap by Heavy
D. Then just when they got you moving,
they can break it down smooth with the love
songs: “Let’s Chill,” “Tease me Tonite”
and “Smile.” But the best ballad by far on
this album is a remake of the Gap Band’s
“Yearning for Your Love” which is argua
bly belter than the original. (Now that's
saying a lieck of a lot if you can take a tune
that acheived “hit” status and improve on
it.)
When making a record that follows a
strong debut, most artists just try to make a
recreation of their first album, but Guy
takes it to another degree. This album sur
passes the first, all my expectations were
fufilled which is why this album merits an
“A.” I strongly recommend to all music
lovers, go and get this album.-by Corey
Brown
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