Newspapers / Black Ink (Black Student … / Jan. 14, 1991, edition 1 / Page 9
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Point After Touchdown By Chris L. Brown The Homeboy*s New Year’s Resolution Network The Seniors are coming! The Seniors are coming! Had Paul Revere made his historical gallop through the streets of Chapel Hill in 1991, those would be his words. Yes, yes, thank you very much, this is the year of the Seniors, and believe me, we’ve fought many wars and busted many moves to survive this academio-social on slaught As the Atlanta Hawks said to the Washington Bullets, “One Mo to Go!” But before en- suingmy WalkDown 125thStreet and Tarheel Boulevard, I have engaged in the annual ritual of making New Year’s resolutions. Actually, I only have one: to stop kicking the screen of my televi sion set in every time I see the mangled face of Jesse Helms. That stuff gets expensive. But alas, my colorful comrades, I have chosen not to end it there, as those of us of sound mind and body usually prefer! Let’s give instead of re ceiving. Let’s be generous and sharing. Let’s offer some correc tions to those African Americans so blessed to be in the limelight. Ahem. First of all, I resolve for Milli Vaniili to retreat to their home planet of Lipsycnchus, and have special surgery done on their voice boxes that forces music to actu ally come out of their mouths when they sing. Also, I resolve for them & Entertainment Bilal to go to a store like Sears or some thing, and try a regular-looking wardrobe for once. Yes, I know that these changes won ’ t vindicate them in our collective eyesight, but it is a part of a 40 year plan to have them come back at the ages of 60 & 61 with a fresh ‘Oldies Rap’ album. You still wouldn’t buy it? Yeah, neither would I. I resolve for Don King to GET AHAIRCUT!! WEWILLDRAG HIM BY THAT FAKE MUS TACHE DOWN TO THE NEAR EST CHOPSHOP, IF WE HAVE TO!! I DON’T CARE IF THIS IS AMERICA, DON, THOSE GRAVITY - DEFYING STRANDS OF CONCRETE GRAY ARE GOING TO GO!!!! Oh, sorry, I lost my tempo- for a moment there... I resolve for LaToya Jackson to Before Break During Break Afier Break -Candidates For All Campus Offices- As of January 31 until February 4, Black Ink will be accepting statements from all candidates for campus offices wishing to be featured in the February 11 issue oiBlack Ink. For information on the format of these statements and to set up an appointment lo be photographed please contact either Erika F. Campbell or Akinwole N'Gai Wright in thcBlackInk office (S uite 108-D, CaroUna Union). accompany Milli Vaniili in their 40-year retreat, if she ever wants a prayer of making it in show busi ness. Actually, I shouldn’t dis LaToya like that; she has signifi cantly contributed to my career. I have had some real good jokes, thanks to her. Emmanuel Lewis and Gary Coleman get my resolution to get together and do a buddy cop movie called “Shrimp Has-Beens: At tack!” Soundtrack by Chubby Checker. I resolve for Arsenic to pay attention during interviews. “How did I get this column in the Black /ni? Well, that’s a goods question, Arsenio. You see, there were these two great people who were co editors, and...Arsenio? Arsenio? He seems to be asleep. Umm, le‘’s go to a commercial...” I also re solve for Arsenio to keep the most exciting opening in show business pumpin’. He is the man, you know. I resolve for Snap and the C & C Music Factory to come out with the truth, that they are the same people. I then resolve for them to merge and keep kickin’ (let Freedom do the rapping). Blair Underwood, thou resolvest to enlarge your role on LA. Law, and to do a Big Screen project with Wil “Fresh Prince” Smith as the straight guy (Wil is the funny guy). Make it as good as Heat Wave. I resolve for Guy and Basic Black to have a throw-down sing off (C’mon, folks, you tell me who the better group is—Guy is mak ingasupahdefalbum while B.B. is busy louring malls in Durham...) The winner advances in the bracket to battle New Edition, whom I resolve to get back together for an album even half as good as either of their solo projects. Speaking of N.E., I resolve for BBD to submit a written apology to all African-American women for the lyrics on some of their songs. Yeah, y’all, it’s about time to come correct. My resolution for Lisa Bonet is for her to get a divorce, a total wardrobe and hairdo makeover, and start anew. ‘Nuff said. Duke & N.C. State, I resolve for you to give up and admit that we are better than you. I mean, once we admit this to ourselves, won’t life be a lot easier for all of us? Actually, I just thought of a couple of resolutions for myself: to praise the Big Guy in the Sky, to get a job, to Serve My Fellow Students (quit laughin’), and to continue to bring you Ughthearted enjoyment via \htBlackInk. Point After Touchdown. Sponsored by Spicy’s Lip Balm (for that upper lip odor), Nintendo (If you’re not addicted now, you will be soon, and we’re going to take over America! Rha rha rha rha!), and the new movie from Paramount, Beverly Hills Cop III (starring Eddie Murphy and Introducing Chris Lemont). See ya. ANNOUNCING: The Second Annual Martin Luther King Jr. Oratorical Contest Contestants will present original orations addressing the question "As we witness a time of newly organized whlte-suprema- clst activism, what should be the focus of African American advancement In today's society: social, cultural, political, or eco nomic strides?" First Place will receive a $50 prize For more information contact Birshari Greene (967-7493), Tonya Chavis (933-5762) and Lynette Blair (933-2795) Saturday, January 26,8:00 p.m. in the Cabaret (Student Union) Sponsored by Delta Sigma Theta ffl n 3 D c CD People, Arts & Entertainment
Black Ink (Black Student Movement, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill)
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Jan. 14, 1991, edition 1
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