Point After Touchdown
By Chris L. Brown
iThe Man Who Would(n't)
Be King (God Willing)
Greetings, Hello, and a fond
Yowhasup! to all of my fellow
students out in this vast Blue
campus. My name is MM. Smooth
K, and I am collaboratin’
(youknowhatl’msayin’7) wit my
I boy Chris B. to present myself to
you as a candidate for King of
I U.N.C.
Now I am under the realization
I that there currently exists no of
fice of this nature, but I’m here to
completely house those other sis-
sysoftsuckas and establish an all-
encompassing office that would
include the responsibilities of
Student Body President, BSM
President, CAA President, RHA
President, Senior Class President,
and President of the Hip-Hop
Jamhowyalike Committee all
rolled up into one. Simply put, if
you will, the King, or Queen, if
any a’ you freaks (Excuse him, he
means Women —Chris) out there
care to challenge my eternal rap-
ness. I have a multi-tiered plat
form, but let us not talk of crying
right now; rather, what I’mo do
when—I mean, if—I get into of
fice:
Get PAID!
Naa, y’all. I’m just trippin’ here
wit my boy. Actually, I would like
to establish quite a few things:
•You remember that book we
& Entertainment
Bilal
got when we came here called The
Freshman RecorcH Well, I pro
pose a weekly update of such lit
erature, using paper inserts ini
tially, so that if any fine specimen
decides to transfer here from
Howard or somethin’ like that I—
ahem, we—can capitalize on such
promising additions. Call it Ahh
Yeah! and have ‘em distributed
through the campus mail or what
ever that thing is called. I mean, a
man in my position knows what’s
up and all that, it’s just that every
once in a while, my mind takes a
chill pill.
•Adjust the class schedule to
allow class only after 12:00 noon
and before 12:15 pm every day.
This is the maximum period for
daily learning, according to a sci
entist 1 was checkin’ out in the
F.nquirer. so students should only
be responsible for this time of the
day. Also, eliminate exams, be
cause they are a big headache and
get in the way of weekends,
youknowhatl ’ msay in ’ ?
•Instead of Springfest, call it
Rapfest, and invite some of my
comrades in rhythm like Cool Mee
Do, MC Jackhammer, and Get
Down Promotions (GDP). But
don’t invite that bitin’ mug LL
Cool J. Intentionally tryin’ to style
off my name and what not—I’ll
knock da waves outa his head.
Then, rope off Chapel Hill that
day so no one can get in, because
certain migrators from certain
boondocksville neighborhoods
(Excuse him—he means Carrboro
and Durham —Chris) get a little
crazy when they get in large groups.
What about the white people, you
say? Good G! You’re right. 1 do,
uh, want to be, uh, intercultural
and all that... how’s about havin
a sun tan lotion booth off to the
side? Yeah, that’ll work! A sun tan
lotion off to the side.
For basketball games, let cer
tain students (to be appointed by
the King) sit in the crowd with
special jerseys on, and if they feel
the need, go jump in the game in
place of somebody who’s layin
Black Ink Meeting Tonight
Room 226 Carolina Union 6:30
All Faculty and Students Invited
brick all over the court. Also, let
the King be in charge of person
ally selecting and screening the
cheerleaders . . . umm, someone
has to be in charge of making sure
they are always as talented as this
year. Responsibility, that’s my
game. Yeah.
•Grade students by a fashion
system. The more fashionable, the
letter the grade. Extra credit for
karats in gold and high-tops. Of
course, I would have a perfect 1.0,
or whatever the grade system ranks
as highest, because nobody can
touch my brown and purple polka-
dot Kangol, bright red Airs and
gold two-fisted name ring. But
maybe one of you half-steppin’—
I mean, quality—students can
come close.
Alas, but these are only a few of
my ideas. If you write me in on all
categories of your ballots, a new
era will begin in Chapel Hill—the
era of Def Hip Hop, Parties Non
stop, and Smooth K on top. (None
of the aforementioned opinions or
false claims are the opinions of
Chris Brown, Black Ink staff, or,
frankly, anyone else we know. But
they are about as feasible as some
of the candidates here on campus,
youknowhatl’msayin’?)
mfi
rttSPlHOr
9
nj
iBi
X
UNDERSTAND
THE MAN
A one day conference
commemorating the life
of Malcolm X.
Saturday, February 16, 1991
1();0() a.m. - 4:00 p.m.
Carolina Union, UNC-Chapcl Hill
Workshop Topics Include:
* Black Workers for Justice
* f\^tyth vs Fact
* The Religious Implications
of Islam
* A Student Forum ^
Spccial Keynote Speaker:
f'wmwoBvSs Malcolm X's Youngest Daughter
People, Arts Entertainment