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liMturos
HMMM ... Yes, he looks good, but can he act?
Wonderboyl
I wonder what ya’ll were up to
last year during spring break?
I know some of ya’ll were get-
tin’ scarred up. Some of ya’ll were
gettin’ down with O.P.P. before the
nature was even naughty.
Me— I was chillin’. Consider
ing that 1 didn’t have any money,
going to the beach was out for me—
not to mention the fact that I can’t
swim anyway!
I couldn’t even get up with no
girlies. It was not like I didn’t ask
them. I just kept getting dissed. For
some reason, they just won’t down
for them two-fw-a-dollar hot dogs
from Fast Fare. I guess this was all
for the better. Even if they did want
to go, I didn’t have no car to pick
them up in anyway.
So basically I was chillin’. Just
maxin’ and relaxin’ in the big city
of Raleigh. I decided, and realized,
‘Just because this is spring break, it
doesn’t mean I have to stop my
academic pursuit”
So, I went to go see New Jack
City. You know— the movie fea
turing that DARK-SKINNED
brother named Wesley Snipes
whom all ya’ll women had nothing
to do with until he got large...but
we’ll discuss that later.
Anyway, I was sitting in the
theater—coolin’—just sitting there,
waiting for the movie to start Let
me emphasize the fact that I was
just sitting there. Sitting there with
the white-mouth ‘cause I had no
popcorn to curb my appetite. You
know, that junk cost three bones
(and that was for a small)! Icouldn’t
even get water. Would you believe
they were going to charge me for
the cup? The man at the snack bar
knew I hadn’t bought anything so I
had to literally steal some napkins
in case my mouth began to drool
from smelling everyone else’s
popcorn.
Well, the lights in the theater
began to dim and you can guess
what happened. Yep, you guessed
it. The niggas started acting
black....yelling, screaming, throw
ing popcorn. I can’t talk though. If
I had some popcorn, 1 would have
thrown some too (Yes, your very
own Wonderboy is a true nigga
too.)
The movie began. All was quiet.
I saw drug dealers, fancy cars, and
everything else associated with the
inner city. Then Wesley Snipes
made his first appearance as the
infamous Nino Brown. He had on
some gear that made him look like
a hoodlum and the girls in the audi
ence let it be known, crying out,
“Wooo child, that man is too
through— and blaaaaack!”
I thought to myself, Mr. Snipes
is living a little on the dark side, but
let’s see what happens.
The movie progressed and as it
did, I saw Nino go from a small time
pistol-carrying drug pusher, to a big
time, nine-millimeter-give me my
money or I’m gon kill you, king
pin. I mean the brother was livin’
large. He had fat rings, fat gold
chains, fat cars, and a PHAT honey
named Shaniqua (Fellas, this girl
had it going on!!!!!).
As Nino Brown climbed to the
tc^, a gradual shift in the audience
could be felt. This shift was espe
cially present in the attitudes of the
young ladies in the audience. No
longer was Nino this ugly, black
spook. Oh no! As I recall, it was
more like, “Girlfriend, Nino Brown
looks what— GOOD!” These girls
were trifling hard. They even got
wrapped up in the story like they do
with them soap operas. In fact, I
heard this one girl say, “I don’t
know why Nino is with that ugly
Shaniqua. The skinny b—h is ugly
and she ain’t nothin’ but a ho!”
I turned around, looked at this
girl, and thought to myself, “Num
ber one, she must be blind if she
thinks that fine Shaniqua is ugly.
Number two, she weighs every bit
of three hundred pounds, so she
can’t begin to suggest who Nino
Brown needs to be with. If she wants
to get so caught up in Nino’s life,
she would want to smoke up some
of his crack so she can get skinny!”
I focused back on the movie. By
the time I igot back into it, I saw this
light-skinned brother with a mus
tache on the screen. The man didn’t
speak one line when I heard that fat
girl yelling, “Oh Lord! That’s Chris
topher Williams. He looksgoopod
and can act too!”
I said to myself, “How can you
say that? The man ain’t even said
nothing.”
I spoke too soon.
He said his opening line (refer
ring to the cop, Ice-T), “Hey, I know
him. He’s five-0.”
The fat girl went wild. “Girl I
told you he can act,” she said to her
homely- girl.
For those of you who saw the
movie. I’m sure you would agre
that Christopher Williams had bci
ter not lose his singing voice. He i‘.
a terrible actor. The man couldn’'
even fake pain when Nino stuck
thatsword through his hand. Iguesf
that is why none of his videos hav(.
story lines.
My point here directly relates tt;
the one I made in my first column
Just because something look;,
good, doesn ’ t mean that it is. ChiS s
topher Williams may be a dynarnitii
singer (with the assistance of to
day’s computer technology). By
women’s standards, he ma> be
nice looking man. However, th
does not make him a legitimali
actor. Ya’ll women treated Wes;
Snipes like a baseball and just thiev
him because of his on-stage looku
instead of appreciating the fact that
he is arfactor— and a good one at
that
To the ladies, I would ) e to
leave this final bit of advice. The
next time you decide to kick :i
brother to the curb make sur'
YOU ain’t that fat girl in the movi;
theater. Peace ya’ll.
Wonderbo
Wonderboy’s alter-ego is milo-
manneredJohn McCann, a soph -
more from Raleigh
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Hair Tips
1. Wash Hair Weekly.
2. CovMDiTioN With
Mayc»jnaise Monthly.
3. Cover With Towel in
THE Shower.
4. Trim Ends Monthly.
5. Brush Each Nicht.
6. See Shuru Often.
Shijru McAdoo
Hairstylist
IIOStarlite IDrive
Carrboro, NC
942-1247
Task force members march to the Sonja H. Stone BCC (see story page 5.)