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Whatever Happened to a Good Relationship?
I used to wonder why men
walked around holding iheir
crotches.
Now I know...because there
are S>2-]xxind women, with razor-
sharp knives, running around.
In case y’all forgot, this crazy
•!$ bi...excuse me...this
Ecuadoran-born manicurist,
named Lorena Bobbitt, cut ofT
her husband’s penis up in
Manassas, Va.
Now, for those of y’ail who
forgot about such a nudicious
act, I can’t blame ya’. There
seems to be a lot of that going
around lately. In fact, Lorena
said she forgot when she cut off
her husband’s penis....
WELL. I BET JOHN
BOBBITT DIDN’T FORGET!
You know, it’s one thing to
take matters into your own hands.
But it’s a whole ‘nother thing to
take matters into your own
hands...and then cut those
matters off. as Lorena did.
Yet, she was acquitted. The
jurors felt she was mentally
unstable at the time and,
consequently, not responsible for
her actions.
Her punishment' a chaiKe to
make anywhere from $50,000 to
more than $150,000 from a
television movie deal.
Oh sure, she must undergo a
45-day psychiatric evaluation.
But we’re talking about a woman
who faced 20 years in prison,
plus possible deportation to
Ecuador.
Now, her media
representative, Alan Hauge, says
Lorena will take a two-week
vacation in Venezuela after she
fmishes the evaluation.
Vacation???!!!!
What does she need a vacation
for?
Well, I guess doing what she
did was hard w(vk. If she had
used a Schick razor, perhaps her
job would have been easier.
Schick has that patented lift and
cut system that makes cutting
easier, ya’ know.
But what happens to John
Bobbitt? What is he left with?
The word on the streets now is
that Lorena will seek a divorce.
Surely, she will take all Mr.
Bobbin has. He won’t even have
apa to piss in. Heck, can the
man even pee, anyway? About
all he’ll be left with is a dangling,
ding-a-ling... and that’s probably
hanging on by a thread (no pun
intended).
What troubles me is the fact
that this wonuui took the law into
her own hands, literally, and got
away with it Perhaps this case
shouki’ve been tried in “People’s
Court.” Judge Wapner ain’t no
joke!
Lorena claims Mr. Bobbitt
physically, menially and sexually
abused her. Supposedly fed up,
she pricked his pecker and tossed
it out the window. It was later
found on a grassy knoll.
(I see why Lorena is a
professional manicurist. But if
she wants a second career, tell her
there ’ s an opening at Harris Teeter
in the meat department)
Whether Mr. Bobbitt forced
his wife to have sex ornot isn’t of
concern now. The law of the land
cleared him of assault charges
last year.
The issue is that Lorena
Bobbitt maimed an individual and
did not get punished for it
I don’t call a psychiatric
evaluation punishment
I think all women need to get
their heads checked every now
and then. I’ve said women were
crazy from the jump, and y’all
got upset Lorena supplies ample
proof.
Oh. I’mgoingoverboardnow.
huh?
Well peep this;
Last July, a Waynesville
woman doused her husband’s
groin with fingernail polish,
flicked a Bic and set his penis on
fire while he was asleep.
Now I’ve heard of hot, roasted
nuts, but this is ridiculous!
Nonetheless, this woman only
got probation, community service
and some fmes for a malicious
maiming charge that is punishable
by up to 40 years in prison. More
than that, if the woman performs
all of her tasks of punishment,
she’ll have a clean criminal
record.
But let me get a needle and
thread and sew up some skins,
and I’m off to the big house.
Fellas, as I’ve always said,
women are taking over. Look at
Shannon Faulkner, the girl who
was allowed to attend classes at
the Citadel, an all-male
institution.
I tell ya’. women are triflin’
when they don’t get what they
want Look at the Nancy Kerrigan/
Tonya Harding saga. You got a
woman accused of pkHting to
have another girl beat down so
she can win a figure skating
competition.
Triflin’.
The latest accusations allege
that Harding plotted to have her
former
husband
knocked off
because she
suspected
him of stealing her truck...that
he probably bought
Yet, women wonder why men
won’t marry them.
I ain’ttryin’toget married.. .1
enjoy peeing too much!
And let’s not get into the
sexual aspect Heck, there won’t
be a need for condoms if these
crazy women keep cock-
chc^ing. I guess this is their
answer to abortion. But this is a
double-whammy because they ’re
not only tampering with nature...
they’re destroying it too, if you
know what I mean?
But despite this long, yet
truthful, spiel, we have not
addressed the real issue, which is
neither abuse nor maiming.
The problem is relationships,
or the lack thereof.
Lorena claims years of forced
sex, physical assaults and verbal
abuse forced her to snap and cut
her husband’s penis ofl'.
But how could she have been
“unaware” of what she did?
Sources close to her say she
threatened to dismember Bobbitt
if he ever cheated on her.
Obviously, this act was
premeditated.
What’s really crazy is the fact
that she continued to take the
abuse. How stupid!
Most women will argue that it’s
their nature to stick to spousal
commitments. But it doesn’t |
require you to get killed. |
Folks, we have to learn how to |
haverelationships. The work! has I
become so competitive that j
society is selfish and |
individualistic. We avoid !
personal contacts at all costs.
Instead of going up a flight of
stairs in the dormitory, we’ll just
call the person. This lack of effort
leads to a lack of relationships.
We see the problem with
relationships in the diminishing
nuclear family. Nobody eats
dinner together anymore.
Instead, we all retreat to our own
rooms, to watch our own
televisions, etc.
My pastor put it in plain
language when he said kids get
Christ, “Y’all need Jesus!”
Hey, I ain’t no preacher.. .but
look at your past relationships.
Have they worked? If not, try to
have one with Christ. If you
don’t know Him. you better ask
somebody!
In the meantime, fellas, do
like En Vogue and HOLD ON! to
your love, or whatever you call
your privates.
You know, as bad as all this
Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding
stuff is, there is a positive side to
Wonderboy Returns
hooked on drugs because they go
to their rooms and turn the stereo
up to avcHd dealing with their
parents.
The family is a group, and
unless we can deal at home, we
will never be able to deal with
groups outside the home.
The Bible tells us that we need
each other for encouragement
God emphasizes the group thing.
God-like love is the only means
of making sincere relationships,
especially spousal relationships.
To put it in the words of a fiiend
of mine who just gave his life to
It
For once, we have highly
publicized scandals that don’t
involve black people.
Perhaps we’re learning.
But then again, this type of
thing couldn’t happen in the black
community... particularly to the
black male...
Y’all know the stereotype.
Peace y’all.
WondCTboy
Wonderboy’s alter-ego is mild-
mannered John T. McCann from
Raleigh, N.C.
A PORTRAIT OF
MODERN-DAY SLAVERY
14,500
135,000
90
70
Typical UNC Housekeeper's Salary
Chancdlor Hardin's Salary (plus house, car,
and state-paid housekeeper)
Percentage of UNC Housekeepers that are
African-American
Percentage of UNC Housekeepers that are
Women
For far too long cur brothers and sisters have teen living in pwerty
This must end With student support, the Housekeeper's Association
(HKA) has made progress. BUT, the following 5 basic goals have not
been reached
- Recognition of HKA as the official rqaresentative
t)ody of UNC Housekeepers
- Chancellor Hardin's ccmmitment to meeting with
the HKA Steering Committee
- $16,000 minimum salary
- Efficient training for advancement
- An end to demeaning working conditions
EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 5:30 CAMPUS Y BASEMENT
THIS IS A TIME FOR ACTION!!!
JOIN THE STRUGGLE AGAINST MODERN-DAY SLAVERY COME
TO WE ARE ALL HOUSEKEEPERS MEETINGS