The Special Love: Black Love
By Jarvis “Brother J” Harris
Ink Columnist
February is the month to
celebrate Black contributions to
America and to celebrate love. I
thinlc that the Blaclc contributions
and love need to be tied together
and discussed because there
seems to be trouble in the realm
of Blaclc Love.
Many times, I bear brothers
talking about the “Strong” sisters.
When speaking of sisters, brothers
seem to speak about and focus on
the negative aspects or the
perceived negatives of our sisters.
Brothers speak about the
attitude that many of our women
seem to have and their demanding
nature. To these brothers, 1 say
that the attitude and
uncompromising element of our
women are the things that make
them distinct and very special.
Yes, our women seem to
display an attitude that causes
many of us to lose interest, but
brothers, we must realize that
these same women have been the
backbone of our society for years.
These women are the
descendants of the mother of all
of civilization and the queens of
great empires. They have stood
by our side during slavery.
Reconstruction, Jim Crow, the
Civil Rights Movement, and even
Reganomics. We must realize
that they deserve the altitude that
they have. They have given so
much and at times, have been
given so little, especially from
their Black men.
B lack women in America have
had to serve as the provider, the
father, the nurturer, the teachers,
the healer, and everything else
that African-American society
has called on them to do.
Most importantly. Black
women have had to do all of these
things because the B lack man was
not around or able to fulfill his
role in the partnership. Brothers,
realize that our women do love
us, but they have struggled for us
and with us for so long that they
are tired and exhausted from the
struggle. They are ready for us to
step up to the chalienge of being
Black men.
Brothers, it is our job to be
patient and understanding of their
situation. We need to try to give
them some of the things that they
ask for and deserve. A little bit of
our time and consideration will not
leave us empty or somehow less of
a man.
Acting like our women are
important to us in a large social
setting, will not rob us of our
manhood, but rather affirm the
bond that is so special between the
Black woman and the Black man.
Brothers, support your woman in
the positive things that she is trying
to do, and respect her for tying to do
what so many ihings others are not
willing to do — stand by you.
Black women, you are special
and deserving of a special place in
the heart of Black men and society
at large, but you are not totally
absolved of blame for the tensions
that exist in relations between Black
men and women. Black women,
we realize that it is hard to be a
Black woman, but you must realize
that it is just as hard to be a Black
male.
Our struggles are not mutually
exclusive, but rather our trial and
tribulations are intertwined and
linked. Society socializes the B lack
male to believe that he is to be the
provider for the family, but yet,
when he goes to get a job, the door
is continuously closed in his face.
How can he make a living for
himself, let alone a family, if cannot
get a job that pays more than a
minimum wage? Black women it is
hard.
Black women have you ever
thought about bow it makes a man
feel when confronted with the
knowledge that his family coukl be
a lot better off financially if he were
not in the home?
The Black woman is
rewarded or at least taken care
of if she is a single-parent. The
government will provide all
types of aid from free diapers
to formula. I realize and agree
that brothers should understand
that there is more to being a
father than financial
considerations, but how does a
brother reconcile those feelings
and understandings when he
sees his son or daughter going
without clothes, shoes and
food?
I dare say that any Black
man would be faced with a
difficult situation and decision.
Yes, 1 know that we are
living in the ‘90s. This decade
is supposed to be for the
woman, but Black women, you
must not become so
independent that you leave the
Black man out of your plans
and lives.
Yes, you are more self-
sufficient and self-reliant than
ever before, but you must make
the Black man feel that he is
important to you. Black women
support your Black brothers who
are trying to be positive.
If a brother is truly trying to be
positive, let him do his thing. Do
not bombard him with
unreasonable time expectations.
Don’t get me wrong, a brother
should give you some of his time,
but if a brother is busy, and not j ust
banging with the boys, then let
him take care of business
regardless of the time it takes.
According to some of you,
there are no good Black men. If
you have a good Black man,
support him and make sure he
stays on that positive trail. I
guarantee that both of you will be
better off in the long nm. One day
when you need your space to be
productive, he will have to
understand because you did it for
him.
We need to understand that no
one person is more important than
another in our interactions. We
must learn that our success is in
part tied to the success of our
mate.
Brothers and sisters, we must
learn that in wder to receive we
must give. The question is are we
willing to make the sacrifices
necessary to make sure our
African-American culture,
especially our Black Love,
survives?
Brothers and sisters, it is all
about RECIPROCITY.
Be strong and cherish that
Black Love!!!
THE FREAK IS BACK!!!
APRIL 16,1994
UNC-CHAPfeL HTT.T.