"Oh No You Didn't!"
By LaChaya Radcliff
Lately I've seen quite a few disturbing
fashion statements. Sadly, the people
sporting these fashion no-nos obviously
thought they looked good or they just did
n't care. What's worse is that many of
these people are students right here at
UNC. I thought Carolina students knew
better.
I can't sit back and watch my people
walk around looking busted, so I'm going
to correct and educate you all for the new
school year. We are all fairly smart people
or else we would not be here at this uni
versity, right? Right. So, let's present our
selves like we have the same level of fash
ion sense as we have book sense. Let's
begin.
Your hair is one of first things people
notice about you. If you are dark skinned,
please do not dye your hair platinum
blonde. Don't get me wrong. All skin
tones and shades are beautiful, but plat
inum blonde is not everyone's color. Keep
in mind Dark and Lovely has a wonderful
selection of hair color to suit every skin
tone.
Next comes the issue of platinum fronts
and fangs. Fellas, please don't spend all
that money decorating your teeth before
you fix them. You know better than any
one if your mouth needs repair. If you can
afford diamonds and such on your bicus
pids and incisors. I'm sure you can afford
braces. There is nothing more annoying
than seeing a man who can't get his prior
ities straight. I'm sure most females would
agree.
This next "no-no" is directed toward the
ladies. Please don't put on that halter
without a bra! If you're over size 34C (and
that's pushing it), you have no business
whatsoever leaving the crib without suffi
cient support. I know you want to be like
the smaller busted girls with their tube
tops and spaghetti straps, but you just
can't. It's not cute.
This brings us to the problem of clothes
that no longer fit. I know we work hard
for our money, and we shop hard to find
the trendiest clothes, but unfortunately,
many of us have picked up some weight
and we cannot wear the same things from
the previous season. Sometimes we just
have to let go.
For example, put on a pair of jeans and
wear them for an hour or so and then take
them off. If the jeans left you with
imprints around your waist, chances are
you are too big for those jeans and they
were cutting off your circulation. Just let
them go. Treat yourself to a shopping
spree at Northgate or Crabtree. This time
buy your new clothes a size or two larger,
then go back home and try the "jean test"
again. When the jeans fit comfortably and
leave no marks on your skin, you've found
the perfect fit.
I hope by reading this, you will be more
fashion conscious and realize that people
are indeed watching you. If I called you
out, I hope you'll realize that it's for your
own good. It's better for you to read
about yourself than have someone come
up to you on the yard and embarrass you.
Dear,
Lo/ 'doncfuliha
What's up Carolina Peoples? I
know we are all excited about
starting another school year
that will be off the hook, but
I'm sure we have all observed
several fashion violations that
must be immediately addressed.
Well, now you have the oppor
tunity to write in and ask ques
tions to help make sure you are
not placed on the list of Chapel
Hill Violators! La'Bonquisha is
here for you and will try her
hardest to offer good advice.
To prevent a fashion disaster, e-
mail La'Bonquisha at rjnor-
man(a)email.unc.edu and she
will try her best to assist you.
Dear La'Bonquisha:
I am not a big fan of thongs and
feel that they are truly uncom
fortable, but I hate having my
panty line visible. Do you have
any ideas of what else I can do?
Always,
Panty Lines
Honey, Sisqo made the song for a
reason. Nobody likes to see the
trace of your bloomers while you
prance through the yard thinking
you're cute. Either get used to the
thong or be dead wrong!
Dear La'Bonquisha:
I've tried everything and it is inevitable. 1 need a relaxer, but I can't get home to
get one. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Unhappily Nappy
Child, if your Doobey looks like 'who has done me", you are right it is time for a
relaxer. Everyone understands the bad hair days and a slick, pull-back ponytail
might save you for a few days. However, the boy you met with the rims, the
Chapel Hill Transit, or the TTA, will politely take you to a nearby hairdresser. If
that's not in your budget, Wal-Mart can hook you up. I'm sure somebody in your
dorm has plenty of late night kitchen relaxer experience.
Dear La'Bonquisha:
I have these shorts that I am dying to wear one
day, but I'm not sure if they're appropriate.
They are rather short. Should I still wearthem?
Love,
Dukes
Thank you so much for asking in advance.
Baby, it is not that hot outside. If you have a
cute little shape then you might be able to get
away with it. However, some of us do not and
commit this terrible crime. If you look in the
mirror and think that you might get a couple
of laughs, save the shorts for the club, where
it's dark!
October 2001
30