Monday, October 11,1999
Tlews
CDonarch (Dessenger
Conversations
In Everyday Life
By Darlene Hopkins
Director of Couseling and
Psychological Services
She said; John has been trying to
call you. When I talked to him this af
ternoon he sounded pretty bad. Why
aren 'tyou returning his calls?
He said: Man, I do feel bad about
that. I feel bad about what he is going
through. I’ve tried to call him, but I
haven t tried very hard. I know he wants
to get together like old times, but he's
such a downer these days. And I'm
spending a lot of time with Sharon, you
know?
She said: Really. Bob I thought you
had more class than that. He was there
for you when times were bad. His folks
just split up, so of course he's down and
not much fun to be around right now,
but you have been friends since middle
school! You meet a new girl and your
life long buddy gets kicked to the curb!
He said: Listen now! Sharon is not
just a new girl. She's very important to
me and I can't turn her down when she
wants to be with me. I don't want to let
John down, either. I just hate feeling
like I have to choose between an old
friend and a new love.
If Bob was your friend, what would
you say to him? Stop, and think about it
a minute. If you cared about this guy
who feels hke he has to choose between
his new love and his old friend, what
would you say that would be helpful?
Let’s see if what you would say is any
thing like what a professional counse
lor, would say.
I would say: I have often wished that
relationships didn’t have to be so hard.
Relationships involve people who care
deeply about each other, and that con
dition. should lead to joy and happiness.
Yet somehow it always seems to lead to
getting hurt and hurting others. This is
a difficult situation, and I think the only
way out is through clear and open com
munication.
What if you sat down at your com
puter and wrote your old friend a let
ter? The good thing about a letter is that
it gives you a chance to think over ex
actly what you want to say and to change
it if it comes out wrong. You could send
the letter by e-mail, or perhaps after you
have written it you will feel ready to say
what you need to in person or over the
phone.
You could tell your old friend about
how much his friendship means to you
and how much you appreciate his having
always been there for you. You could tell
him that you are worried that you have
let him down. Then you could tell him
about this wonderful girlfriend in your
life and how you want to make things
good with her. You could end by inviting
him to do something with you. You could
suggest a time that you know wouldn’t
interfere with your special time with your
girlfriend.
Then you could communicate in the
same way with your girlfriend. Believe
me, women are impressed by men who
are not afraid to admit that they appreci
ate their long, close friendships. I tliink
she is likely to be quite imderstanding
about your need to spend time with him
as long as you let her know that you plan
to put her needs first.
Love always includes some hurt. Yet
we can almost always minimize the hurt
through open, thoughtful communica
tion.
Darlene Hopkins, Director of Counseling
and Psychological Services at Methodist Col
lege, is the author of Conversations in Every
Day Life. All the situations used is this column
are fictional and bear no relationship to real
people or real events. If you would like to sug
gest a conversation as a topic for a future col
umn, please send it to MC Box 12032. If you
would like a confidential reply to a letter, you
may send it to Darlene Hopkins, Counseling
Center, via campus mail.
THE MOM/ICH M£SSeitfC£Jl
IS NOW ON THE INTERNET AT
IVWW.METHODIST.EDU/MESSEMGEit'
CHECK IT OUT/
Scholarships and Grants
Available for Leadership
By Mr. Andrew Ziegler
Assistant Professor of Political Science
The Lura S. Tally Center for Leader
ship Development begins its fifth year at
Methodist College by offering four schol
arships for leadership. Scholarships will be
awarded for Spring Semester 2000. To be
eligible, students must be sophomores or
higher, have taken or are currently taking a
leadership course, and have a cumulative
college GPA of at least 2.5. Preference will
be given to students minoring in Leader
ship Studies. November 1st is the deadline
for turning in applications, which can be
obtained from Dr. Cheek or Dr. Ziegler.
Phone 630-7070 or 630-7488 for information.
The first annual Tally Award for Lead
ership Excellence was presented to Mary
Johnston (now Kinney) at the Awards Con
vocation last April. The award recognizes
the superior leadership performance of a
student in the Leadership Program and in
cludes a $500 cash grant.
Leadership students are getting in
volved in community service this fall. They
assisted with a Leadership Workshop for
the Association of Symphony Orchestras
of North Carolina on Sept. 29. On the morn
ing of October 14th, they will meet with the
Tally Center Advisory Board, and later that
evening will assist with the Candidates'
Forum in Reeves Auditorium. The Forum
allows candidates running for the
Fayetteville City Council to express their
views before the public. The Forum is co
sponsored by the Chamber of Commerce
and the Tally Center. Students m LSS 200
and 201 are doing other community ser
vice projects, also.
The Leadership Program is named for
Senator Lura S. Tally, a distinguished
Fayetteville leader. She served 22 years in
the state legislature where she emphasized
programs to improve education and the
environment. The Tally Center offers an
mterdiscipHnary minor in Leadership Stud
ies, consisting of three leadership courses,
two electives, and an off-campus intern
ship. All Methodist College students are
invited to take leadership courses even if
they are not leadership minors.
Psychology Club News
By Stephanie L. Oldham
Staff Writer
The Psychology Club held its first
meeting of the new school year on Sep
tember 3, 1999. During this meeting, they
discussed the different events and activi
ties sponsored by the club last year. Their
fund-raiser, in which faculty and students
were “held hostage,” proved to be very
popular throughout the college community.
Also, the club displayed information about
the study of psychology to MC students at
a table in the Student Union. The Psychol
ogy Club invited Fayetteville State Univer
sity students to one of their meetings last
year. Guest speakers, including a clinical
psychologist, a neuropsychologist, and an
industrial-organizational psychologist, ad
dressed the club during some meetings.
For this year, the club was awarded
Memorial
Continued from page 1
am sure that God used Gam’s death to
speak to the hearts of others, and some
day, when the saints of God get to Heaven
someone will approach Gam and say, “God
used your death to reach me.”
Gam was a wonderful person who will
$700 by the SGA. This money, as well as
various awards for other campus organiza
tions, came from the increased sftident ac
tivity fees.
Dr. Wendy Rogers, a psychology pro
fessor at Georgia Tech, had originally
planned to discuss graduate school and
human factors psychology with the club on
September 16. Due to Hurricane Floyd,
however, this meeting had to be postponed
until a later date, which is not known at
this point.
The Psychology Club is open to any
Methodist College student who is interested
in psychology. Their next regular meeting
is tentatively scheduled for Friday, Octo
ber 8 at 11:00 AM. For more information
about this club, call Dr. Jacquelyn Morales
at 630-7589.
be missed greatly. He meant a great deal to
many people and they will always carry his
memory with them. On the Fifteenth of Sep
tember 1999 Justin Brooks Gambrell closed
his eyes on this world, only to open them
again in Heaven! Praise the Lord!