Newspapers / InterCom (Durham, N.C.) / April 30, 1975, edition 1 / Page 2
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Prominent Social Revolutionary On Rice Diet Long a mystery, the whereabouts of Ms. P. Hearst, alias Tanya, have finally been located. Rumors had been circu lating for many months that the fugitive had engaged in a massive vifeight gain cam paign in an effort to improve on her disguise. From a trim 128 pounds the lithe Ms. Hearst had ballooned to an un believable weight of 280 pounds. Though this added bulk effectively eliminated the fears of recognition, it made the prospect of a quick get away virtually impossible. Reliable sources have told the Intercom that as recently as two weeks ago the decision was made to shed some of that extra poundage. Enrolling under the alias of "Mary Smith" she was greeted by Dr. Kempner with his usual warm saluta tion of "Velcome to Duke." Ms. Hearst's cover was blown when an astute medical student picked up a bulge in the patient's right axilla during a routine physical examination. A closer examination by the student, Mr. Robert Gentry, revealed a 1948 model Thompson submachine gun. ready to fire. This important piece of information was not made public, how ever, until the attending physician noticed this on the patient's problem list. Ms. Hearst was approached by an Intercom reporter as she was carrying her urine sample to the hospital basement yesterday. Obviously surprised she re sponded with "Peace and love brother. Get your hands up before I blow your head off." Other questions were met with equally non-committal statements. Fellow ricers state that the secretive Ms. Hearst keeps to herself. Her hobbies include bomb making a;id target practice, the Methodist Nursing Home being her favorite target. She is said to prefer the Southeast Asian rice to the more "estab lishment" Uncle Ben's which she is pur ported to have spit on the floor. With Clarence Kelly, director of the FBI, expected to arrive on May 9th for a two week stay it is not expected that the feisty Tanya will be with us much longer. WHY IS THIS MAN SMILING? How Dare We Make It Scatter Burgers In response to many requests that something be done about the scatter line hamburger, or scatterburger, we of the cafeteria food service are taking this opportunity to tell just how we dare make them. Although much of the popular taste (over five hundred sold each day) results from the uniformity of mass production, the reader will be surprised how easy it is to make scatterburgers at home. Ingredients: 2 cups salt ’/a cup sugar 6 lbs. cornmeal 4 lbs. flour, sifted 10 oz. chopped meat, lean 6 cups water Ingredients are combined In the above proportions in a large container. Formed into balls the size of a ping-pong ball, the mix is then flattened into patties about one-eighth inch thick. Carefully place on a griddle covered with about a tablespoon of shortening per burger. Best results are obtained if crisco Is first used to fry several pounds of potatoes. Fry burgers, turning once, until a deep brown color. Cover with condiments of choice and serve on warm bun. Siegler Receives National Award The Duke Faculty has once again been honored on a nationwide scale. Ms. Gloria Steinem of Ms. magazine announced in New York yesterday that Dr. H. Siegler, of the Duke Department of Surgery, had been honored as this year's recipient of this year's "Equal Rights" award. The selection came as somewhat of a surprise to many people. Dr. Siegler was selected to honor his "tireless efforts at trying to goad women to newer heights." When told of the award. Dr. Everett Anderson, a fellow surgeon, stated, "I wish the frog were in my corner." Dr. Siegler was himself unavailable for comment. He was out doing his laundry. i ‘MW LADY WITH A GL/A/—Ms. Patty Hearst, a prominent national figure, has been reducing at Duke on the famed rice diet. (Photo courtesy of Jay Anderson) Surgery Head Gets New Post L Last week, at the national convention of the ASA, held in Atlantic City, David C. Sabiston, Jr. was chosen presi dent elect of the ASA for 1976. Dr. Sabiston, chairman of the department of surgery, reportedly was elected over whelmingly on the campaign slogan, "Hi, I'm Dave Sabiston, perhaps you've heard of me." The ASA, American Society of Asso ciations, originated in 1954 under the auspices of the American Hotel-Motel Owners Association to coordinate, pro mote, and in general expand the scientific conventions and meetings industry. It has recently expanded its activities to include the sponsorship of a student ASA which is endeavoring to teach medical students the arts of buffet dining, getting liquored up, and avoiding Intelligent conversation. This new appointment is the one thousandth addition to Dr. Sablston's curriculae vitae, a mere summary of which entails a twenty-three minute speech. The members of the ASA therefore held an extra three day workshop to practice their new introductions of Dr. Sabiston. Rice Baron Rumored At Duke Columnist Jack Anderson, of the Washington Post, has quoted a high level official In the State Department as reveal ing that an international rice ring is centered in North Carolina. Investigators of the Treasury Department and the Secret Service have reportedly traced a massive "rice connection" from the Mekong delta rice bowl of Southeast Asia to the United States. The rice ring is thought to be controlled by an unidenti fied Rice Baron, operating out of Durham. Anderson's source, said to be reliable, but unwilling to have his name used, gave some details of how the rice connection Is made. The major link in the connection is said to have been by military aircraft returning from Saigon to the west coast. It has been estimated that up to one third of returning G.I.'s were actually hundred pound sacks of rice. The rice is then moved by the same trucks used to smuggle un-taxed cigarettes from North Carolina. The most nefarious of the Rice Baron's deeds is his practice of addicting Ameri cans to his rice habit. Calling it the ridiculous name of rice diet, the Baron tricks already obese people into getting hooked on this highly fattening food. Knowing that the public will most readily swallow the biggest lie, the Baron claims that eating "all the rice you want" will cause a loss of weight. All these ricers, as the rice addicts are called, loose is mor>ey. Year after year they return for trrare rice. Soon they loose families, friends, and jobs, but no weight A popular but hardly successful cure of the rice habit is jogging. Ricers try this in many forms. Most prefer to just dress for it and walk around. None are cured. Keeping a low profile, the Baron may have actually infiltrated the Private Oia^- nostic Clinic at Duke. Patient's report that a man in a long white coat speaking with a heavy foreign accent, has been tempting them to eat his rice. It is hoped that this does r>ot represent the I of such corruption at Ouke.
InterCom (Durham, N.C.)
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April 30, 1975, edition 1
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