PAGE TWO I MAROON AND GOLD Wednesday, March 22, 1950 Maroon and Gold Edited and printed by students of Elon College. Published bi-weekly during the college year under the auspices of the Board of Publication. Entered as second class matter at the Post Office at Elon College, N. C., under the Act of March 8, 1879. Delivered by mail, $1.50 the coUege year, $.50 the quarter. EDITORIAL BOAKD Bob Wright Editor-In-Chief William Sinclair Managing Editor Edward Engles Feature Editor Walter Graham Staff Photographer Luther N. Byrd Faculty Advisor SPORTS STAFF Rocco SUeo Sports Editor George Stanley .... Assistant Sports Editor Joe Spivey Assistant Sports Editor George Seay Boys’ Sports Jean Pittman Girls’ Sports Joe Bryson Boys’ Sports Freddie Williamson Staff Cartoonist Alvin Pate Staff Cartoonist BUSINESS BOARD Evelyn M. Graham Business Manager Wynona Womack .... Circulation Manager B. G. Frick : Printer Jack Steele Press Man . REPORTERS Jennings Berry Jane Boone Waldo. Dickens Hal FovJter * Robert Jones Harry Keeton James Merritt Maynard Miles Baxter Twiddy Bill Williams WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 1950 START THINKING NOW In the not too distant future lies the election of next year’s student govern ment officers. The im,portance of this event cannot be given too much stress, because the coming election is perhaps more important than that which launched our new campus government. Because of this, we have deemed it advisable to give editorial space to an early discussion of the impending election. We would like to caution against that previous Elon custom of nominating the least logical candidates for the laugh which it will bring in chapel. It is not too early to start thinking about likely stu-^ dents who are capable of leadershp in this new governmental organization we now have. The concern with which we regard the nomination of candidates this Spring will be an indication of the concern we have for our student government. We would like to continue with a dis cussion of a few things we would like to see happen this Spring during nominations and elections. We would like to see a manifestation of campus citizenship that would surpass any similar activity which has taken place at Elon College. We would like to see some real, con structive political activity on the campus for a change. It would be stimulating if several parties were represented at the nominations and the poUing. There is nothing to prevent a sector of the student body from determining what they want in a candidate and then finding such a per son and supporting him in a lively cam paign. We would like to see the unorganized students organize for the purpose of nom inating a slate of officers. We would like to see this followed through with the ap pointment of a campaign manager and the launching of a political campaign with all the trimmings. We would like to see speeches made around the campus in sup port of the various candidates, giving con crete facts about what the candidates think and what they propose to do if elected. There would be no place for glittering generalities in su^ch a campaign; concrete facts would have to be presented In order to stand the strain of competi tion. the yankee peddler By BOB WRIGHT Opening sentence in a Freshman’s re search paper: “Over 4000 years ago American archeologists opened an Egypti an’s tomb. . . .” The professor’s comment was, “It is later than you think. Life’s Little Drama Under the Colonnades Scene 1 Time: At the close of the Winter quar ter. Student: Boy, if I get through this quarter I’m gonna really study next quar ter. No more sweatin’ it out for me. Scene 2 Time: The start of the Spring quarter. Same Student: What’re all you guys hangin’ around the dorm for? C’mon, let’s go to the show. * ★ * Cycle Babies are born without any hair. Old men’s heads are Just as bare. So, twixt the cradle and the gravd? There lies a haircut and a shave. —Anon. * ♦ * Overheard from a Shakespeare student: “I don’t mind all this work we’re being asigned, but I feel as though I’m doing a horse out of a job.” * * * Critique The ultimate in banal slop Is R. A. G. G. Rag Mopp. ♦ * * Headline Hopping in The Greensboro Daily News “Man Seriously Stabbed.” Do they do that sort of thing in fun, too? * * * “Candidate Convicted Of Bootlegging.” Perhaps he was too busy running for Sher iff, to remember to run from the “reve- noors.” I 4 ♦ * =|! “Randolph Election Board Faces New Beer Test.” Now that’s the kind of a test that would prove popular in some quarters around here. / “Red Spy Changes Mind Again; Will Go Home.” Wonder if he’ll be singing “Home, Sweet Home” as he leaves. * * “State To Hire 30 More Men To Check Income Tax Evasion.” Are you nervous, hmmmmm? Perhaps a good lawyer or a new tax return would help your troubled condition. ♦ * * News Flash! Cleopatra is coming to Elon College, but not as a regularly en rolled student. She will be seen with her witty but aging instructor, Julius Caesar, on the Whitley Auditorium stage April 3rd in Bernard Shaw’s comedy, “Caesar and Cleopatra.” A revival of the Shavian comedy is currently playing to capacity au diences on Broadway, and this is the only production of the play which is to be seen off the Great White Way. A short time before election day a bi, or tri-partisan rally could be held, giving the students a chance to hear REAL speeches from the candidates and a chance to question them about their politics. If all this were to take place-and it should —everyone would know WHY they were voting for the person that gets their check mark on the ballot. Perhaps this is the stuff from which dreams are made, but it would be the best thing that could happen to our civic life at Elon College. Do you have definite ideas about the people you want to repre sent you during the coming year? Why not gather around you others who think as you do. Make some plans for the nom inating session this Spring, and make the comip.j election a really vital event at Elon College. Start thinking now. browsing around with BILL SINCLAIR Here I sit at the trusty old typewriter trying to pound out another column. In spiration seems to have evaded me this time. I will have to bore you with this column for another quarter, hope you don’t mind too much. The other day I saw Ned Jones walking around as if in a istupor. When I asked him what was wrong he said, “Da da da, the frizmus originates at the frezolis and terminates in the regimus anticus.” Poor Ned, I knew that Biology lab would get him sooner or later. The tale has been told. With report cards having been sent out there are some mighty sad faces and some mighty glad ones. The Dean’s List appears in this is sue. Item for Family Relations: If they were asked to write on the subject, “All I Know About Women,” the bachelor would bring in a single typewritten sheet; the philosopher would bring in a chapter; the college boy, a volume, and the married man a blank page. Thanks to Thomas Clemmitt. So Yoli’llKnow What To Expect By SHRDLU SELGNE unteachable mind all his life; nat urally he has learned to cover it up. He has bSconie quite adept at this, and he can talk impressive ly for hours on end, if you let him. proficient door-to-door salesman would seem to lend authority to this. But with all this, it still seems incomprehensive that he should If you will lift your eyes to the masthead of this edition of the Maroon and Gold, you will see for the first time that E. V. Engles is the new feature editor. Appar ently this doesn’t mean much to him, for already he has been caught with his pants down; he has no feature to offer. And if there are those among you who believe that in a later issue you will read a hot feature written by Engles, let me straight en you out now, lest you be sadly disillusioned. Alas, the sad truth of the matter is that Engles can’t i^^credibly stupified consciousness even write. Oh, he talks a lot, ““^^ing is too great an obstacle and sometimes is pretty impres-just sive, but if you should give him a I see what he is getting pencil and a piece of paper some-|^”*'°’ the fact that his wife time and ask him to write some-1 become so accomplished in thing other than his name, you j obstacles for him will soon see that he hasn’t the ‘^®®P® worse trouble power to tack more than three let- j imagine, ters together, let alone attempt The Urge To Write to scrawl a coherent sentence. Oh, and his attempts to get into a pair of his old pants are more pathetic than ludicrous. Disregarding the fact that he gets exercise only when he lifts his fork to his drool- without saying a thing. The fact ing mouth, he believes he is in that he was, at one time during prime physical condition. Blind his spotted career, an adroit and to the overhang of flab at his belt. he puffs and blows like a steam engine when he has to walk more than ten steps. Proper nu trition, clean living, temperanca —these are words that never have- be given the job of feature editor.' penetrated the swirling fog which; This can be easily explained, if surrounds his mind; consequently you bear in mind that to Engles he’s clever; if you don’t watch him close, he will scribble some nonense on the paper and then try to make out that you are stu pid if you can’t read it. Don’t bei One day he was riding on a bus and some fatuous blonde asked him if he wasn’t one of the col umnists of the Miami Herald. A more pathetic case of mistaken taken in by this corny old dodge i probably never been in sDite of thp fant that Vio V.OO recorded; nonetheless, Engles, In the English 26 class the other day Professor Struhs was commenting on the speeches that had been given. He re marked about a student reading from a paper. The student very frankly replied that he was scared. Such is the nature of things. Many of the students are afraid to get up before a crowd. More debaters are needed for the Elon Debaters Club. Won’t you consider joining? If you are afraid the first time, you will probably have more confidence the second time. Give it a try. The debaters will travel to High Point College on March 27 for a debate with the High Point team on the question, “Should Basic Non-Agricultural Industries Be Na tionalized?” This debate should prove to be of great interest. All students that can get to High Point are urged to attend. Get behind your debaters! Support them! Spring is in the air, and the Elon base ball team is getting ready for the coming season. This season should be one of much interest as Elon !s the defending champion of the North State Conference. The first game of the season is with Wake Forest at Elon ball park, on March 27. The members of the team need our support. They will be fighting for the honor of Elon College. Let’s support them from begin ning to end. in spite of the fact that he has be come quick skillful at performing it. On To College But, you may ask, what is this poor twitter-brain doing here in college. That is a good question. fired by this false recognition, let his Walter Mitty complex work on him as he usually does, and with in ten minutes he found himself in a Veteran’s Surplus Store, spending his entire month's pay on a rebuilt typewriter. The fact that he didn’t even know what all one that has puzzled almost every- Z one Who so. ■>.. .ow.o.n on .L ^ his way. Once here at Elon, he began to practice his subtle and peculiar brand of salesmanship, and be fore long he, at the expense of his poor wife s sanity, was accepted as a student A small boy asked his father how wars begin. “Well,” said his father, “suppose that England quarreled with France ” “But,” interrupted the mother, “Eng land mustn’t quarrel with France.” “I know,” answered father, “but I am taking a hpyothetical instance.” “You are misleading the child,” said the mother. “I am not,” he answered. “Yes, you are.” , “No, I am not.” “Yes!” “No!” All right, dad,” said the small boy. “I think I know how wars begin.” Have you heard “God Marches On” over WFNS on Sunday at 12:45? Last Sunday, Dr. W. W, Sloan spoke on the Avizonis family. Why are so many dogs allowed to run free in the Vet Apartment area? Don’t get the wrong idea. I am not against man’s best friend, but it is a nuisance to have your garbage can turned over, your garden or grass dug up, and your steps and porch covered with dogs. Oh well! Maybe it’s a dog’s world after all! gles’ vacuum head. You see, his wife went to college. Somewhere along the line En gles realized that his brain wasn’t going to be sufficient to make him a living by himself; he 1-eal- ized he would need a college ed ucation. Knowing full well he couldn’t pass the admittance tests to a school for backward children, to say nothing of an accredited college, Engles began to look for an angle. When he remembered the girl he used to know in Brooklyn who had a college back ground, his animal cunning told him that at last he had solved his problem. Quickly then, he resigned from his position of barker for a bur lesque show in a California carni val and hastened to New York. The fact that he was over two years getting there will give you some idea of his truly incredible singleness of purpose. Through two bitter winters in Miami, En gles struggled with life before he finally reached his destination. She Married Him Strangely enough, the girl still remembered him when he got to New York, and within a year or so, she finally consented to marry him. In case you wonder why a bright girl like her ever got in volved with a meathead like him, please remember that he can be very persuasive if the occasion calls for it. Having no moral in tegrity at all, he will stop at noth ing to accomplish what he sets out to do. Besides, he had seen movie or two, and he knew now to go about getting his girl. Once married, it was a simple matter to convince his wife that he needed a college education; and without coming right out and saying it, he also made it obvious that he intended to cash in on her Bachelor’s Degree. What could the poor girl do but agree Hav ing strong and highly cherished ideals concering the dissolution of a sacred marriage, she was help less before his treacherous as sault. So she coached him carefully on how to sign his name to the government checks, and he was ready. Covering Up It would seem that such gross illiteracy and ignorance would soon be discovered by his fellow students and by his professors, but such is not the case. Engles, you must remember, has labored under the handicap of a feeble. of good standing. When the opportunity presented itself, and with the sweet words of the fatuous blonde still ring-j mysterious inanities are mg m his flap ears, he inveigled [ easier to understand, , however. this torso is vaguely reminiscent of a balloon full of water, and the muscles of his spindly arms and legs possess the consistency of half-cooked tapioca. Is Scarce > He shaves on the average of once every nine days, saying that he never can find time. If the truth is to be told, however, it must be said that the reason he shaves and bathes so infrequently is that he has not as yet devised a way to do either without getting out of bed. His inordinate vanity sometimes compels him to grow a scraggly little moustache. These moustaches come and go fre quently; this can be attributed partly to vanity, but mostly to his grasshopper mind, which will not allow him to make even the sim plest of decisions without later revoking them. This inconsistency in his think ing, coupled with his incompre hensible attitudes toward life in general, has led a great many peo ple to believe that he is brilliant, simply becaues they cannot un derstand him. Engles capitalizes on this line of thought, it is need less to say, and sometimes deUb- erately says and does some pretty weird things to enhance the illus- himself into the position of feature editor. All Is Vanity That old saying about a wise man seeing his own faults and a stupid man seeing none is certain ly proven in Engles’ case, for be will admit to no faults whasoever. when it is made clear that they are nothing more than that. He doesn’t know what he is doing himself. This then is the man who is to plague you with a series of arti cles on anything his tiny mind decides to write about. Fottu- nately for you he had no article . . iiaLtriy i A vain man, he, at the age of thir- • ty-nine (he will have you believe’ vi that he is just twenty-five if you T """" listen to him) has the impression porr that he is still the swivel-hipped ^ >-oung h, ,.3 J;™- over sa, I aid„-, ,eU Reprinted &om Febrosry I9S0 issue of ESQUIRE Copyright 19S0byE,quir*.Ino. “rrf marry you in a minute Herhy- but what could I tell my friends?»

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