PAGE TWO
I
MAROON AND GOLD
Wednesday, March 22, 1950
Maroon and Gold
Edited and printed by students of Elon
College. Published bi-weekly during the
college year under the auspices of the Board
of Publication.
Entered as second class matter at the
Post Office at Elon College, N. C., under
the Act of March 8, 1879. Delivered by
mail, $1.50 the coUege year, $.50 the
quarter.
EDITORIAL BOAKD
Bob Wright Editor-In-Chief
William Sinclair Managing Editor
Edward Engles Feature Editor
Walter Graham Staff Photographer
Luther N. Byrd Faculty Advisor
SPORTS STAFF
Rocco SUeo Sports Editor
George Stanley .... Assistant Sports Editor
Joe Spivey Assistant Sports Editor
George Seay Boys’ Sports
Jean Pittman Girls’ Sports
Joe Bryson Boys’ Sports
Freddie Williamson Staff Cartoonist
Alvin Pate Staff Cartoonist
BUSINESS BOARD
Evelyn M. Graham Business Manager
Wynona Womack .... Circulation Manager
B. G. Frick : Printer
Jack Steele Press Man
. REPORTERS
Jennings Berry
Jane Boone
Waldo. Dickens
Hal FovJter
*
Robert Jones
Harry Keeton
James Merritt
Maynard Miles
Baxter Twiddy
Bill Williams
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 1950
START THINKING NOW
In the not too distant future lies the
election of next year’s student govern
ment officers. The im,portance of this
event cannot be given too much stress,
because the coming election is perhaps
more important than that which launched
our new campus government. Because of
this, we have deemed it advisable to give
editorial space to an early discussion of
the impending election.
We would like to caution against that
previous Elon custom of nominating the
least logical candidates for the laugh
which it will bring in chapel. It is not too
early to start thinking about likely stu-^
dents who are capable of leadershp in this
new governmental organization we now
have. The concern with which we regard
the nomination of candidates this Spring
will be an indication of the concern we
have for our student government.
We would like to continue with a dis
cussion of a few things we would like to
see happen this Spring during nominations
and elections. We would like to see a
manifestation of campus citizenship that
would surpass any similar activity which
has taken place at Elon College.
We would like to see some real, con
structive political activity on the campus
for a change. It would be stimulating if
several parties were represented at the
nominations and the poUing. There is
nothing to prevent a sector of the student
body from determining what they want in
a candidate and then finding such a per
son and supporting him in a lively cam
paign.
We would like to see the unorganized
students organize for the purpose of nom
inating a slate of officers. We would like
to see this followed through with the ap
pointment of a campaign manager and
the launching of a political campaign with
all the trimmings. We would like to see
speeches made around the campus in sup
port of the various candidates, giving con
crete facts about what the candidates
think and what they propose to do if
elected. There would be no place for
glittering generalities in su^ch a campaign;
concrete facts would have to be presented
In order to stand the strain of competi
tion.
the
yankee peddler
By BOB WRIGHT
Opening sentence in a Freshman’s re
search paper: “Over 4000 years ago
American archeologists opened an Egypti
an’s tomb. . . .” The professor’s comment
was, “It is later than you think.
Life’s Little Drama Under the Colonnades
Scene 1
Time: At the close of the Winter quar
ter.
Student: Boy, if I get through this
quarter I’m gonna really study next quar
ter. No more sweatin’ it out for me.
Scene 2
Time: The start of the Spring quarter.
Same Student: What’re all you guys
hangin’ around the dorm for?
C’mon, let’s go to the show.
* ★ *
Cycle
Babies are born without any hair.
Old men’s heads are Just as bare.
So, twixt the cradle and the gravd?
There lies a haircut and a shave.
—Anon.
* ♦ *
Overheard from a Shakespeare student:
“I don’t mind all this work we’re being
asigned, but I feel as though I’m doing a
horse out of a job.”
* * *
Critique
The ultimate in banal slop
Is R. A. G. G. Rag Mopp.
♦ * *
Headline Hopping in The Greensboro
Daily News
“Man Seriously Stabbed.” Do they do
that sort of thing in fun, too?
* * *
“Candidate Convicted Of Bootlegging.”
Perhaps he was too busy running for Sher
iff, to remember to run from the “reve-
noors.” I
4
♦ * =|!
“Randolph Election Board Faces New
Beer Test.” Now that’s the kind of a test
that would prove popular in some quarters
around here.
/
“Red Spy Changes Mind Again; Will Go
Home.” Wonder if he’ll be singing “Home,
Sweet Home” as he leaves.
* *
“State To Hire 30 More Men To Check
Income Tax Evasion.” Are you nervous,
hmmmmm? Perhaps a good lawyer or a
new tax return would help your troubled
condition.
♦ * *
News Flash! Cleopatra is coming to
Elon College, but not as a regularly en
rolled student. She will be seen with her
witty but aging instructor, Julius Caesar,
on the Whitley Auditorium stage April
3rd in Bernard Shaw’s comedy, “Caesar
and Cleopatra.” A revival of the Shavian
comedy is currently playing to capacity au
diences on Broadway, and this is the only
production of the play which is to be seen
off the Great White Way.
A short time before election day a bi,
or tri-partisan rally could be held, giving
the students a chance to hear REAL
speeches from the candidates and a chance
to question them about their politics. If
all this were to take place-and it should
—everyone would know WHY they were
voting for the person that gets their check
mark on the ballot.
Perhaps this is the stuff from which
dreams are made, but it would be the
best thing that could happen to our civic
life at Elon College. Do you have definite
ideas about the people you want to repre
sent you during the coming year? Why
not gather around you others who think
as you do. Make some plans for the nom
inating session this Spring, and make the
comip.j election a really vital event at
Elon College. Start thinking now.
browsing
around
with
BILL SINCLAIR
Here I sit at the trusty old typewriter
trying to pound out another column. In
spiration seems to have evaded me this
time. I will have to bore you with this
column for another quarter, hope you
don’t mind too much.
The other day I saw Ned Jones walking
around as if in a istupor.
When I asked him what was wrong he
said, “Da da da, the frizmus originates at
the frezolis and terminates in the regimus
anticus.” Poor Ned, I knew that Biology
lab would get him sooner or later.
The tale has been told. With report
cards having been sent out there are some
mighty sad faces and some mighty glad
ones. The Dean’s List appears in this is
sue.
Item for Family Relations: If they
were asked to write on the subject, “All I
Know About Women,” the bachelor would
bring in a single typewritten sheet; the
philosopher would bring in a chapter; the
college boy, a volume, and the married
man a blank page. Thanks to Thomas
Clemmitt.
So Yoli’llKnow What To Expect
By SHRDLU SELGNE
unteachable mind all his life; nat
urally he has learned to cover it
up. He has bSconie quite adept
at this, and he can talk impressive
ly for hours on end, if you let him.
proficient door-to-door salesman
would seem to lend authority to
this.
But with all this, it still seems
incomprehensive that he should
If you will lift your eyes to the
masthead of this edition of the
Maroon and Gold, you will see for
the first time that E. V. Engles is
the new feature editor. Appar
ently this doesn’t mean much to
him, for already he has been
caught with his pants down; he
has no feature to offer.
And if there are those among
you who believe that in a later
issue you will read a hot feature
written by Engles, let me straight
en you out now, lest you be sadly
disillusioned. Alas, the sad truth
of the matter is that Engles can’t i^^credibly stupified consciousness
even write. Oh, he talks a lot, ““^^ing is too great an obstacle
and sometimes is pretty impres-just
sive, but if you should give him a I see what he is getting
pencil and a piece of paper some-|^”*'°’ the fact that his wife
time and ask him to write some-1 become so accomplished in
thing other than his name, you j obstacles for him
will soon see that he hasn’t the ‘^®®P® worse trouble
power to tack more than three let- j imagine,
ters together, let alone attempt The Urge To Write
to scrawl a coherent sentence. Oh,
and his attempts to get into a pair
of his old pants are more pathetic
than ludicrous. Disregarding the
fact that he gets exercise only
when he lifts his fork to his drool-
without saying a thing. The fact ing mouth, he believes he is in
that he was, at one time during prime physical condition. Blind
his spotted career, an adroit and to the overhang of flab at his belt.
he puffs and blows like a steam
engine when he has to walk
more than ten steps. Proper nu
trition, clean living, temperanca
—these are words that never have-
be given the job of feature editor.' penetrated the swirling fog which;
This can be easily explained, if surrounds his mind; consequently
you bear in mind that to Engles
he’s clever; if you don’t watch
him close, he will scribble some
nonense on the paper and then
try to make out that you are stu
pid if you can’t read it. Don’t bei
One day he was riding on a bus
and some fatuous blonde asked
him if he wasn’t one of the col
umnists of the Miami Herald. A
more pathetic case of mistaken
taken in by this corny old dodge i probably never been
in sDite of thp fant that Vio V.OO recorded; nonetheless, Engles,
In the English 26 class the other day
Professor Struhs was commenting on the
speeches that had been given. He re
marked about a student reading from a
paper. The student very frankly replied
that he was scared. Such is the nature of
things. Many of the students are afraid
to get up before a crowd. More debaters
are needed for the Elon Debaters Club.
Won’t you consider joining? If you are
afraid the first time, you will probably
have more confidence the second time.
Give it a try.
The debaters will travel to High Point
College on March 27 for a debate with the
High Point team on the question, “Should
Basic Non-Agricultural Industries Be Na
tionalized?” This debate should prove
to be of great interest. All students that
can get to High Point are urged to attend.
Get behind your debaters! Support them!
Spring is in the air, and the Elon base
ball team is getting ready for the coming
season. This season should be one of
much interest as Elon !s the defending
champion of the North State Conference.
The first game of the season is with Wake
Forest at Elon ball park, on March 27. The
members of the team need our support.
They will be fighting for the honor of Elon
College. Let’s support them from begin
ning to end.
in spite of the fact that he has be
come quick skillful at performing
it.
On To College
But, you may ask, what is this
poor twitter-brain doing here in
college. That is a good question.
fired by this false recognition, let
his Walter Mitty complex work on
him as he usually does, and with
in ten minutes he found himself
in a Veteran’s Surplus Store,
spending his entire month's pay
on a rebuilt typewriter. The fact
that he didn’t even know what all
one that has puzzled almost every- Z
one Who so. ■>.. .ow.o.n on .L ^
his way.
Once here at Elon, he began to
practice his subtle and peculiar
brand of salesmanship, and be
fore long he, at the expense of his
poor wife s sanity, was accepted
as a student
A small boy asked his father how wars
begin.
“Well,” said his father, “suppose that
England quarreled with France ”
“But,” interrupted the mother, “Eng
land mustn’t quarrel with France.”
“I know,” answered father, “but I am
taking a hpyothetical instance.”
“You are misleading the child,” said the
mother.
“I am not,” he answered.
“Yes, you are.” ,
“No, I am not.”
“Yes!”
“No!”
All right, dad,” said the small boy. “I
think I know how wars begin.”
Have you heard “God Marches On” over
WFNS on Sunday at 12:45? Last Sunday,
Dr. W. W, Sloan spoke on the Avizonis
family.
Why are so many dogs allowed to run
free in the Vet Apartment area? Don’t
get the wrong idea. I am not against
man’s best friend, but it is a nuisance to
have your garbage can turned over, your
garden or grass dug up, and your steps
and porch covered with dogs. Oh well!
Maybe it’s a dog’s world after all!
gles’ vacuum head. You see, his
wife went to college.
Somewhere along the line En
gles realized that his brain wasn’t
going to be sufficient to make
him a living by himself; he 1-eal-
ized he would need a college ed
ucation. Knowing full well he
couldn’t pass the admittance tests
to a school for backward children,
to say nothing of an accredited
college, Engles began to look for
an angle. When he remembered
the girl he used to know in
Brooklyn who had a college back
ground, his animal cunning told
him that at last he had solved
his problem.
Quickly then, he resigned from
his position of barker for a bur
lesque show in a California carni
val and hastened to New York.
The fact that he was over two
years getting there will give you
some idea of his truly incredible
singleness of purpose. Through
two bitter winters in Miami, En
gles struggled with life before he
finally reached his destination.
She Married Him
Strangely enough, the girl still
remembered him when he got to
New York, and within a year or
so, she finally consented to marry
him. In case you wonder why a
bright girl like her ever got in
volved with a meathead like him,
please remember that he can be
very persuasive if the occasion
calls for it. Having no moral in
tegrity at all, he will stop at noth
ing to accomplish what he sets out
to do. Besides, he had seen
movie or two, and he knew now
to go about getting his girl.
Once married, it was a simple
matter to convince his wife that
he needed a college education;
and without coming right out and
saying it, he also made it obvious
that he intended to cash in on her
Bachelor’s Degree. What could
the poor girl do but agree Hav
ing strong and highly cherished
ideals concering the dissolution of
a sacred marriage, she was help
less before his treacherous as
sault.
So she coached him carefully
on how to sign his name to the
government checks, and he was
ready.
Covering Up
It would seem that such gross
illiteracy and ignorance would
soon be discovered by his fellow
students and by his professors,
but such is not the case. Engles,
you must remember, has labored
under the handicap of a feeble.
of good standing.
When the opportunity presented
itself, and with the sweet words
of the fatuous blonde still ring-j mysterious inanities are
mg m his flap ears, he inveigled [ easier to understand, , however.
this torso is vaguely reminiscent
of a balloon full of water, and
the muscles of his spindly arms
and legs possess the consistency
of half-cooked tapioca.
Is Scarce >
He shaves on the average of
once every nine days, saying that
he never can find time. If the
truth is to be told, however, it
must be said that the reason he
shaves and bathes so infrequently
is that he has not as yet devised
a way to do either without getting
out of bed. His inordinate vanity
sometimes compels him to grow
a scraggly little moustache. These
moustaches come and go fre
quently; this can be attributed
partly to vanity, but mostly to his
grasshopper mind, which will not
allow him to make even the sim
plest of decisions without later
revoking them.
This inconsistency in his think
ing, coupled with his incompre
hensible attitudes toward life in
general, has led a great many peo
ple to believe that he is brilliant,
simply becaues they cannot un
derstand him. Engles capitalizes
on this line of thought, it is need
less to say, and sometimes deUb-
erately says and does some pretty
weird things to enhance the illus-
himself into the position of feature
editor.
All Is Vanity
That old saying about a wise
man seeing his own faults and a
stupid man seeing none is certain
ly proven in Engles’ case, for be
will admit to no faults whasoever.
when it is made clear that they
are nothing more than that. He
doesn’t know what he is doing
himself.
This then is the man who is to
plague you with a series of arti
cles on anything his tiny mind
decides to write about. Fottu-
nately for you he had no article
. . iiaLtriy i
A vain man, he, at the age of thir- •
ty-nine (he will have you believe’ vi
that he is just twenty-five if you T """"
listen to him) has the impression porr
that he is still the swivel-hipped ^
>-oung h, ,.3 J;™- over sa, I aid„-, ,eU
Reprinted &om Febrosry I9S0 issue of ESQUIRE
Copyright 19S0byE,quir*.Ino.
“rrf marry you in a minute Herhy-
but what could I tell my friends?»