^AlUFools Day^ To Become All-American Holiday
•** ••• **« **•
What Foola
These
Mortals Be!
MAROON AND GOLD
Just FnU Of
Fun And
Foolishness!
VOLUME 29
ELON COLLEGE, N. C.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5. 1950
NUMBER 12
COLD WAR HOT CONFLICT NOW
THIS AIN'T FOOLIN'
Eton Pioneers Holiday
^ .
Movement For Nation
By DREW BEERSON
f (Legislative Correspondent
Elon College, April 3.—Because of the foresight and Temerity of
the Student Legislature of Elon College, “All-Fools’ Day” is now
and for all-time to come the great All-American holiday, and the
name of Elon will be hailed by all posterity with awe and apprecia
tion.
This was assured in the wee hours this morning when the Con
gress of the United States in special session enacted into law a
provision for the nationwide observance of the new holiday.
The same law carried with it a rider, attached to the original bill
by Senator Claghorn, of Dixibama, to abolish the official observance
of Washington’s Birthday. Speaking, in support of his rider, Clag
horn declared in booming voice that “Washington’s Birthday horn
ors only one man, while All-Fools Day is a tribute to all Americans
and crap-shooters too.”
It all began on the Elon College campus last Saturday, April 1st,
v.'hen the Student Legislature, in regular session in the private
dirking room of The Flamingo, voted unanimously to add AU-
Fools’ Day to the list of campus holidays. At the same time the
student solons laid .down special provisions for its observance,
which attracted instantaneous ana nationwide approval. The stu
dent bill read:
“Whereas, April Fool’s Day
has been observed in only hap
hazard fashion on the campus of
Elon College; and Whereas, we be
lieve in that old adage that ‘All
men are fools,’ and, likewise, in
that other well-known cliche that
‘There’s no fool like an old fool;’
and Whereas, we realize that each
and all of us shall some day be
old and in due course be ‘old
fools’ and thus deserving of some
honor and tribute; j
Therefore, we, the Student Leg
islators of Elon College, do enact,
ordain and declare: That for all
time to come All-Fools’ Day shall
be celebrated and observed as al
campus holiday; and that said ob
servance shall be extended for a
period of one fortnight; and
That no classes shall assemble
during that interval between All-
Fools’ Day and the Ides of April;
and That during the aforesaid
fortnight all Ph. D.’s shall wear
the fool’s cap and the parti-color-
ed costumes of the court jesters
and That during such previously
ordained period all persons whose
names have appeared on any
Dean’s List shall wear sackcloth
and ashes in penitence for their
diligence; and That for the dura
tion of such observance the col
lege dining hall shall remain open
throughout the hours from noon
(since no one should arise earlier
than that hour) until three in the
morning, serving no meats except
T-Bones and Sirloins, with appro
priate side-dishes;
The idea spread like wild fire.
Other colleges fell in line by mid-
afternoon Saturday, and weekend
ing students carried the news to
their homes. Parents began wir
ing to Washington, and President
Truman hastily called Congress
to assemble at midnight Sunday
to extend the Elon ordinance to
cover all Americans. Acting as
usual, in perfect compliance with
Truman’s wishes. Congress passed
the bUl unanimously before dawn
this morning. The national law
extends the jester’s grab to all
public officials and the require
ment for sackcloth and ashes to
all persons who have ever held a
dob.
Inspired by nationwide acclaim,
Truman wired Student Body Pres
ident Art Fowler this morning;
HOW ELON GYMNASIUM DISAPPEARED
A new process of night photography, developed and known only to W. Graham Moore, M. and
G. photographer, made the above pipture possible and solved the mystery of the sudden disappear
ance of the new Elon Alumni Memorial Gymnasium.
Alumni Memorial Gym Disappears
M. And G. Photographer Obtains
Picture That SolvesMystery
r
The petite (ask Mrs. McDonald
what that means) Miss shown
above, gazing so demurely into
the lens of the camera and from
this page into the eyes of the
reader, is none other than royalty
itself. In fact, she is bonafide
Elon royalty, as everyone will
realize when she is seen ruling
with charming grace over the
Elon May Court of 1950. One
wonders just what she would have
done if someone present at the
taking of the above picture had
remarked with prophetic truth,
“And she shall become the Queen
of the May!”
“My deep-felt thanks to E.lon for
pioneering this observance, as
also to the 82nd Congress for
complete cooperation. I sha^ re
quest that one week of the period
be set aside in special tribute to
my dear Republican friends."
New Stadium Be
Ready This Year
A huge new football stadium,
capable of seating 50,000 specta
tors will be ready for the opening
game of Elon’s 1950 football sea
son. Rumored for some time, the
fact was confirmed this week with
the announcement of an outright
gift to Elon from the Alalgamated
Distillers of America.
The decision of the distillers
was made months ago, but the
deal hung fire when the Elon au
thorities refused to accept any
gift earned on the profits from
whiskey. The difficulty was over
come when the distillers’ Board
of Control agreed to use for the
stadium only money made frpm
sale of whiskey for medicinal pur
poses.
By ERNEST HIMROYD
Special War Correspondent)
Elon College, pril 1.—The Low
Pointers scored the final touch
down and tied the score in the
“Hot War of 1950,” which culmi
nated early this morning, when
Elonites awakened to find nothing
but a bare field where their beau
tiful new Alumni Memorial Gym
nasium had stood the night be
fore.
Early risers, enroute to the din
ing hall for their usual breakfast
of country ham and eggs, rushed
to the scene, completely mystified
by the sudden disappearance of
the huge sports arena. Some sug
gested an atomic explosion, while
others looked to see if the struc
ture had sunk into the murky
depths of Elon’s new half-million-
dollar swimming pool, completed
only recently just north of the
new tennis courts.
The mystery was solved, howev
er, with the arrival on the scene
of W. Graham Moore, energetic
news photographer for the Ma
roon and Gold, who dashed up on
a pair of roller skates with his
camera and a newly developed
film, which disclosed the gymnas-
iunTdisappearing”westward along
Highway 100, chained tightly on
the flat bed of a transport truck.
The M. & G. camera fiend stat
ed that he had arisen shortly after
midnight and decided to take a
nocturnal swim in the new pool
and that, upon arrival at the pool,
he had scarcely dived into its
muddy depths when he heard the
big truck roUing down Highway
100 from the west and come to a
halt at the front of the gymnasi
um. Scraps of conversation
which he overheard apprised
him that occupants of the truck
FLASH!
Elon College, April 1 — The
War is over! President Smith
and Secretary of State Darden,
acting to halt the fast-moving
hostilities, announced at a spe
cial chapel service at 10:15 this
morning that an armistice had
been concluded with President
Chef, of Low Point.
In commenting upon the brief
war and the decision to end it
all, the Elon officials com
mented, “We decided after los
ing the new gym that w« had
better sue for peace while we
still had the historic old sports
arena in North left in our pos
session.”
The roving reporter, seeking
to get the popular reaction to
the sudden peace, got an almost
unanimous answer from those
who passed through the rotun
da of Alamance. The general
comment was, "Oh, well, a Gjon
for a Jim is a fair swap after
aU!” '
were members of a raiding party
from Behind the Purple Curtain.
The camera expert ducked low
in the water to hide from the in
truders and watched with fasci
nated eyes as a blinding flash of
bluish light enveloped the gym
nasium. When he was able to see
again, he was astonished to see
the building shrinking in size un
til it was hardly more than ten
feet in width and twenty feet in
length. It was then hosisted, by
means of a huge crane, upon the
truck, and the raiders boarded
their vehicle and rolled back up
the highway in the direction from
whence they had come.
The roving photographer seized
his camera and, without waiting
to read his light meter, nor paus
ing to requisition a flash bulb
from the business office, caught a
candid shot of the disappearing
truck. Donning his roller skates,
Moore sprinted madly after the
truck, hoping for ac loser shot, but
he failed in that aim. He branded
it sheer luck that the first shot
was clear enough to prove liis ver
sion of the gymnasium’s fate.
General Alonzo Hook, who
gained quite a reputation in the
scientific world prior to the out
break of hostilities, crash landed
his Stinson Cub in front of the
power plant at this time and ad
vanced with an explanation of the
photographer’s almost unbeliev
able story.
General Hook stated that the
seizure of the gymnasium was
probably part of the recent scien
tific discoveries that had been
hinted from behind the Purple
Curtain. He stated that “by a
process of increasing the inter-
molecular attraction, the raiders
were able to reduce the size of the
gymnasium to the point where it
could be moved." He added that
they would probably make use of
one of the new cosmic rays upon
their arrival home and that the
cosmic rays “would enable the
molecules to resume their origi
nal size.”
Then, referring to the recent dis
appearance and rescue of General
Jim Mallory, he said, “They
couldn’t get our Jim, so now they
have gotten our gym.”
RESCUE LEADER
Naval Force Daringly
Rescues Elon General
By GABBIEL COLDER
(Special War Correspondent)
Elon College, March 31.—The “cold war” between Elon and Low
Point is a hot conflict now, hostilities having risen to fever heat
in a series of incidents that occurred within the past week, which
included the capture and rescue of General Jim Mallory, command
er-in-chief of the Elon ground forces.
The capture of General Mallory occurred on the night of March
28th following “Diamond Jubilee” peace-time maneuvers with the
forces of Wake Forest in neighboring Brownsboro, maneuvers which
resulted in a decision favoring Elon, whose forces “got there
fastest with the mostest men.”
The Elon commander was not missed until the following morning
when he failed to meet his 8 o’clock class, a fact which cauesd no
undue alarm, but the heat was really on when Fourth Lieutenant
Ray Hayes, in charge of Elonite radar and television operations,
picked up the intelligence that Mallory was held captive in the
Low Point “dog house” near the shores of Deep River.
General Alonzo Hook, commander of all Elon Air Forces, imme
diately dispatched Colonel Paul C Plybon in a War Surplus plane,
just received from Cherry Point, for an attempt at rescue by air.
This fell short when a wing dropped off at Sedalia. Plybon made
a forced landing there and heriocally taxied his plane down High
ways 70 and 100 and through th
e gates into the sacred confines
of the Elon campus.
It was then that Admiral J. L.
Pierce, commanding Elon naval
Task Force 16, assumed personal
command of Operation Rescue. He
led a flotilla, consisting of two
rowboats, three rafts and one ca
noe, down the waters of the Haw
and on a spirited dash up the
waters of the Deep River into the
very shadow of the Fortress of
Low Point.
The Elon Band, directed by
Commander John Phillip Jacob-
owski, stood majestically on the
gun deck of the leading rowboat
and played “Deep Purple” as the
flotilla broke through the Purple
Curtain and approached the scene
of action.
A barrage of atomic “jet propel
led” golf balls and tennis balls
v/as laid down as a squad of fleet-
footed commandos sprinted madly
UP the banks of the river to res
cue the captive Elonite general.
Corporals OUie Bass and Dave
Mondy fired volley after volley of
ping pong balls at the Low Point
guards as Roland Yii shouldered
fuards as Dink Underhill shoul
dered the Elon commander and
brought him triumphantly aboard
ship.
The rescue force was given one
of the greatest ovations in Elon
history upon its return to the
campus. Members of the party
landed at Altamahaw-Ossipee and
were personally greeted there by
Deans Bowden and Liles, who
immediately palced the names of
all concerned on the perpertual
Dean’s List and excused them
forever from all attendance at
classes.
The heroes were then greeted
with a shower of dried oak leaves
from the upper gutters of North
Dorm and the Old Power~House-
as they rode proudly up the Ave
nue in Al Terzino’s convertible and
Lefty Taylor’s jeep. The Elon
Choir, in full regalia, was drawn
up in formation before the ^rth
Portico of Alamance Hall and sang
“When Jimmy Comes Marching
Home" as the parade swung into
the reserved parking spaces and
cast anchors there.
Admiral J. L. Pierce, command
er of all Elon naval forces in the
“Hot War of 1950,” personally led
Task Force 16 on a successful
mission to rescue General Jim
Mallory from the Low Point “dog
house. The expedition, which was
one of the most successful in the
history of Elon naval warfare, in
troduced for the first time the use
of “jet” propelled weapons in this
area. Members of the force were
received home with a roaring wel
come. (For complete account of
the exploit see Gabriel Colder’s
story on this page.)
Elon Professors
Going To Russia
Dr. Richard Haff and Prof.
Paul Reddish, eminent Elon Col
lege scientists, announced today
that they have received an invita
tion to attend the International
Scientific Symposium to be held
in Moscow, Russia, on April 31,
1950. The invitation came as a
result of their experiments on
Sylvester, their pet frog.
Syl, as he is called in the lab,
is most extraordinary. After an
operation to cross the optic and
auditory nerves, he is able to see
thunder and hear lightning, and
the Elon scientists argue that they
can do the same for man, enab
ling him to see over the telephone
without benefit of television.
Edward V. Engles, well known;
Elon College dramatic star ,this
week offered a $10,000 reward for
information in regard to the
whereabouts of Shrdlu Selgne,
who was the author of a slander-
o*us' article in the columns of the
Maroon and Gold some weeks ago.